Aging gracefully is a real term, isn’t it?  I am not sure that it is something for me to aspire to, knowing what I do about myself.  But then, there may be hope for me, because my mother seems to do it effortlessly. She is amazing.  At almost 92 years old, she hasn’t missed a beat in her song of life. She has slowed down physically, but really takes good care of herself and heeds her doctors, who all love her. Mentally, she is as sharp as a tack.  Her memory is better than mine, (who is 25 years younger) and she has a terrific sense of humor. In spite of that, she is gracious and laughs at all my jokes anyway. She has it down! Aging gracefully, that is.

I wonder if there is hope for me.  I found a great quote by Jules Renard.  It says, “It’s not how old you are, it’s how you are old.”  I really like that. I read a lot of quotes and I can’t believe how horrible most of the them were.  I think I should just put a picture of my Mom next to the term. That’s about as good as it can get.

So what does it mean for most of us?  I don’t think just one definition will do.  I guess the best way to look at it, may well be to see the aging process through your own individual lens.  Even if one becomes less cognizant of their surrounding, aging can still be graceful.

Every person is a unique creation.  Each one of us possesses something that is distinctive and totally our own.  Maybe, growing old is more about growing than getting older. Everyone grows older, but not everyone grows as they get old.  That seems to be just another way of saying what Mr. Renard wrote.

When it comes right down to it, it really is a matter of opinion.  Most of us have plenty of those. Maybe the key is to write one’s own quote about it and then see what happens as time passes. Either we will live up to our own expectations, or say to heck with it, and just grow old.

Often, when I want to write about something, I turn to Google.  I find that it gives me ideas that can inform and encourage me in my thought process.  It is akin to brainstorming, without another person. I would much rather brainstorm with people, but that isn’t always possible. The advantage to this kind of brainstorming is that it is literally at my fingertips.  No prior arrangements are required.

So I embarked on a short trip via my Chromebook and put “Keep the Faith”  into the search engine. As always, many things popped up that didn’t fit what I was looking for, but many other things did, and that got me started.

Keeping faith can mean different things, to different people, in different situations.  But, faith itself, is complete trust and confidence in someone or something. Faith is often thought of as being a belief, in God, in people, in oneself and a myriad of other things.  But for me, “keeping the faith,” includes all of them.

Faith is one of the three virtues, of which the other two are hope and love.  Faith is a very important concept, because where one places one’s faith determines what kind of life one leads.  It can manifest itself as an internal mantra that guides a person’s actions.

Faith, along with hope and love are so powerful.  The power of these three virtues provide a moral compass for the well-lived life.  In today’s world, we need to nurture a faith that grounds us. Whatever we choose to believe in has power over our lives.  So it is important to choose wisely.

Faith in goodness and kindness and positive, life-giving thoughts, words and deeds are what sustain us as people.  Each of us is in charge of where we choose to place our faith. That is the first step. After that, keeping the faith is a matter of living the life we have chosen.  

So, I say to God and to myself, each and every day, a prayer that I have written, that guides me on my path.  This is only one way to approach this concept. It is my way of “keeping the faith.”

What does it mean to be human?  Is it merely being alive as a physical being?  Are we just animals that walk on two legs? Are we more special than other living creatures?  Do we consider ourselves to be at the top of the food chain? ( Actually, according to an article in the Popular Science magazine on the food chain by Francie Diep, “…humans are kind of in the same place as anchovies and pigs.”)

What does it mean to be humane?  According to Merriam-Webster, humane is  1 : marked by compassion, sympathy, or consideration for humans or animals. Do humans feel the need to act humanely?  I wonder.

Just being human, does not translate to being humane.  In fact, being human happens just by being born.  Being humane requires a decision to be a person who cares about others in a deeply conscious way.  By the addition of one little “e,” humans can become better people.  A noun becomes an adjective, and the adjective becomes a character trait.  

The goal, it seems to me, is to be a human being that is humane.  Ironically, there are selfish reasons to do this. When we care for others collectively, things become better for all of us.  Sadly, to many people, this is not a universal truth.  Some people think that by giving others the same respect and care as as one wants for oneself, that means less of it for them.  This is an emotional greed that actually indicates need. The needs to have more than others, be in control of others, are weaknesses, not strengths, no matter how differently they may be presented by the economic and political authorities of the world.

Look at the most evolved leaders, religious and otherwise, and see the true power of being humane.  Power over other people and resources is actually the force and domination of some people over others.  Often, we’ve seen behaviors cloaked in beautiful, political catch phrases like “no child left behind” and “right to work,” which were anything but that.  The leaders who coined these slogans were seeking to deceive, and not present the true picture, in order to score votes that would put them in power.

So, what can each of us do to become more humane?  I think it begins with consideration of how our words and actions would seem and feel like if they were spoken and/or done to us.  It is this path that will expose the real meaning behind our words and deeds and the way they will affect other people. It is, in fact, the clearest way we can check our own true intentions, and then, decide whether that is the way we want to live our lives, by being humane or just being human.  

What if your very first thought at the start of your day was, ”Thank you?”  What if we began each morning with a prayer and a smile for all that is good in each of our lives?  And even on our darkest days, wouldn’t those thoughts and words be better than despair, that only serves to bring us further down?

I can’t begin to imagine the horrors of war and the depths of depression that exist in this world. And I am sure that there many more destructive experiences of which I have no knowledge.

But, I read a book about happiness once, many years ago.  This book was full of things to do that can psychologically help a person learn to be happy.  I wish I could remember the title of this book. After reading it, I bought quite a few copies and gave them as Christmas gifts.  It was so encouraging.

The book began with a true story of a holocaust survivor who had lived in a concentration camp.  She had seen her parents and most of her relatives killed. She’d been tortured. She could have been beaten down and destroyed by these experiences.  But she wasn’t. She held joy in her very being. She spoke of saving bits of her food to give to a starving guard dog that came to the other side of the fence.  The joy of giving to this dog helped sustain her. She would not be robbed of her joy by her surroundings and the people who held her hostage. You could hurt her physically, but she didn’t let it touch the essence of who she was.  I found it fascinating to know that this was even possible.

It’s so easy to be depressed in the world we live in today.  There is conflict everywhere. It’s in our government, in our relationships, our environment and so many other places.  But we have control of what we choose to think and feel about it. These outer conflicts do not have to determine our inner world.  That is always in our power.

So today, I just thought that happy thoughts were in order.  If we each begin within ourselves to find the joy we can choose to hold in our hearts, good can come into our homes and spill out into the world.  We own our feelings and have the power to say “Thank you,” no matter what happens.

One year ago, today, was the last time I saw Seth. It’s the anniversary of our last haircut, the one that Jean and I gave him, and the one he had re-done, the next day. We know because the receipt for the haircut was in his wallet.

He always wore a baseball cap, which caused his hair to do things that he didn’t like, like curl up around the back of his hat at the nape of his neck. But it was a Catch-22 situation. He started wearing the hat whenever he wasn’t happy with his hair. And then the source of his hair problems, became the hat-wearing, and its effect. And when it came to his hair, he was hard to please. He knew it, and I knew it.

So that day, when he called and asked me to cut his hair, I had questioned him about whether he even knew what he wanted, so I could evaluate the possibility of pleasing him. It was “just a trim”, he said. “Okay”, I said.

I was so busy that day, I could hardly see straight. That’s why my sister-in-law, Jean was there. She was helping me wade through my paperwork.

So, I began to cut his hair and she continued to work on some things for me in my office. After a while, she came up and said she wouldn’t mind finishing the haircut. He said okay and I was relieved. I went back to my work.

Afterward, they cleaned up the bathroom, and he came down to my office to say goodbye and thanks. He whispered to me, before Jean came into the room, that he wasn’t really happy with the cut, but that he would not ever tell that to Aunt Jean. Me, he could tell. After all, I was his mom, and it wasn’t something I hadn’t experienced before.

He was picky about his hair. So what? The important thing was, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. He was such a sweet kid. She came into the room. He thanked us both. He hugged and kissed us, told me he loved me and said goodbye. Then, he left.

Of course, I told Jean what he had said. I knew she would understand and appreciate the sweetness. She has her own son and could relate to the situation. He was grateful for our efforts, even if he didn’t like the results.

It was several days later, after the funeral, and Jean had dried out his wallet for me. I was at her house, and she showed me the contents. Among the few things that were in there was a receipt from a haircut place, dated the day after our haircut. She asked me if she could keep it. I said, “Yes, of course.” We smiled and laughed at the memory. And then we hugged and I had a good, long cry.