There are so many negative influences in our world.  From simple disagreements to all out war and horrific acts of violence.  People from the very beginning of time have had conflicts with each other.  Sometimes, the two sides of diametrically opposing factions cannot come together and simply have a civil conversation.  We see this everyday.  What are we to do?

First of all, before doing anything, STOP.  Relax and breathe.  Slow down inner thoughts.  Try not to think at all.  Just sit.  Listen to the silence.  These actions alone will lower the heart rate.  Take time to think more clearly before speaking.

If you pray, pray.  If you meditate, meditate.  If you don’t do either, just think positive thoughts.  You don’t have to be religious to have positive intention.  Belief in God or a higher power is not necessary.  Just be who you are and do what makes you open to the possibility of peace.

When two people interact in hostile ways, the hostility grows with intensity.  Likewise, if the interaction is peaceful, peace grows in kind.  What kind of a world do we want to live in?  

Always, there are wars being waged and the ones who bear the brunt of the suffering are the most helpless and vulnerable of all.  But peace starts inside of each person.  It starts with people wanting to to find common ground where understanding can grow.  

It starts slow.  And we don’t like slow.  But there is no other way to grow peace.  It needs time to root.  It needs time, attention and nurturing.  It is hard work.

Each time we disagree, the work begins again.  Let us roll up our sleeves and get ready to work for peace.  We are worth it.  Peace is worth working for.  And it is the one thing that everyone, yes everyone, can be a part of in this life.  Now is the time.  There is no other moment but now.

There are times when “being there” for someone is the only thing that can be done to help another person.  After something tragic happens, words can get in the way of comforting the one who needs it.  This is especially true when words can be taken in the wrong way, and even make things worse.  Sometimes, words are inadequate, almost empty.  But just being with a person is comforting, especially with people we love.

“Actions speak louder than words” is not a cliche.  Doing mundane chores is often helpful, when another person is unable to attend to these things.  Do what you can.  Talk if they want you to talk, but always be kind.  Think before you speak.  So often, it simply is not necessary.  Holding someone’s hand, putting your arm around someone when they are crying, are sometimes just the thing that is needed.  But just sitting in silence can be the most profound action of all.  Sitting and listening, actively listening, is difficult for most of us because we are “doers.”  It seems as if we are not doing anything at all.  This is far from the truth.  Being there can sometimes be the only thing that helps.

Following their lead is so important.  And never say “I know how you feel” unless it is absolutely true.  It is hurtful, and can even be insulting.  When in doubt, be quiet.  Less is more when talking to someone who is grieving.  Grief is what we feel for many different losses in life.  Death, divorce, the loss of a job are all devastating in their own way.  They are not the same, but each requires a special, caring presence to get through the process.  If a person is not ready for help, wait patiently for them to ask or show you in some way.

Many of the things I am speaking about were learned after the sudden death of my father.  But six years later, my son was killed in an auto accident and the lessons of my survival taught me so much.  Being able to talk about it and be listened to was vital to my healing.  One thing was sure for me.  I felt cared for and loved throughout my grieving because people were there for me.  And that, was everything.

One of my favorite things in life is making people laugh.  I would have loved to do stand up, but I never had enough confidence, or material for that matter.  It would have been really cool, though.  There are some people who are unintentionally funny.  My dad was like that.  I don’t know if I have ever been this way.  I doubt it, as I am always weighing what I say in terms of how it affects other people.

I have always been fortunate enough to have people around me who seem to be easily amused by my comments.  This makes me very happy.  Having a blog still seems really egotistical, when one realizes that you must think that you actually have something to say that people would want to read.  But then, I would think this way because I was educated by nuns.  The nuns that taught me, thought it was a sin to even hint at thinking you did something well.  To them, any good thoughts about oneself smacked of conceit.  That surely isn’t anything to laugh about.

Then, one day, I realized that having a healthy self-image was a good thing.  But it was too late to undo all of the damage that had been done.  It took years for the residual effects of that part of my early education to be reversed.  Now I am old and I care less and less about seeming any way other than what I am.  I say what I think and feel good about it most of the time.

But, back to the jokes.  Joking around and talking about the funny observations one has is an incredible blessing.  Laughter can ease difficult situations and lessen stress.  This is sorely needed, since stress is so much a part of life these days.  It is distress, or bad stress that causes so many illnesses, both physical and mental.

If one can cultivate a good sense of humor, life is dramatically easier, especially when things are not going well.  But it is always a good thing when one does not take oneself seriously.  That is the sign of a great comedian.  Often their humor is born of their own painful experiences.  Humor can be found almost anywhere.  You just need to be on the lookout for it.

Having other people laughing at my jokes has been the start of many wonderful relationships in my life, starting with my own mother.  Not only does she laugh, but she can find humor over and over again in remembered funny stories.  This is the reason I can be funny to others.  I have been adequately supported and inspired by her laughter.

So if you don’t think I am funny, you can just blame my mom!  Just kidding!  The best way to live is with a strong sense of the humor in your own life and connect to the ways that make each one of us a part of the human condition.  And that is no joke!

A world without cellphones is an inconceivable reality to any person under the age of thirty.  You have to be able to remember a time before cellphones were a ubiquitous part of daily life.  I didn’t get my first cellphone until 2007.  I was 56 years old.  That is totally unbelievable to young people of today.  In fact,  if you should state this fact to a teenager, they may not even believe you.  To them, a cellphone is a “necessity.”

Okay then, let’s define necessity.  According to Merriam-Webster, necessity is defined as: “something that is necessary especially to subsistence <obligated to provide the necessities of food, clothing, and shelter>.”  So, would someone explain to me, please, how this concept has somehow escaped the education of today’s teens?  Wants and needs are practically the same to them.

This is disturbing on so many levels.  What happened to common sense?  Where has logic gone?  We seem to have lost control of what is important and what is not, in terms of simple needs.  We need water, food, clothing and shelter.  Without them, we will die.  We can do without some of them for different, unextended periods of time. But without them, we will not survive. What if I were to say that you could substitute a cellphone for one of these real needs? What would you choose to live without in order to have a phone?

To know what it was like to live before cellphones, talk to someone who has lived then.  Ask me.  As someone who is older about their lives.  Talk to someone in person.  People lived and they lived well, way before phones, let alone, cellphones existed.

Young people are not the only ones, however.  This addiction crosses all boundaries of age.  My 90 year old mother sees a parade of people of all ages on their way to a nearby park.  She tells me that most of them have their eyes down, looking at their phones when it is a beautiful day to enjoy.  Mothers and fathers, pushing strollers are texting on the way to the playground with their children.

I fear that I am part of a minority with others who find this to be a sad commentary of our modern world.  I hope we can get a handle on this because we need to interact with each other and see our incredible world with eyes and minds open to the wonder of it all.  At the end of one’s life it will become clear that being alone with a cellphone is a poor excuse for a companion.

“You have the memory, but you’ve lost the moment.”  This is how a father of one of the students at my children’s elementary school replied, when I asked him if he would videotape the Talent Show.  I remember thinking that he was saying something important, but I had to find someone to videotape the Talent Show and further thoughts about it would have to wait.  Time went by, and eventually, I thought about his statement and its profundity.  

I had discovered this through my own experience. I stopped taking pictures continuously at family events because I never had any time to be a part of things.  I was the observer and not a participant.  I take less pictures now and enjoy more moments.  But I still take some pictures, just to “preserve” those moments for later.

Today, I see endless amounts of ridiculous videos that are made on cell phones, posted on the internet, not to mention “selfies,”  and pictures of friends doing silly things together, making faces, etc. etc. etc.  This makes me wonder about these “memories.”  How many photos does one need to create a memory?  Are any of these even memorable?  But are they “moments” of time spent with your best friends?  Maybe so.

And there are those times when a photo can put you back into a moment because of the intensity of the memory.  Both memories and moments are important.  Being a participant is important.  These are the things that can draw us together in spirit, even when one is separated from those that matter to us the most.  The memories drawn from a picture ARE moments especially as we grow older and we are the ones who survive.

So, I guess memories and moments are perhaps, even needed.  But the truth of that father’s statement is still profound.  Sacrificing moments for “memories” in video or pictures is not a good idea if you want to be a part of the action in the movie of your life.