Many people are familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality test.  It is a tool to help people understand themselves and others. Companies often give them to their employees in order to learn about the ways different people approach each other and the best way to utilize their talents and proclivities when working together on projects.  Others, like me, are intrigued by such an analysis.

There is another, different personality assessment, in which I participated, from the book, Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates.  In this book, there is a Temperament Sorter, which is a test to find your personality type.  There are four major types which are then put into sixteen specific profiles that give the reader a pretty accurate portrait of how a person thinks and what character traits they possess.

Once one finds out more about oneself, a person can get an idea about what makes the people in one’s family tick.  By reading the types in detail, a person can guess the type of those people in their lives with whom they have intimate contact.  It is only a guess and perhaps not totally accurate. The best way is for each person to take the test and then read the profiles of the people in their lives together.

In the workplace, this personality test can be especially helpful in choosing assignments for groups of people who will not clash, but instead, work well together in those specific tasks.  It also allows an employer to make the best use of each person in the individual job they perform.

I was so jazzed by this book, I encouraged many friends and family members to take it.  Sometimes it was not received well. I may have overwhelmed some of them. But many of the people I asked to participate were just as curious I had been about assessing myself.  We enjoyed the experience together and found out why we were attracted to each other.

All in all, we can benefit from knowing each other better as people.  After all, like it or not, we are all in this together. How we interact with each other in a society is an indication of our world view.  Besides, isn’t it better to live in harmony? I, for one, think so. And maybe a personality test could be of help. I think it’s worth a try.  It sure couldn’t hurt.

The word, “understanding” is both a noun and an adjective.  As such, a person can have an understanding with another person, it can be an individual’s perception or judgement of a situation, or it can be the ability to think abstract thoughts.  And there are even more definitions of this word as a noun. As an adjective, the meaning is compassionate, sympathetic, sensitive, considerate and tender. I think of understanding as being an adjective more often than as a noun.

I guess the reason I think of the word this way, is because I believe that people should strive to be kind to one another.  It is important to be able to put yourself in another person’s shoes. Being understanding can give meaning to our interactions with our fellow human beings in a profound way, by thinking more deeply and being more concerned about another person’s situation.

Many conflicts happen because of the lack of understanding between the opposing parties.  That’s why mediation can be so effective. If people can become understanding, (the adjective), then it is possible to have an understanding (the noun).  Now that is truly the essence of this word.

I have been an observer of many conflicts between students in the school environment.  If only there is an instant of caring by one party to the other, one can see a glimmer of hope that they will resolve their differences.  Sadly, this does not happen very often. The problem with these situations is that rarely is one or both of the participants able to separate the ego from the issue at hand.  There is a world of hurt in many young people and acting out against others is their way of coping. There is certainly a need for understanding in all the stages of our lives.

I would like to see more education for the entire population, of all ages, to learn the actions that create positive conflict resolution.  Think of all the problems that could be solved, if only we were able to teach understanding. With understanding, peace is possible. And isn’t that what most people want in their lives, even if they cannot express it?  That is my wish for our world. Anything is possible if we want to understand each other. The question to be answered is, “Do we?”

When I was in grade school, I remember when we learned to do cursive writing.  (We had been printing our letters for several years.) It started by being shown how to correctly hold the pencil in our hand. (We used pen later on.)  Then, we began to practice by drawing circles, loops and other movements.  

The special paper we used to learn how to print, came back out again.  The paper consisted of rows made of two straight lines with a third, middle line made of dashes.  We were instructed on how to practice the segments of a letter which would be combined to form one whole letter.  Once that was mastered, words could be formed by connecting the specific letters into words.

In my class, the word “penmanship” was used as the term for cursive writing, even though penmanship, as defined in different dictionaries, can be handwriting in pen, the art of skill in writing by hand, even as calligraphy.  Printing was less formal, and as such, seemed to have a lesser value.

In 2010, Common Core standards no longer included the teaching of cursive in the curriculum.  But further research into the benefits of learning cursive has had schools rethink that decision..  Since then, over two dozen states have reintroduced it into the curriculum. There is some disagreement about the benefits of teaching it, but research has discovered many reasons for learning this skill.

Some of the pro-cursive arguments include:  “improved neural connections by a more dynamic interplay between the left and right cerebral hemispheres which helps build neural pathways that increase mental effectiveness.“  In other words, it’s good for the brain. Other reasons include: increased writing speed, the ability to read cursive and improved fine motor skills. Most articles I read had at least six more reasons.  Some had more. And yet a few other articles did not see it as being useful. I disagreed with those.

Regardless of the reasons, I think that writing in cursive has a place in the school curriculum.  It demonstrates an acquired skill that distinguishes one person’s signature from other ones. It requires concentration and attention to detail in order to learn the proper strokes.  It is artistic. And it can be fun. That’s about it. And that is enough for me.

I remember hearing it said that after surviving a great loss, a person can become bitter or better.  It struck me, after I lost my son, that this was my choice to make. I had witnessed other people become bitter after a tragic loss and I didn’t want that to happen to me.  So I immersed myself in the grief that enveloped me. I knew that I would never “get over” it. But I felt that if I went “through” it, I would be able to eventually make peace with this tragedy and his death.

So this is what I set out to do.  I would not be bitter, but I would try to become a better person.  And I think, after a lot of time has passed, that this is true. I don’t mean that I am perfect or wonderful, but a better person than I was before.

Maybe being bitter or better can be applied to other major challenges in our lives.  I think so. Being there for another person when they are experiencing grief of any kind, is an action that makes a person grow in compassion.  

Sometimes, approaching another person when they are belligerent and unpleasant, just to listen to what they have to say, can cause a change of mood.  It can, perhaps, be an example of giving emotional support to one who has been treated badly. Providing an accepting presence can give a troubled person a chance to see themselves in a better light.  One never knows what a dramatic impact kindness can bring to another person.

One day, I had the chance to approach an angry young man when he was sitting alone.  I tried to identify with him, even though his behavior was mean most of the time. I imagined him as my son having a bad day.  It was really difficult, but we finally connected in a brief moment. These things matter. Seemingly small actions can have a great effect on a person.  Looking at him through a mother’s eyes made me feel better. I don’t know if I made a positive difference or not. But it matters when we try. Being bitter or better is a choice.  It is up to each of us how we react to the challenges we face. Being better is a worthy quest in the difficult times of our lives.

Delayed gratification is so much sweeter than getting what you want, whenever you want it.  When one can acquire things immediately, there is no anticipation involved. Unless, of course, there is a waiting period long enough to feel it.  What I mean is, that when one gets things easily, their meaning fades quickly. But if you must wait, then you experience anticipation. Anticipation is what truly delivers joy, for the waiting is the part that delivers it.

Because of this, children often do not appreciate things, even the gifts they may ask for, and then, can tire of them easily.  Getting what you want, or what you think you want, can disappoint. It’s the waiting, the anticipation, that satisfies. And, joy is intensified if one must work for something and save their money.

Delayed gratification has nothing to do with needs.  Needs and wants are very different things. One needs food, clothing and shelter.  But if one does not have everything they need most of the time, getting those things can bring appreciation.  And joy is a product of appreciation.  

Communication with other people used to be something our family looked forward to, and that was a form of delayed gratification.  Getting cards at Christmas time with the newsy bits was a joy. When my children were young and we lived far away from our family, we made our own cards and sent them out early.  On the way home from the post office we already began to feel the hopeful anticipation that we would receive lots of responses. When we finally got Christmas cards from family and friends, we were so happy.  

Another example of delayed gratification is having pen pals from other countries.  The fact that the letter, once written, would take a fair amount of time to get there was the first part.  Then the other person had to write a letter and send it back. If your pen pal was a quick correspondent, and mailed the return letter immediately, it could take a week to 10 days to receive a reply.  So the total time from sending a letter, and getting a return was 14-20 days. That was delayed gratification for sure! The joy of reading the reply was exciting to me as a teen. Letter writing still has that effect on me.

Instant gratification simply does not have the positive impact of delayed gratification.  It never will. When one has to work for something, anticipation intensifies A result of this action allows maturity to grow.  Mature adults are what is needed to make a good society. Delayed gratification is a way to get there.