When our kids were 12 and 13, maybe younger, an opportunity for our family to share with others showed itself.  I had found out about a project that a couple from our church had been involved in.  They were connected with a particular, very poor orphanage near Tijuana.  They visited monthly, with donated items of necessity for the children.

I was a sponsor for a young woman in a Confirmation class that they were leading.  Included in the sacramental preparation was service to others, which could take many forms.  One of the things that the kids could choose, was to buy Christmas gifts for the children who lived at the orphanage.  There was a list, which consisted of things like toothbrushes, socks, combs and hairbrushes, all of them things we take for granted.  I thought to myself, “How terrible. Those things are bare necessities.  That’s not much of a Christmas.”

After our meeting, I went up and asked how many kids lived there and could I have a list of names and ages.  She said she would get it to me. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I wanted to do something.  I went home to talk to the family about it.

When I told them about the kids and this list of “gifts” for them, they all felt the same as me.  But, what were we going to do?  When I received the list, we brainstormed. There were almost 90 kids on the list and their ages ranged from 2 to 19 years old.  We had something like 60 to 75 dollars that we could out of our budget, to spend.  What in the world could we buy, so that each of them would get something?

We decided to go to Price Club, a membership store that had bargains for things that you buy in bulk.  We walked down the aisles and searched for ideas.  Even without the age spread, we had a problem with having less than a dollar for each present.

We were just strolling along, and then we saw notebooks of paper.  Yeah, everyone could use paper! And what about a pencil and pen to go with them?  After adding up the cost of these, by buying them in bulk, we found that we still had some money left.  The kids found the final addition,one package of gum each. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but these kids didn’t have much.  My friend had told me about how they were just so grateful for every little thing they were given.  And she spoke of how they shared everything and got along so well.

We went home and began the process of unwrapping the packaging, separating the items, and putting them into piles, ready to be wrapped in Christmas paper.  The kids wrapped all of the gifts while I worked on the name tags.  I typed out each one, so they would be easily read. It took quite a long time to wrap all of the presents.  I think that it was a couple of afternoons, after school.  Then we put on the name tags, and put in a few extra gifts, without the tags, in case they would get anyone new at the orphanage.  We put them in boxes, ready to be picked up.

We enjoyed the experience so much, but were unprepared for the lessons we learned.  The kids there were happy, and they didn’t have the things we take for granted.  We found out what you can do with a little money and thought, and a lot of caring.  But the most important lesson came much later.  We received a call from the couple, thanking us for the gifts.  The kids had all been so excited about these meager (to us) gifts we had given them.  Do you know why?  They were so happy because we had put their name on their present. These kids had never gotten a gift before, with their name on it.  The gifts had always just been given to whoever was next in line.

Can you imagine what that must have been like?  But then again, they had been happy with a toothbrush.  Happiness had nothing to do with the things they got.  It had to do with human respect, sharing and caring and being called by name.

I spend a lot of time thinking about water.  Every time I see it go down the drain when I could have turned it off sooner, I feel bad.  Something I read some years back, made me realize just how much water is wasted by people in highly-developed countries.  In some other countries, where water is scarce due to being in the desert and/or lack of rain, water is precious and treated as such.

I read a story about a woman who was poor and lived in a region of the South Africa where the dry times were spent waiting for the rains to come.  She was able to get a job and rent a place that wasn’t much more than a room and where she shared a tap with the owner who watched her suspiciously when she got water from the outdoor faucet, always warning her not to take too much.  But she was so happy, so grateful for that tap. Gratitude for our abundance of water is rarely discussed in my circles. I think that it is something that we take for granted and like many of our blessings, we don’t even think about it at all.

But I think that it should be something we think about.  And of course, we should also be grateful for it. It is part of being human that we don’t consider things to be valuable, until they are gone.  It is a far better thing to learn to be grateful while we enjoy the benefits of these blessings while we have them, and not just when they are no longer there.

Water, is perhaps the most valuable thing on earth.  We literally can’t live without it. Humans are 60% water.  We can live three weeks without food, but only 4 or 5 days without water.  I have never been in a situation where water was unavailable to me. I do not think that I am the only one.

So, what’s my point?  Don’t waste water, ever, if you can help it.  Appreciate it every time you take a drink, take a shower, clean, cook, wash clothes, do dishes, water your plants and lawn and etc.  Gratitude is, in itself, a blessing. Thank God for it. Appreciate it. Don’t pollute it. Support organizations that help people in places all over the world where it is scarce, to find ways of harvesting it and for providing better ways of delivering it to the people.  This is my aspiration. Might it be yours, too?

There  is a huge difference between having fun with someone and poking fun at a person. There is an even bigger difference between having fun and making fun of other people.  I have seen this played out in my observance of children playing. It is a difficult situation to be in charge of monitoring children at play.

Once you have witnessed these behaviors, in which some children lord a type of authority over other children, the next thing that must be done is to come up with a strategy.  There needs to be a plan to correct the behavior without embarrassing the ones who are being treated unfairly and at the same time, redirect the ones who are the aggressors in a firm yet non-confrontational manner.  This is extremely challenging. But it must be done in order to create a generation that values each of us.

Our culture has become mean-spirited.  Children’s behavior is learned from the adults around them.  We are all responsible for making the world a kinder place. It is in everyone’s best interest to find ways of curbing this behavior.

Therein lies the problem. A significant number of people also have a habit of saying ”It’s not my problem.”  It is highly unlikely that with such an attitude being prevalent, that things will appreciably change for the better.  It just perpetuates the problem. We need a “game plan.” And then, we need to come up with a different phrase, one that will counteract this attitude.  

It seems to me, that at first, we will have to interject opportunities for people to be friendly, so that they can see what can come of it.  There was a video I saw recently about a little girl who decided that she wanted there to be a “Buddy Bench” at her school, where new or shy kids could sit.  Whenever someone sat on it, that was a signal for other children to step up and ask them to play. Inviting someone to join a community, whether at school, or in your neighborhood or workplace is a simple positive way for adults to model this kind of behavior.

I certainly don’t have all the answers to this problem.  But we need to start the conversation. I think I will begin to talk to my teacher friends and brainstorm about little ways we could set things in motion by inserting opportunities into the school day.  And parents and other adults could do the same thing, and be ready whenever the occasion presents itself.

Change for good or bad, begins with intention and a mindset.  A simple change of mind can turn into a change of heart. That could be the catalyst for a positive revolution.  Wouldn’t that be a wonderful legacy to leave behind?

Everyone has a story to tell.  Each of us has a path to follow.  Whether or not it is shared with anyone is each person’s choice.  Perhaps, one may not even be aware that these things belong to them. The challenge is to write that story and choose that path, because it belongs to you and you alone. It can’t be taken away, unless you allow it.

You’ve probably heard from someone in your life that you should do this or that, say this or that, even go in one direction or another. But each of us must decide whether we want to do what others say.  If it agrees with you, take it graciously and consider it as a support for yourself. If not, say, ”No, thank you.” and move on.

One life, that’s all we get.  If we want others to tell us what to do, then that is a decision too.  All I’m saying is, let it be your decision. Especially be wary of those who are always giving unsolicited advice. Unless you ask, you need not respond to their suggestions.  It is nobody else’s business.

Once you have decided what your story is, tell it to people who love and support you.  They will encourage and validate you, and appreciate that your shared it with them. They will respect your story and the path you have chosen.  If they don’t, then you will know something about them. These are lessons on your path. People are not always going to be who you think they are. These are opportunities for growth and learning how to trust your gut.  It feels wrong, it usually is.

I guess what I am saying, is be true to yourself.  Find out who your true friends are and support them as they do you. And if you don’t find my words helpful, say, “No thank you.”  I am just following my path, doing what I do, and if it doesn’t suit you, comment and tell me. I will take no offense and be grateful for your words.  I have lessons to learn and you will have helped me straighten my path. You will have helped me tell my story better. For any of your comments, good or negative, I thank you in advance.

I have decided, that for me, the privilege of being a Grandma to my daughter’s children is a gift beyond measure.  Unfortunately, not everyone has the opportunity to have grandchildren. That makes it all the more precious to those of us who do.

I remember the day as clearly as it if it were yesterday, the moment my first granddaughter was born.  It inspired me to write a piece entitled, “Bliss.” For indeed, it was just that. Disbelief and joy erupted into an all-encompassing love, as I was able to be there in the same room only a foot away, and see her enter this world. The tears ran down my face as the anticipation became a reality. I literally glowed from the inside out at the sight of her, my namesake, my Lora.  Now she will be forever known as “little Lora,” even as she towers over me when she hugs and kisses me hello and goodbye.

I am blessed to have two more wonderful grandchildren, Michael and Arcadia (known as Cadi.) As wonderful as it was being a parent, grand-parenthood has many advantages. Your main job is just to love them.  It is not your responsibility to raise them. You can just enjoy them and be there for them.

My husband and I have never believed in spoiling them with too many things, because that is not what we wanted our relationship to be based on.  Besides, they got so much from other people, that it was not necessary. Sure, we would give them gifts,but often they were things they could use.  Instead, time together was the gift we chose to give them. And the experiences of going places together, playing games and just being together were more important to them.

The way I know that this is so, is that one Christmas, I decided to give them “coupons.”  The coupons, which I made on card stock on my computer and printer were for doing things together.  They had things written on them, such as go to the movies, stay overnight, go out to lunch, (my favorite thing to do,) and just “hang out.”  They had our phone number on them and they could call us and ask for one of the activities.

One year, I thought they had become too old for them, and after they had opened presents they just sat there and looked at me. “Where are our coupons?” they said.  I was so surprised and delighted to know how much those coupons had meant, and I promised to make some for them. It reminds me of something I read and have always believed.  I forget the exact wording but what it boils down to, is that what children really want is your presence much more than your presents. It is a lesson that works with adult relationships as well.  And I learned that by being a grandma.