According to Merriam-Webster~

Reconcile 1a: to restore to friendship or harmony

                   b: settle; resolve

Reconciliation is difficult.  People who fully understand this concept are not found in great numbers.  But it is important to recognize its necessity in our daily lives. Unreconciled differences in families are some of the worst kinds of heartache.  Resolution of our differences is essential to a harmonious life. And the conflicts we do not reconcile will spill into the rest of society. That’s why, I believe, that we have war.  It begins in broken relationships

I guess it is just part of being human.  But, so too, is the desire to truly connect with other human beings. Just as love can be nurtured and grown, so can hatred and resentment.  It is imperative to learn forgiveness and model it. Otherwise, how do we teach reconciliation to our children, if we do not know how to forgive one another?

All over the world, the news is dominated by negative stories.  Because of this, we do not get the hopeful, encouraging messages we sorely need in order to think positively.  This contributes to the general malaise that permeates our environment. Getting past all of these cynical influences is overwhelming and exhausting, even when one tries to overcome them. But, if we do not try, things will never improve enough to reverse the direction of the destructive tide that threatens to destroy us.

People do not have to agree all the time.  What we really need to learn, is how to agree to disagree and look for common ground.  Common ground leads to compromise. In turn, compromise encourages mutual respect. If we could accomplish that, there would be less need of reconciliation in the first place.  That should be a goal we all can strive to do. Unfortunately, once the rift has been firmly established, some semblance of reconciliation must happen before we begin to work together.

On a positive note, change can begin in an instant, if people want to try.  Open minds and hearts can only do good, not harm. It starts in each one of us.  If enough people come forward, ready to cooperate and search for common ground, the work of peacemaking will have begun.

I have always had a habit of taking the least resistant path, especially when driving in traffic. When I am going somewhere, before I leave, I make a map in my head of the route that will take me to my destination in the least restrictive way.  In other words, I always use underpasses and overpasses to avoid trains. Even if the other ways may be shorter, I prefer not to be caught in traffic just to possibly save a few minutes.  I always drive the way in which I can turn right instead of crossing left on a street with heavy traffic coming from both directions. And using traffic lights whenever possible is the best!  I know where I got this way of thinking. It came from my mother.

My mom and I are alike in many ways.  When I was young I always modeled myself after her. This has served me well, most of the time. Neither of us throw caution to the wind. Nor do we like conflict.  This can be a problem, however, because it is a part of life that everyone needs to deal with. I have no problem facing conflict if it is for someone else.  I have been known to be quite fierce when It comes to advocating for others. But for myself, not so much. If I really need help though, I call my daughter. She is a force to be reckoned with.  That’s no lie!

There are people who like to take the most difficult path.  I have to say, I just cannot relate to that way of thinking. I would like to understand, because I want to know what makes people tick.

Having said all this, there is another path of resistance that I do take quite seriously.  When we see injustice and inequality we must collectively take a path of strong resistance to those forces. For that is what is required to make us all free to choose our individual paths in life. To resist, or not to resist  is not a choice that is afforded to everyone. A quest that contributes to giving this choice to all people, is a noble one indeed.  What is your path? Why have you chosen it?  Just giving you something to think about on a Sunday afternoon.

There are substantial written sources that extol the benefits of touch in human interaction. However, upon thinking about this topic, the absence of touch struck me as perhaps a more significant area to study. I googled “the absence of touch,” and a slew of articles popped up.

Upon first sight, I was edified just by the titles of these sources and the ramifications of this phenomenon.  I was struck by the term,”skin hunger,”that appeared on the first page of articles. “What an thought-provoking phrase,” I said to myself. I decided to read the article. Also known as “touch hunger, ”lack of  platonic touch causes a myriad of problems that are not just physical, but also psychological, and emotional.”

In “Born for Love ,” Maia Szalavitz wrote “…  babies who are not held, nuzzled and hugged enough, will literally stop growing and – if the situation lasts long enough, even if they are receiving proper nutrition, die.”   We literally need touch in order to survive.

Especially, with regard to men, platonic touch is a minefield in which distrust is rampant and fear of judgement abounds.  How can a boy learn appropriate behavior when our culture shows us that most of the acceptable touch between males is often gotten through rough housing, or in sports.  Without appropriate modeling by the men in their lives, healthy, gentle touch cannot be easily learned. Touch has become so inappropriately attached to sexual motives, that often, even boys who would like to innocently reach out to someone for purely supportive reasons, can be negatively affected by the sexual shaming attached to touch.  The consequences of these societal influences are far-reaching and contribute to feelings of isolation. If gentle touch is out of bounds, where does this lead us?

In Psychology Today, Kory Floyd Ph.D. stated,“Loneliness among American adults has increased 16 percent in the last decade”  People living alone has increased dramatically, and the opportunity for gentle caring touch is so limited that  people can die in their own homes without being discovered for days, even weeks. In the elderly population, the sense of isolation has caused extreme depression.  My own experience as a performer in nursing homes has been that when I have reached out to a resident to shake their hand, I have had to finally break away after a time in order to reach out to others waiting their turn.The resident simply does not want to let go, and they hungrily cling to the touch of someone’s hand.  It goes without saying that those living in loneliness are not being touched enough, if at all.

I have not included all the many ways that lack of touch presents itself.  It would be impossible to do this in a blog. Until I began to read about this subject, I was unaware of the severity of this issue.  I am reminded of the lyrics in a Diana Ross hit, “Reach out and Touch Somebody’s Hand. Make this world a better place, if you can.” I think that we can and should look for opportunities to do this in our daily lives. How about you?

Let me explain what I mean when I say, “Live in the moment.”  It’s not that you should cast caution to the wind. Nor, do I believe it to mean that what one may be doing at any given time should not be interrupted by something more important that may happen suddenly.  Rather, it is to be fully present in one’s life, and not waste time ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.

It also means that when doing things, your attention to that particular task is of utmost importance. Similarly, when one is with other people, to “be there” in true sense of the words is essential to good communication. Nothing is more hurtful to someone who needs to talk about something important, than to have the other person tune in and out of the conversation.  It is both rude and inconsiderate. One need only think of the golden rule to see the import of this concept.

One of the things that has caused people to be distracted so much of the time, is that there are so many of them.  One just has to be out in public to see evidence of this. There is so much noise. It is difficult to find a quiet place to just “be.”  Luckily, one can still find peaceful surroundings in nature. Being out in the early morning to walk in a quiet environment, can bring solace in the constant clamor of our world.  It is a wonderful way to center oneself before the day gets into full swing. Meditating or praying in nature can deliver a bonanza of blessings to the beginning of one’s day.

For some of us, the concept of being in the the moment comes naturally.  I was fortunate to grow up with such a person in my life. Even so, I still find it hard to be this way, even though I want  to do so. Living in the moment may be difficult, but if you want your life to have more meaning, then cultivating it is a good idea. You can do it right now, in this very moment!

Have you ever just taken a moment to think of all the good in your life?  There are so many things to be thankful for, regardless of all the things that are wrong.  Goodness is like that. And within all of those good things, far too many of them are taken for granted.  This is a mistake, because all that we have is a gift. And we should be grateful.

But we, as people, being flawed human beings, ascribe to many of the negative messages we hear daily.  So much of advertising is about what we don’t have. It is such a pervasive influence that it can alter our focus enough to have the effect of diminishing gratitude for what we do have.

Perhaps the most important gift that we have in most of the United States, is unlimited access to clean water.  We cannot live without it. And the ways we utilize it are numerous. It is so readily available, that we continuously waste it.  We know that this abundance is not true for many parts of the world. But, because it is always accessible to us, we take it for granted. It is so easy to do this when we do have so much.

If we have a job, there is a means for getting our needs met most of the time.  Those who are not as fortunate do not take things for granted. And they usually appreciate what they do have. The more spoiled we are, having everything we need, yet still wanting more, we tend not to think about those with few resources.  But that is a mistake, because situations can change in an instant. Life does not come with guarantees. Just because we may have things now, does not mean that this will always be so.

When we do not feel gratitude for the good things in our lives, we are wasting an opportunity to be truly happy. This is because happiness is a byproduct of gratitude.

If we have water and food, clothes on our backs, and a place to live, we are more fortunate than 75% of the world’s population according to many of the statistics I have read over the years. There are people in dire situations due to poverty, war and mental illness.  And the list goes on and on.

The longer I live, I find that the less I need and want.  This is a luxury as well, because I can choose to live as I wish, with or without the extra stuff in my life.  I have so much. And I think when one has much, there is a moral responsibility to do what we can for others. It is a privilege to be in such a position.

However one chooses to live his or her life, we should all try to appreciate what we have and not take things for granted.  This is perhaps one of life’s most important goals. Being thankful and sharing what we have makes our time here worthwhile.  And I believe that there is grace given to those who do.