I have been thinking about the many different ways of learning.  In modern educational systems, this ideology of learning styles has come to the forefront.  In the not so distant past, school children were all expected to learn in the same way.  When a child didn’t learn the material easily, the child was often blamed.  The way in which it was presented was not even considered a possible reason for this failure to learn.  The worst part of this was that no attempt was made to do things differently.  It was the child’s fault.  

Today, we acknowledge visual learning, auditory learning, hands-on learning and cooperative learning, to name a few.  All the multiple ways of teaching children are essential to having an educated society.  To successfully compete in the job market and the world we need to understand the constantly changing information that surrounds us.  We need to have an intelligent population.

So now I come to the term, “learning by example.”  This phrase often refers to the way children learn to behave.  An infant learns how to act from the adults around him/her.  These “examples” are only as good as the people around us.  And when you are a child, you have no choice in what kind of parent, sibling, teacher, and neighbors you have.  It is the luck of the draw.

But since the most profound influence is a parent, the phrases “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and “just a chip off the old block” were coined.  Of all the ways of learning, I believe “learning by example” is the most powerful force that influences any of our lives because it is relationship-based.  And the strongest relationship in a child’s life is their parent.

All of this means that the way to make society better is by having responsible adults around all of our children.  Of course the task of educating adults that have not themselves been given good examples is astronomical.  But in rising to this challenge, adults can make an enormous contribution to society’s future.

It is so easy for adults to throw up their hands and say, “I give up.”  But if the elders of our world would open themselves up to each opportunity that presents itself in front of young people, and take advantage of them to model respectful behavior in an obvious way, the world could become a kinder, more positive environment for learning of all kinds.  Learning and teaching by example just might be part of the solution to the problem of reaching all students and educating the population of the next generation.

I have a prediction.  Someday, most likely before I am gone, there will be a massive power outage, or a breakdown of fiber optic cable networks that store so many of our communications worldwide.  On this day, a widespread panic will ensue.  I cannot begin to fully comprehend, let alone describe the chaos this will cause, or its aftermath.  People will go crazy!

Not only do we have a young generation that is completely addicted to electronics of all kinds, even previous generations have jumped on this bandwagon, albeit to a lesser degree.

From my perspective, I have come to depend on my cell phone, for safety and for direct communication to my aging mother.  I enjoy internet access and social media.  It puts me in touch with people quickly and easily.  And I love the opportunity to communicate with those I love who live far away.  But truly, I can live without these things.  I have lived without them.

In spite of all the ways people now have for communication, many opt to use the ways that separate them from each other the most.  Internet games are played online with unseen opponents.  Texting is preferred over the telephone, even when driving.  Sadly, texting and playing on smartphones is preferred over face-to-face conversation.  I have often seen entire families sit and text or play games, while sitting together, and never even make eye contact with each other.

Online communication is done on smartphones.  Pictures are sent instantly across the world on tiny devices.  This is pretty spectacular stuff, up to a point.  The thing is, we are flying past that point, and to what end?  While technology is, in and of itself, a very good thing, it has caused deep, intimate interactions to fall by the wayside.

What does this mean?  I don’t know.  There are no easy answers to this question.  But it does need to be asked because people are addicted and vulnerable to manipulation by media that already makes us slaves to consumerism.  So much of our world is not real, but instead, virtual.  We are losing touch with each other.

I, for one, want to stay in touch and get to know the people around me.  I want deep relationships with my family and friends and those special ones I have yet to meet.  I can do without devices.  I can’t do without people.  I hope that there is a significant segment of our world population that feels this way too.

The longer I live, the more I see the value of being able to laugh at myself.  When I was young, I got my feelings hurt easily and it made me miserable.  I didn’t know it then, but I had a choice to accept or not accept things that were said about me or to me.  I was just a shy kid and I felt very insecure.

As time went on, I realized that one of the best things I could do, was to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously.  When we let other people determine our opinion of ourselves, then we give our power away to people who do not care about us.

When I finally realized that I was doing this, I couldn’t believe that I had let it happen.  But, I needed to know what I was doing, before I could learn to deal with it.  When I did, it changed everything.

When someone tried to embarrass me, I realized that it said more about them than it did me.  When I made a mistake, I laughed first.  It made it funny and it took the pressure off.  I didn’t need to be trying to be perfect all the time.  I learned to revel in my imperfection.

I found that I could make people laugh and I loved it.  My favorite thing to do is to find the humor in a situation, and then share my perspective with others.  When they laugh at my jokes, I am in heaven.  I wish I had discovered this early on.  I might have become a comedienne.

Again and again I remember the influence of my father and his positive self-image.  He liked himself and did not let others make this determination for him.  I think it never even occurred to him that people would not like him.  It wouldn’t have mattered if they did or not anyway.  It would not have changed the way he felt about himself.

It has been said that laughing is good medicine.  I know that humor has made a positive impact on me for a long time now.  So, I intend to give myself a good dose of it for the rest of my life.

I have been in and around public schools for over 30 years.  I have worked in classrooms as a parent, taught programs as a consultant, was a substitute teacher, worked in school libraries, directed shows for children and worked as a language facilitator.  In all this time, I have seen a big change in the behavior of the present generation and it is disheartening.

It pains me to say this, but I am seeing and hearing a lack of civility among many young people. Manners are all but absent.  When I open a door for someone, three or four other people file in or out before the person I am trying to aid can even approach the entrance.  Very few students even say “Thank you.”  When someone does say “Thank you,” I am encouraged by the behavior.  But soon afterward, my optimism is dashed by the sounds of agitated foul-mouthed banter in the hallway.  Speaking with appropriate language is the exception, rather than the rule for many teenagers and pre-teens.  I highly suspect their dialogue is suffering from a lack of vocabulary.  If you were to edit out the profanity they basically say very little to each other.  The noise level of students in the hallways of middle schools and high schools is deafening.  There is so much chaos and discord.  Even playful behavior is very loud.  I find myself thinking, “When and how did this come to pass?”

These students are only two generations away from me and my experiences, but the changes seem like they must be three or four apart.  How can this have happened so quickly? I want to figure this out and find out what I can do to help.  It doesn’t have to be like this.  At least, I don’t think so.

Where can we begin?  I know that many people my age and even younger than me feel the weight of this dilemma.  What can we do to make a difference?  The only thing I have done that has seemed to help is just speaking face-to-face with a student when they are not with their peers.  I have forced myself to do this on occasion and it has been profound.  I was in a middle school one day and I saw a  student sitting alone, whose behavior was often mean-spirited and whom I didn’t like very much because of his actions.  I approached him and sat down across from him.  I was prepared for the encounter to fail, but was pleasantly surprised.  I began to talk with him as he looked at me suspiciously.  I began a simple conversation.  I asked him what he wanted to do when he got out of school and after a little while he told me about wanting to do graphic arts.  This kid, who up to this point I had only seen with a scowl on his face, smiled at me.  We talked.  We communicated.

I guess I really do know what will help, after all.  We need to talk to kids, especially when we don’t like their behavior.  These kids need good attention, positive attention, encouraging attention.  They need relationships and they don’t know how to have them.  They, like all of us, need to know that they are worth the time, one-on-one with a person who cares and has their best interest at heart.

The goal of my life is simple.  When I am gone, I want to be missed.  I want to be remembered as I remember the special people that were in my life who have passed before me.  I want to be remembered for making others laugh, for being a good mother, daughter, sister and friend and for being a sharing, loving person.

Oh, I know I am not perfect or even close.  I know I have done things to hurt others in my life.  I am sure that I have even unintentionally hurt people.  For that and many other things, I am sorry.  Still, I think we each have a way of being that has an essential feeling attached to it.  

Empathy, compassion and goodwill are communicated and seen in a person’s personality.  A sense of humor and genuine love of people shows in what a person does and how they make others feel.  I try to be that kind of person, even though I know I often fall short of that goal.  But the intention a person has, matters.

I had a great-aunt who was not a happy woman and carried those negative feelings around with her.  She died a long time ago, and the only memories I have of her are negative.  I remember one day in particular.

I was at my grandmother’s house, and she came into the living room where I was sitting in a chair.  When she walked in we were alone in the room together.  She came over to me, smiling a rather wicked smile.  She leaned in close to my face, after stealing a glance to see if anyone was within earshot.  Then she cackled, “My, you are getting fat, aren’t you?”

I was eleven or  twelve years old, a prepubescent, highly insecure girl, stuck in a chair, away from all allies, with this awful, hateful woman.  And that memory is as clear as a bell after all this time.  More than half a century later, I can still remember that moment and how she made me feel.  As an adult, I can feel bad for her to have been that way.  But, I have never missed that woman.  To me, this is the saddest part of all.  I don’t know if anyone ever missed her.  I hope someone did.

I am fortunate to have many people in my life that I miss.  That means that I have been loved and I believe that I am still loved by those who have passed before me.  It’s my goal to be one of them someday.