Yesterday, on a gorgeous autumn day, my dear, sweet, funny mother-in-law was laid to rest.  It was a fitting farewell and also a homecoming here, in that she returned to her hometown.  There she joined her deceased family members at her final resting place in the city where she grew up.  The mass service and the luncheon after was attended by family members and friends. There, they shared memories and stories of their collective lives together.

On such occasions, I am reminded of my own passing in the near or far future.  I ponder what mine will be like. I hope to be remembered, as she was, for the positive ways I was able to affect the lives of others.  I hope to be remembered for the good humor I was able to provide for my dear ones along the way. To be missed for the words and actions of one’s life is to have fulfilled the reason for which we are born.  That is, in my opinion, to share our love and be there for others. That is my sincere desire. I want to be remembered in this way, as she was.

She believed in God and lived the life of a servant to the people she encountered.  Isn’t that the very best reason to be missed? She worked hard, loved deeply and made us laugh.  These three things sustained her and her family through many a difficult and challenging time. People could count on her to say what she meant to say, mean what she said and do what she said she was going to do.  She lived well, and died well, surrounded by her family in those last days. It was a good and peaceful death.

We should want to be remembered for these things.  It matters how we treat our fellow travelers in this life.  As people, we live on this earth together. Living a good life is not easy.  My mother-in-law knew this. And the way we live matters. If we do it to the best of our ability, as she did, then we will have fulfilled our purpose.  And then, we can look forward to the true eternal rest in heaven, the final homecoming.

When I think about the quality of one’s life, it strikes me that honesty is of the utmost importance.  If a person cannot count on another person to be honest with him or her, the relationship can only go so far.  Trust is absolutely needed in any close relationship. Without trust, a person may only be an acquaintance or could even turn out to be an adversary.  Trust is the foundation of a good relationship of any kind. But it is truly necessary for healthy, close ones.

The first thing I knew for sure about my husband was that he was an honest and kind person.  I have never been attracted to people that had the capacity for being “too cool” to show emotion or warmth.  And I never have understood the fascination that some girls had or have for “bad boys.” To me, “bad boys” were bad news.  They still are. I treasure the honesty my husband and I have between us.

There are different types of friendships according to the kind of contact one has with another person.  School friends, business friends, friends of the same faith, those that share the same values and other connections all have a level of trust.  However, our most intimate relationships go well beyond simply telling the truth. Those relationships require a deeper level of honesty.

Whatever a person decides to do in life, the relationships one has will be the key things that determine its quality.  Without honesty, one can only guess at another’s motives. And without trust, one cannot have meaningful interactions. 

Quality of life is determined by different things to each of us.  However, one thing will always be true. With trust and honesty, life will have more meaning.  And isn’t that what people really yearn for in this earthly existence?

Sometimes, all it takes is a single smile to change a person’s day from bad to good, sad to happy, or discouraging to hopeful.  Smiles have that kind of power. But they must be true smiles, and not insincere or overdone. A person knows if a smile is real by the way it makes one feel.

In my own life, I have found that because I smile very easily, sometimes people don’t accept my authenticity.  I don’t take this personally, because I know that everyone has a unique experience. Some of us have been treated dishonestly by the adults around them when growing up.  It can make a person wary of other people’s motives, even when they don’t want to feel that way.

If one wants to approach a person who has been dealt with in this way, that encounter will require a lot of sensitivity.  A person who has been fooled by fake smiles in the past will be wary of people who smile a lot, like me.  

It is really important not to take such rebuffs personally.  No one really knows another person’s story. Bad experiences in early childhood can affect one’s whole life.  But, in my opinion, I would rather have some of my smiles left unappreciated, than to stop doing something that is a part of me. 

Babies are fascinating when it comes to smiling.  Sometimes, they smile easily and engage with other people instantly and with great excitement!  I call these little people “live ones”. I really get a kick out of these kiddos! Other babies will look at you like you are a curiosity and just stare at you when you smile at them.  And then, there are others who look downright suspicious of you. It is so much fun to engage with these little sweethearts. And it helps to explain how adults become the way they are.

Regardless of how another person reacts to a smile, people should continue to do it, and do it with love and good humor.  In fact, the alternative is never going to produce a return smile. And that would be a crying shame. 

I absolutely love words.  I relish the way language grows and changes.  I delight in English for its many origins of words.  There are so many reasons to treasure language, especially the one you learn from birth.  But vocabulary, is my passion. Finding different words to express my ideas gives me great joy.

Working in English classes with different students, I learned that my attitude toward vocabulary was rare.  Whenever I found a student that was enthralled with the many ways of saying something, I was excited. It made me feel hopeful.  I really wanted students to love words as much as I did. As uncommon as it was for many of them to feel that way, the ones who did, made it worthwhile.

An extensive and varied vocabulary is a necessary asset in many professions.  Any job that requires excellent written communication skills requires, at least, an adequate vocabulary.  It is an important ability for earning an advanced education. Reading and writing on a high level affords a person far more opportunities in many of life’s pursuits.

Beyond my thirst for words themselves, their origins are fascinating and sometimes quite amusing.  My husband and I have found a number of books that explain the meanings of many colloquialisms and colorful phrases.  It is very interesting, and intriguing to me.

And then, there are many words in English that are spoken in different countries, such as England, Wales, and Scotland.  Some of these words, when spoken in these different places, have entirely different meanings. My husband and I visited a friend of mine in England.  He and his wife played a game with my husband and me. It started by one of them saying a word or phrase in British English. My husband and I would then say what we thought it meant.  After that, the tables were turned and we gave words and phrases in American English and they guessed the meaning. We laughed so hard it almost hurt. Words can be quite entertaining.

The importance of language can affect so many aspects of our lives.  I have tried to use many different words that have similar meanings in this blog.  I hope you enjoyed my choices and if you have found any mistakes, please let me know.  That’s how I grow. Thanks for your comments in advance. I will greatly appreciate your words to me.

I have had this two-word phrase in my mind many times.  Living deliberately is something to aspire to in this fast-moving culture we live in.  Oftentimes, I imagine myself living in my mother’s generation. Growing up in the 1930’s and 1940’s, people lived a less complicated life and it was easier to live in the moment.  They didn’t have constant outside stimulation to interfere and infiltrate their every move.

Electronics and devices didn’t exist.  Most people had one radio in the family.  When people first got telephones, it was on a party-line. Wealthy people were the only ones who had a car.  Television became available after World War II, but not everyone had one. My folks bought their first TV in the early 50’s.  Many people were poor. But they were rich in experiences and had close relationships with neighbors and in their communities.  Comradery was real. Because of all these things, it was natural to “make your own fun,” as my mother would say. In this scenario, living deliberately was a natural occurrence. It just happened.  It was life, pure and simple.

Today, living deliberately is almost counter-culture.  Our culture seeks to distract, sell, encourage consumerism and brainwash us with the message that we need things and money to have a “good life.”  Even when we “retire,” we find ourselves busier than ever. We don’t have neighborhoods where we know people the people that live on our street. We don’t have a community built into our neighborhoods. 

So much of this is understandable.  But I think we’ve lost much of the desire to live deliberately.  We need to create an environment where this is possible. We need to ditch the electronics  other distractions, at least part of the time. There are many wonderful inventions and innovations to make life easier, but do they always?  Or, do we just find different things with which to busy ourselves?

I have come to crave silence, because it allows me to think or not think.  I can pray or meditate and maybe find the answer to exactly what I want to do, and then do it, deliberately.  To be fully “in the moment” and just be where I am, fully conscious of the “now” I am in.  That’s living deliberately. To me, that is a more genuine life. That is what we can choose to do, if we want to, and not be vulnerable to the winds of change.  If we’d like to, we can decide for ourselves what we want to do and do it in our own time and our own way, by living deliberately.