Manners.  Remember them?  Please.  Thank-you.  May I?  Excuse me.  I’m sorry.  It was my fault.  These are some of the appropriate remarks and responses in polite society.  And they seem to be used less and less these days.

In a high school, where I work, I am constantly being asked by students, “Do you have a pencil?”  “Yes,” I reply.  And then the student will just look at me expectantly.  Finally, I say, “Oh, do you want to borrow one?”  Then, I get a puzzled look and/or a “What?” in reply.  Then, if they make an attempt to ask for it politely, I will give it to them.  Finally, after class, I often have to retrieve it. Otherwise, “borrowing” turns into “walking away with it.”

In the crowded halls, I will sometimes be hit by a kid that decides to run, or hit someone else or change directions in front of me.  On a rare occasion I get a reply of, “My bad.”  Where in the world did that come from?  Or, once in a great, great while, someone will say, “I’m sorry.”  Mostly, I get a dirty look, sometimes accompanied by, “You were in my way!”  (Sigh.)

People stand in groups, in doorways, and when I say “Excuse me.”  they grudgingly move, slightly.  I can feel an undercurrent of anger while walking in the building.  Sometimes it is so thick it seems like I could cut it with a knife.  I can feel a fight brewing from 20 feet away.

Discontent and anger fill the halls.  It makes me feel sorry for them.  I wish I could empathise with them, but I don’t know how.  I just try to roll with the punches and throw encouragement at them whenever possible.

It has made me realize that manners is not at the top of the list.  Maybe it is not even on the list.  Before a person can give consideration, one must have been given consideration.  Otherwise, how can a person learn to do something having never experienced it enough to understand?

Somewhere along the way, manners fell by the wayside.  People didn’t notice until it was prevalent enough to enter their lives.  It was too late to thwart the behavior.  Now, it needs to be relearned and reinforced for a considerable length of time, to undo the damage.

Our society has many tears in it.  One by one, as we repair them, the fabric will be made strong again.  We just need to see them, recognize them and work on ways to nurture the true nature of our humanity.  And then, maybe manners will return to become the norm, rather than an exception in our society.

Did you know that, according to National Geographic News, “ skulls and DNA of human remains from around the world say their results point to modern humans (Homo sapiens) having a single origin in Africa?”  This scientific evidence confirms a theory that we all are children of Africa.  This is fact, not just an opinion, that I believe holds the key to world harmony, if only we would choose to view it that way.

In spite of this documented information, our world view does not depend on facts but on our opinions, complete with our own set of prejudices and biases.  These perspectives are learned, not innate or natural at our birth.  Therefore, they can be re-learned.  I think that we are entering a critical time in history, in which, we need to reexamine the way we think of other human beings that are different from ourselves.  Because, in spite of our differences, we are all connected.

Religion, ethnicity, race and money have separated us in the name of God, country, color and wealth.  In spite of the fact that all of these things are good, in and of themselves, the ways in which we have used them have caused wars, revolutions, poverty, slavery, hunger, thirst, illness and death.  There may be other, expressed reasons, for these horrors,  but greed plays a big part in the miseries of this world.

I have a dream that we could live in harmony because there is enough food to feed the hungry.  There are enough resources to make sure people have safe drinking water, healthcare and housing.  We have enough to care for the poor and aged and support the rights of all people to have their own beliefs and to worship as they wish, or not.  We have the ability to allow people to be who they are and not be judged for it. It is in our power to make sure that people who work be adequately paid for their labor.

Sure there would be restrictions.  A world without rules for safety, laws to protect us and enforcement of those laws would cause chaos.  But, it could be a kinder, more loving place if everyone had the welfare of others in mind as well as our own.  If only we would accept the fact that we all are connected, we could make this world a better place for everyone.

Now you may be saying to yourself, “How can I love a person who is mean to me or who has a nasty attitude and doesn’t like me or even hates me?”  Maybe this is because we only think of love in terms of “a mother’s love” or “romantic love” or “platonic love.”  I am not speaking of the ways in which we describe human love.  I am referring to the kind of love that God has for creation.  It is the kind of love that we are called to do, if we want to live in a kinder, more loving world.

I start with the people I don’t like very much.  And then I practice loving them by saying nice things about them in my mind, even if I don’t believe them to be true.  This exercise, and others I have read about, can change our negative feelings into a softer version of dislike so that eventually loving them is a much easier concept to believe.  I am not saying that I am good at this.  I am just trying to accept the idea of it being possible.  And on some occasions it has even worked.

There is no way that I can do something successfully until I can fully embrace the feeling of it.  I know what love feels like, so I can teach myself to feel differently when I am in a bad situation and don’t feel loving at that moment.  Whether or not you believe in God, or a higher power, or just “goodness,”  there is good and evil in this world.  The way we approach these opposites is essential in order to make positive decisions.

Loving the people we like is so easy.  It’s a joy just to be with these people.  But loving people that we think of as “bad” is about as difficult as it gets.  We tend to think of things in black and white, but in reality, there are only shades of grey.

I once read a story about a man who had a mother-in-law that treated him with disdain, talking to him with disgust and just generally acting negative around him.  She was in a wheelchair and he had to help her with tasks that she couldn’t do, because his wife was unable to do those things for her.  He didn’t like her very much because of this, but to make the experience more bearable, he decided to be nice to her and ignore the things she said and did.  He always greeted her warmly and gave her a quick hug upon leaving. She would always stiffen at his touch, but he was kind to her no matter what she said or did.

One day, he was in a hurry and had to make a quick visit, forgetting to hug her.  As he was leaving, she called out to him, “Where’s my hug?”  He turned to look at her, smiled to himself, and ran back to give her a hug.  She was still not totally warm to him, but the stiffness was gone.  Loving actions had changed her. Then he realized that that he had changed too.  He had grown fond of her, in spite of himself.  Love is like that.  It changes things.

This exercise of loving action, regardless of a matching, internal emotion, is an example of ”faking it til you make it.”  Acting “as if” you are good at something can have measureable results.  It can work. And even if it doesn’t work at first, we need to keep trying.  It may take a long time to have success.  But without trying, things will remain the same.  I think that this exercise is worth the effort to make my life more meaningful and happier.  How about you?

I am just an aging Pollyanna.  At least I try to be.  Sometimes I have difficulty seeing the bright side of situations.  Mostly, I really want to be optimistic.  Happiness comes from knowing that there is always a possibility for peace.

We live in a world full of bad news stories and fear-mongering.  Can’t we challenge these factors with a message of Pollyannaism?  Well, the only way I know to counteract the negativity, is with a powerful dose of positive energy.  And if it’s not me, then who can I count on to keep my mind on the upside of things?

I read somewhere recently, something to the effect, that listening to or watching the news is not good for our psyches.  I try to limit the amount of news I take in on a daily basis, so this little tidbit supported my behavior.  I have strayed from this practice occasionally and it has put me into a day-long funk.  So I will continue to limit the bad news.

But beyond that, what do I do?  I just try to temper my negativity.  Now some people who know me, could tell you that I have plenty of negativity about some things.  But, I am working on it.  A work in progress, that’s me.  I am trying not to be “a piece of work.”  That is something altogether different.

There is a reason I wanted to write about this topic.  Children are that reason.  They need to see that there is a choice one can make in any situation.  We can always choose our attitude.

I remember when I was a child, thinking, “We can all get along, can’t we?”  I was always surprised when it wasn’t the way things worked out.  “Why?” I thought. “Why didn’t people get along?”  I was a peacemaker.  I wanted everyone to get along.

Beyond my experiences, there is a universal force that unites humanity.  We need each other to survive.  If we can get along well, we can survive well.  This is reason enough for me to continue to be a Pollyanna.  So, I guess I am on my way to being a very old Pollyanna.  And I’m okay with that.

I have observed disrespectful behavior in teenagers to a greater degree than ever before. And it is easy to blame them for their inappropriate responses and actions.  But is this really fair?

I also see adults behaving badly.  In some parents, there is a tendency to expect obedience from their children even when their own words do not correspond with their actions.  This is a problem.

In a parenting presentation that I attended when my children were in elementary school, the speaker, Barbara Coloroso, was a dynamo.  Something she said that has stuck with me over 30 years is: “Say what you mean.  Mean what you say.  And do what you said you were going to do.”  Consistency is key to good parenting.

Mrs. Coloroso also taught a course on student discipline for teachers, which I also attended.  The basic principles were the same, even though the techniques and circumstances for home and school were different.  The details and examples she gave were applicable to each environment, but the message was identical.  Tell the truth.  Be accountable.  Model good behavior.

It is increasingly important for this message to be heard and seen in adults before we can begin to expect young people to act appropriately.  They need examples, lots of them.  Actions do speak louder than words.  We must show them, not only how to behave, but also give them the respect we want and expect for ourselves.

Another thing that Barbara said was, “Kids are worth it!”  And they are.  They should be.  Build trust. Do things together.  Talk to each other, without devices.  Let them know that they are worth it.

The reality is this.  We live in a world that is constantly giving us mixed messages.  But those messages don’t have power unless we give it to them.  The only thing any of us can do is be authentic and true to ourselves.  We need to be honest with ourselves and each other and tell the truth.