Whenever a person makes a mistake, it is important to admit your mistake and apologize.  If one does not do this, it can create a breach of trust between the party or parties involved.  No one wants to be deceived.  It is hurtful and dishonest.  An apology is necessary to maintain trust.  If one cannot trust a person to act in good faith, a relationship of any kind, cannot be fully retained.  For if we cannot trust a person to be honest, then we will doubt the words or actions of that person. This has lasting effects that can hamper any future dealings with one another.

If one wants to have lasting relationships, trust is necessary.  It is the glue that holds our relationships together.  Whether personal or professional, if you admit your mistake and apologize, your relationship will be stronger because we all make mistakes and your connection with the other person will be strengthened by your honesty.  If not, then you will know important information about the relationship.  There is no such thing as a “perfect” person.

It’s important to recognise that a mistake does not mean failure.  Mistakes are how we learn important lessons, about oneself, and one’s ability to do specific tasks.  A mistake can teach a person valuable information about a task or a problem that needs to be solved.  It can affect the success or failure of an experiment.  To quote Thomas Edison, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”  Imagine if he had not admitted his mistakes.

Apologies are most important in our closest relationships.  One of my most profound experiences was when my father apologized for yelling at me.  That memory sticks in my brain and heart for it taught me the power of admitting a wrong and apologizing.  It left a lasting memory and showed me the strength in being able to admit the wrongs I have done.  If you have trouble apologizing, practice it.  Do it in front of a mirror until it feels genuine.  Because if you admit your mistakes, and just apologize whenever you make a mistake, the lasting benefits will be seen in the relationships that truly matter to you.  It will create a legacy of trust and humility to those you leave behind.  And that’s a very good thing.

When I was in elementary school, I had a friend that I saw and played with all summer long.  We were not in the same grade and never did things together during the school year because of that.  But the summer was our time together.  And I mean that we were together all the time.  Summer was full of activities from morning until supper time, which we sometimes shared together too.

She was a year behind me in school, but I knew she was smarter than I was.  That was fine with me.  I was not jealous.  I was amazed by her imagination and the way she planned out our daily activities.  She was so much fun!

Everyday, at about 8 or 9 o’clock, I would go over to her house.  She lived exactly 2 blocks from my house.  The reason I went there was because all the things we played with were at her house.  She had 2 sisters.  One was 6 years older and the other one was 12 years older.  So there was a collected assortment of board games and other things that kept us busy.  We played games first on most days. 

We rode our bikes and took swimming lessons together.  We went to the nearby park in the afternoon, playing volleyball and other activities with the park directors.  On rainy days, we played in her basement.  There were the makings of many different activities including playing house in which there were several sets of kitchen items. We threw darts for them, taking turns for choosing each one.  She was much better than me, so she usually got first choice.  But I didn’t mind.  It still was fun .

We also lip-synced to records that had been handed down from her sisters.  And we even performed in talent shows for each other.  She had shelves of Nancy Drew books and suggested different ones for me to borrow, just as a librarian would do.  And she made game shows on the sidewalk with chalk.  There were prizes too, which we used again and again.

We walked to Bonnie Doon’s (a favorite destination) for sundaes almost everyday.  We even went at night when we were older.  It was safe to walk in the dark in those days.  They had the best ice cream around!  On Sundays she would come with me and my family to Lake Michigan.  We went every weekend if it didn’t rain.  Once a year, I went with her and her parents to a park with spectacular slides.  They brought a picnic lunch and we would bring waxed paper and slide all day until dark.

We literally spent the entire summer together.  But we rarely saw each other during the school year.  I’m not sure why.  But I think we just had different things to do.  It didn’t affect our relationship one bit.  Every summer, we picked up where we left off.  

She became a lawyer, and moved to a different state.  So then we only saw each other when she came home to visit her folks.  They are now deceased and we see each other when she comes into town for school reunions. The great thing is that we love and care about each other just as before.  Those summers forged a bond between us and a special friendship.  I have never known anyone quite like her.  She will always be remembered as my wonderful, amazing summer friend.

Be kind, for goodness sake. If we treat others with an attitude of goodwill and in good faith, we put positive energy into our world.  It is always possible to assume the best, not the worst, in dealings with others you do not know.  Even if you are wrong in your assessment, you will have tried and that’s important.

Sometimes, we make judgements based on appearance, but that can be deceiving.  Poverty and lack of resources often affect the way one dresses and even the way they behave.  This can cause a person to act defensively or inappropriately.  Passing judgement is not conducive to kindness.

If we take the time to talk to people who are different from us, we can show kindness just by treating them the way we would like to be treated.  Sometimes this means we have to step out of our comfort zone.  If our judgement is wrong, then at least we have tried.  Of course, there are times when talking to a stranger can be a dangerous thing to do.   We must use our best judgement at all times.  If it feels wrong, it usually is.  Be aware of your instincts and intuition.  They exist for good reasons.

There is ample evidence to support the fact that children are inclined to be helpful and altruistic.   Research by Dacher Keltner at the University of California finds that we are hard-wired to be kind.  And kindness can be taught.  That’s why Danish schools decided to introduce mandatory empathy classes in 1993, as a way to teach children aged 6-16 how to be kind. This may be why Denmark is consistently ranked highly as one of the happiest places to live.

Being kind has many benefits to the person exhibiting this behavior.  Choosing to be kind is something we can do for ourselves.  An article entitled “The Art of Kindness” by Steve Siegle L.P.C.,  posted in the Mayo Clinic Health System website states, “Physiologically, kindness can positively change your brain. Being kind boosts serotonin and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters in the brain that give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being, and cause the pleasure/reward centers in your brain to light up.”  To me that is more than enough reason to try to be kind.  We can “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”  Dalai Lama

In California, in the 80’s, my children attended a public school just blocks from our home.  It was a very diverse student body because in addition to the many different ethnicities in Southern California, a considerable portion of the children were from other countries.  This was due to the

fact that they were the children of the staff at the City of Hope.  This hospital attracted doctors and other medical professionals from many different places because it was on the cutting edge of research, into finding cures for cancer and other serious illnesses.  

I was not working and so I volunteered in my kids’ classroom.  I was developing a teaching program for children to teach sign language through positive attitudes songs I had written.  So I asked the teachers if I could do this program with the students.  They were thrilled to have me come and share this with their classes.

I started with only a few songs, as I was just beginning to build the repertoire of my newly formed venture.  One of the songs I taught was entitled “You and I Are in This Together.”  The words are:

You and I are in this together,

In this together, 

In this together. 

You and I are in this together,

So why can’t we be friends?

Yes, we can be friends.

Yes, we can be friends.

You and I are in this together.

So we can all be friends.

The second verse was about being nice and the third was being good.  So it was a very simple song to teach in kindergarten with my son’s class and in my daughter’s 2nd grade class.  And it was just the 2nd or 3rd song I had written so far.  But the kids responded very well and we performed these songs to the rest of the school later on, when I had written more songs and was teaching them in other classrooms as well.  The songs became progressively more advanced with additional vocabulary and complexity, but were still within the elementary school parameters.

I thoroughly enjoyed these opportunities to share these positive ideas to a diverse community, and hopefully inspire the students to get along with one another.  This simple message could be beneficial and perhaps encourage more friendships at a time when children were curious about each other.  Of course this was just a very small step toward the valuable relationships we would form throughout our lives.  In an equitable society, we can, and should, be concerned with opportunities being afforded to everybody.  We all need to be heard and considered without antagonism toward each other.  I believe that we all need to listen to each other respectfully and strive to find compromise.  And this is because you and I are in this together, whether we like it or not.

Getting along with one another is not just the act of tolerating other people.  It is both an action and an attitude.  If someone merely tolerates a person, that is only one step better than disliking him or her.  Dislike can turn into hatred if it is allowed to grow and flourish.  Getting along is more like agreeing to disagree.  I think that getting along means being open to the possibility of attaining a friendly relationship.  People don’t have to agree on everything, or anything really, as long as there is mutual respect for another person.

The success or failure of a business venture, an equally-valued membership in a community, or a friendship is not determined by how much we agree on everything.  While it is a true pleasure to be in sync with other like-minded persons, it is also beneficial for us to seek relationships with people who think differently.  Mutual respect is key for this to be successful.

There are reasons to avoid subjects that are not vital to some specific interaction if one knows that there is an extreme polarity in that subject.  Avoiding conflict is sometimes necessary if one wants to get along with others.  But, to me, forming some kind of relationship can happen if all parties are agreeable.

Ultimately, having a society that is healthy and robust, is dependent on having many different kinds of opinions that can be discussed openly and without judgement.  With specific ground rules, conversations with both sides of an argument clearly stated, should be possible.  In other words, people just need to be respectful of one another.

In times of division and polarization, the act of getting along is a profound challenge.  But, the quest of finding common ground and working toward compromise is necessary for a healthy, just, and diverse society.  And that’s what I believe to be the necessary art of getting along.