For all of the overt physical contact between people, shown both in the media and in people’s personal lives, intimacy is a misunderstood concept.  Intimacy is often thought about in terms of sex. If someone has been intimate with another person, many people would automatically think of sex. But sex is not the essence of intimacy even though it can be a part of it.

True intimacy is being deeply understood by another human being.  It is being “seen” and accepted. It’s when someone “gets” you. Actions can be sexual, but often the most intimate action of all, is actively listening to another human being.

To me, the most important component of intimacy is trust.  It is impossible to maintain an intimate relationship without it.  Intimacy in families is taught and nourished when parents spend time together with their children.  Having quality time with one’s parents or other closely related adults and having it regularly when one is growing up is what teaches us how to be intimate.  As adults, talking with our children teaches the next generation how to form and keep lasting relationships that enrich the lives of all of us.

A healthy relationship is the key that opens the door to true intimacy.  One must feel accepted by the other person. Once that is found, there is fertile ground in which to grow.  Laughing together, crying together, sharing our emotions with someone who is there for us, gives meaning to our individual lives.  When conflict occurs, the relationship can take it. Solutions to problems can be found.

Nurturing intimacy makes our lives richer in so many ways.  In today’s world, much of our contact with other people is not face-to-face.  If one can look into another person’s eyes and really see that person, our own little world becomes a better place to live.  And close, loving relationships are the rewards of an intimate life.

When one needs to make a decision, before even thinking about it, just breathe. Take a really deep breath. Then, take another one. Stop in your tracks and let the air fill your lungs.  Let the air out slowly and then take a moment to feel the effect. Makes you feel better, doesn’t it?

According to Harvard Mental Health Letter , this skill is inborn, but often lies dormant. It goes on to say that reawakening it allows you to tap one of your body’s strongest self-healing mechanisms.  I know that whenever I do this exercise that I wonder why I don’t breathe deeply more regularly.  I have recently been trying to do this exercise daily and it really does make me feel good.

Upon further research, I found many, many benefits from deep breathing.  Some of them are: releasing tension, relaxing the mind and body, and relieving pain.  It massages your organs and increases muscle. Deep breathing strengthens the immune system, the lungs and heart.  And it boosts energy while improving stamina and cellular rejuvenation. Proper breathing assists in weight control and elevates one’s mood.  It is key to the very beginning of each person’s life at birth.

I could go on, but you get the idea.  So why don’t we all wake up and do breathing exercises?  I hate to admit it, but as for me, I think it’s laziness.  And there is no excuse, because I used to do this daily and felt great.  This past week, I have begun the practice again. However, I am not as regimented as I was before.  Small steps will get me there.

It has just occurred to me, that a deep breath would be a great way to begin every important meeting because it has the power to clear one’s mind.  In a person’s individual life, it is always possible to do this anytime and anywhere. It costs nothing but a little time and a little energy. But the benefits are like a welcome breeze, that refreshes us on a hot, humid day.

It really is the little things that make a big difference in our lives.  These “little things” can include a ready smile by someone you love, who loves you too.  One can have an absolutely horrific day, but that smile can change everything and you can feel okay again.  It really matters.

When a friend stops by and you are not home, a note just saying that they had dropped by can make a difference.  Simple acts of politeness can change the mood of a perfect stranger. Just opening a door, or letting someone into a line of backed up traffic can have significance.

I have found, that visiting a person who is lonely can mean everything to that person.  Acknowledgement of another human being, however inconsequential it may seem to the person giving it, can be the moment that changes the day and makes life bearable for the person who is being visited.

I realized, just the other day, that being listened to, and heard when one is upset, is overwhelmingly profound.  When it happened to me, I was astonished by the feeling of relief and the tears that flowed just because I had been able to trust someone enough to be totally vulnerable.  And just by someone taking the time and care to do this for me, the burdens, I had been carrying around with me, vanished.

So, it has occurred to me, as I am writing this, that these are not such ”little things.” Maybe they seem small because they do not cost money. But there many things far more valuable than money or things, even in this materialistic world.  These things are our actions. And they may be big or small, take lots of time or just seconds. Our actions, when they are positive and given freely, create a better place.  Simple, yet powerful, are the seemingly “little things” that make a big difference in our lives.

For anyone younger than 50 or 60, this topic about eyebrows will probably not compute.  Today, a popular opinion about the hair above one’s eyes is that thicker, well-shaped arches are the goal.  In fact, girls are going to get their eyebrows done. In my day, we tended to do them ourselves. Thinner brows were popular when I was in high school, and that was the way I shaped them.  Plucking my eyebrows was just a regular part of my personal hygiene.

I continued to do this for many years.  And until quite recently, I needed to pluck the hairs close to and outside of the boundaries of my desired shape of the brow.  But now, I have places in each brow where they seem to disappear. For instance, they have become thinner in the desired brow area, even though they still grow under and over it.  But the worst part of my problem is that some of them have turned grey and white. That means I have to darken the spaces if I want them to be seen.

So far, I have used mascara to color the white and grey hairs.  But soon, I think more drastic measures may be necessary. I will probably need to use an eyebrow pencil soon.  And after that? I shudder to think of the alternatives.

Now, you may be thinking that I am making too much out of this situation.  But eyebrows are an integral part of many facial expressions. Without them, some of our emotions will be muted or maybe even misinterpreted.  Just draw some faces and leave off the eyebrows. Maybe you will understand what I mean.

I have always used my facial expressions to enhance the emotions I am portraying when I perform in plays.  And the same goes for singing. They are a major factor in many mediums, including the dramas of our personal lives.  If this mirrors your own feelings, you already understand what I am saying. If not, just imagine not being able to raise an eyebrow when you need to do so.  Not a pretty picture is it?

I have really come to love my “old lady” shoes.  It’s not just because they are comfortable. And it’s certainly not because they are stylish.  They aren’t. But these babies protect my feet and are sort of like an whole life insurance policy. If you wear them, (pay the premiums) they will give you a better life while you are still here, (the dividends).  And after you are gone your family will benefit from having had you around when you were healthy so you could leave them an inheritance, (good memories).

When I was younger, my appearance was far more important to me.  This was because I always wanted to leave a good impression. I really cared about looking presentable, and that meant decent clothes and of course, good shoes.

Since my Italian grandfather was a cobbler and did shoe repair, he was the expert we went to, who gave us his opinion on the shoes that we bought.  Thus began my love of shoes. I had many pairs of shoes. But I never spent a lot of money on them. I found that if I shopped often, I would find beautiful leather shoes that were barley, if ever worn, at thrift shops.  First off, I would check the bottoms of shoes and the backs of them. I think that some women would buy shoes, that were maybe a little bit tight, thinking they would stretch out. And if that didn’t happen, they just gave them away.  Therefore, I was the beneficiary of their mistaken judgement. I knew what to look for. And I never bought a pair that didn’t fit or feel comfortable right from the get go.

I think that is why I really didn’t go for the orthopedic styles.  Let’s face it. They really don’t draw attention to themselves. At least, not in a good way.  But now, I am far more concerned with how I come across to others. And that has nothing to do with your feet or how they are adorned.  I’d rather they look into my face and see that I am sincere and honest.

So, I must say that my “old lady” shoes have become some of my closest friends. And to think I may have never tried on a pair, had I not needed foot surgery. I must stress that the surgery had nothing to do with wearing shoes that weren’t good for my feet.  I am grateful for the fact that these, not so stylish, “old lady” shoes have a place in my closet. And they sure have a place of comfort in my heart.