There is a game that is played everyday by masses of people in which nobody can win.  It is called “The Blame Game.”  It can be played by any number of players and there is no time limit or rules.

This is how it goes.  The first player begins by making a blanket statement of fault about any group or individual regardless of truth or proof.  The next player either agrees and joins in the fun, or decides to blame another person or group.  This continues until all possible parties have been blamed for something, or an argument or fight gets out of control.  The game can be picked up again at anytime, and in any place and it can continue until truth breaks through and prevails, or as players die off.

The playing of this game rips at the fabric of our society and our world in such a way as to close open minds and create wars based on fear.  Eventually, all players must come to terms with the consequences of their actions, because of what the casting of blame has caused them to do.

Everyone loses, but the game continues.  Ethnicity, race, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation and any number of other differences between people can be added to the categories being blamed for life’s ills.

There is no way of calculating all the games that are being played because they are everywhere, all being played at the same time.  It is impossible to tabulate all of the losses.

But can we limit the losses?  I hope so.  If enough people refuse to play, it could alter everything.  Tolerance is the answer.  Tolerance and forgiveness could pave the way to peaceful thinking and change the atmosphere, making it hard to find enough players to even begin a game of blame.

I think we should create a new game.  We can call it “Solutions.”  Players could start the game by offering suggestions for ways to find solutions to real, specific problems and then ask for more ideas.  There would only be winners in this game and it would just continue to be played without an ending.  Minds would begin to open and peace could begin to hover over the discussions spreading an attitude of goodwill.

We can and must decide which game to play.  The choice is up to you and me.  What we decide together will be a major factor in the future decisions of our world.  Let’s make good ones together for the good of all of us.

Reciprocity.  I have always liked this word.  I like the way it sounds and what it means.  According to my very old paperback, Handy College Webster’s Dictionary, it is a mutual exchange or aid; cooperation.  With this definition in mind, it is less like a “if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours,” than a naturally-occurring agreement between friends.

A formal connotation defines it more specifically as an exchange of privileges between countries or institutions that flows logically and appropriately.  Either way, it is an issue of being trustworthy and playing fair.

It occurred to me that if we employed this concept in our daily lives, it might foster deeper relationships with others.  This would happen as a result of keeping others in mind before one even thinks of asking for something from them.  By switching the focus of self-interest to a more kindly approach of interaction, we open the door to a myriad of possibilities.

Think back to a time in your life when you needed help and didn’t have anywhere to turn.  Wouldn’t it have been nice to have relationships of reciprocity already a part of your life?  I know that I have formed these relationships with people and they enrich my life.  These people do not need to be your best friends, but they must be people that can be called on in certain circumstances.  You would do the same for them with your particular talents.  This interchange would not be because you feel obligated, but rather that you and the other party are glad to help each other.

Everyone possesses different abilities that can be exchanged with others.  It is my belief that we are all here for a reason that we are meant to discover and share.  The world needs every one of us.  Humanity needs us to learn to be humane.  With all the possibilities that each of us brings to the table of life, it is possible.  

“You need to learn to be satisfied.”  This is something my father used to say.  And it was not said in a pedantic or authoritarian way.  To him, it was a fact.  It was just logical in his way of thinking.  If you learned to be satisfied with what you have and not always want things to be different, then you would be happy.  It was all under your control.  It was just that simple.

When I was young, I didn’t think about any deeper meaning to this phrase.  But as I grew older, I began to see the wisdom of those words.  Learning to be satisfied was a decision, a choice.  It wasn’t a lesson in logic or a rule of conduct.  Rather, it could even be a way to finding internal peace.

Now, let me be clear.  My father was not a philosopher.  He was an honest, hard-working, straight-talking man who would sit and listen to me philosophize, and smile.  He gave me respect and let me talk about philosophy, but was not interested in doing it himself.

So, I feel that he had a wisdom inherent in his being.  It was something he was not even aware of.  It was that close to him.  He exuded this feeling of satisfaction.  It was a huge blessing to have him as my father.

But, let me get back to internal peace.  I think that satisfaction in the form of gratitude creates a peaceful spirit.  To think of all we have as being gifts to us, brings deep contentment, if we allow it.  That’s it, in a nutshell.  Learning to be satisfied is a significant concept.  Or maybe I have thought about it too much.

All I really know for sure, is that I remember his words and the actions that went with them.  He was a good man, content with what life had offered to him.  He believed in God and in blessings.  He wanted me to feel satisfied like him because it was a good way to live.  And that is something that brings me great satisfaction.

I don’t know if you have the experience of being within earshot of teenager’s street slang, but the use of the word “be” functions as the only conjugation of the verb “to be” in many of their conversations.

Being a lover of English grammar, I find this deeply disturbing.  Maybe this is because I hear it spoken in classrooms, not just the hallways.  I fear that good grammar is dying and I am already grieving it’s demise.

I can easily see why teachers don’t correct students in class.  They would never have time to teach.  It is that pervasive.  And the thing that makes it worse, is that kids are mostly unaware of the fact that they are doing it.  I have experienced this.

One day, while working in a middle school, I corrected a girl in the hallway.  She turned and faced me directly and said, “But that don’t sound right!”  “That doesn’t sound right,” I replied.  She looked so confused, and I thought, “No wonder she doesn’t speak correctly.”  She never hears it.  

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying that the teachers speak like the students.  It’s just that many of these kids don’t hear it at home or with their friends and the voices of the teachers aren’t as “loud”, so to speak.  They hear it alright.  I think that they just see it as a foreign language of sorts, and ignore it.  They are not really listening.  They are just hearing it peripherally.  It’s like background noise.

What worries me the most, is the fact that American English may be seen as an inferior language in the future.  I love the English language.  It is so rich and has it’s origins from so many different cultures.  It is spoken, albeit in different ways, in many different countries.  And I love that too.

There is even something to be said for slang because it can be very creative and every generation has it’s own.  It is something we can identify with from our own adolescence. But slang and dialects should be seen for what they are.  They should only be associated with a certain time or place or group.  

When “be” is used instead of “am”, “is”, or “are” in a sentence, it just sounds ignorant.  And that’s what bothers me the most.  Time will tell us whether this will carry into future generations.

Fun is necessary to a well-balanced life.   I learned this from my father.  He planned his fun.  He was the only adult I’ve ever known that did this.  It was on his list.

My dad was a business owner and had dozens of things to juggle.  Therefore, every night he would make a list of all the things that needed to be done.  It included things that were previously listed, but not finished, things that were happening the next day, plus future things that could possibly be done, if time permitted.  It was a long list, often written on graph paper, with the little boxes waiting to be checked as the tasks were completed.

The greatest thing about this list was that it always included something fun.  It may be going out to lunch, which he often did, or something else that was enjoyable.  But it always went on the list.  It was planned.

Planning fun, having something to look forward to, should be an everyday consideration.  It should be on a list, even if it’s only a mental one.  Fun should not be left to chance.

Dad always planned fun with my mom, family time, even time for himself.  I have always tried to emulate him and it has served me well.  You can make fun out of practically anything.  All it really takes is time and creativity.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money.  All you need to do is plan it.

In this life, we need to have things to look forward to.  We need to plan our fun.  It needs to be in the mix, especially when times are tough.  Plans can change, be postponed, or even cancelled once in awhile.  But planning is fun too.

The most important thing we can do as human beings is to have loving relationships.  And within these relationships, everything we do becomes more pleasurable.  And isn’t pleasure akin to fun?  Fun, enjoyment, pleasure, these are important things to consider.

If we plan, set aside time, and make it an important aspect of our lives, we are happier.  Our happy moments become memories.  And memories are fun too.