Be kind to yourself.  If you can’t be kind to yourself, you will not be able to be as kind to others.  Why?  It’s because we need a good self-image in order to be able to have the kind of attitude one needs to be kind to others.  It is akin to trying to teach a language that one doesn’t know how to speak.  Kindness to ourselves enables us to learn how to be kind to others because of the way we feel when it is given to us.  How can we do things well, if we don’t know how it feels to be the recipient of these gifts.  For indeed kindness is a gift.

Kindness should be one of those things that is so ubiquitous that we can’t help being affected by it in our daily lives.  It should be a way of living.  We should be born into it.  Sadly, this is not, nor has it ever been that way.  Conflicts, instead of being a chance to solve problems together for the common good, are battlegrounds for dominance, not cooperation or care for one another. 

If kindness to self was a dominant characteristic of people, we all would naturally cooperate to solve problems.  But it starts within each person.  If one has not had kindness bestowed on oneself at an early age, it becomes more difficult as a person grows up.

No matter how one approaches this issue, one thing is very clear.  Not being kind to oneself makes it much harder to give it to others.  The extent to which a person has self-love determines the extent to which one can give.  We can give of ourselves to a higher level of kindness when we are not hampered by self-deprecation.  It stands to reason that this would be so.  One can not give something one does not have.

So, in being kind to ourselves first, we are able to give it more freely and know exactly what it is that we are giving.  Experience in doing this makes it easier to be keenly aware of what that means.  It makes me think of the instructions one receives every time one gets in an airplane.  If there is an emergency, a person must first save themselves first before they can help others to do so.  Therefore, be kind to yourself.  It’s the best way to be kind to others.  And it is always a good thing to be kind.

When times are tough, be grateful, for gratitude has the power to affect your attitude in an amazing, positive way.  When we frame our lives around what isn’t going well, we are creating a mindset that worsens our difficult situation.  I know that this has been true for me.  However, if we concentrate on the good things in our lives, it can diminish the anxiety we feel when things aren’t going right.

I read once, a long time ago, that a person cannot hold two opposite attitudes at the same time in one’s mind.  One of them will be dominant and will cancel out the other one.  I wanted to know if this could be true.  So I tried an experiment.  When problems weighed heavily on me, I tried to find the good things that were already present in my life. I easily found them when I let go of the negative.  By concentrating on the positive, I found that my attitude affected a change in my focus, therefore allowing my mind  to concentrate on what was most important.  There is always something to be grateful for, if one looks for it.

When my son died suddenly in a car accident, it was very difficult to hold positive thoughts in my mind because the loss was so devastating.  But when I concentrated on the close, loving relationship we had shared, I found so many things for which I was grateful.  All of the wonderful experiences we had shared, flooded my mind with memories that sustained me in my darkest moments.  No one could take that away from me.  And no one can control your attitude but you.  The only way another person can control you is if you allow it to happen.  So, when times are tough, be grateful.  You have nothing to lose by doing this.  Isn’t it worth a try?

Deep, abiding love requires sacrifice.  One has to be ready to sacrifice to truly love another person.  If a person isn’t at least willing to put oneself in another person’s shoes, that reveals the inability to truly begin to care about them.  When push comes to shove, a person can rise to the occasion and truly understand the role of sacrifice in a close relationship.  There is always a turning point, at which a person will understand what is required.  That is when it becomes clear.  That is when a person can realize how deeply their feelings go or don’t go.

Now, there are many levels of intimacy in any relationship.  The kinds of love vary from 3 to 12 depending on the source of this information.  There are 5 love languages according to many sources.  Love, in its amazing complexity, has different degrees of influence over our individual lives.  But the most important place that we can experience the need for sacrifice is in our families and with the friends with whom we share intimacy.

Some sacrifices can seem unimportant or trivial, but they can mean more than one might think.  Helping a stranger, paying it forward, giving to organizations that help other people, are all ways of making small sacrifices that show love for our fellow woman or man.  Sacrificing time, money or things for others is significant.  It makes our world a kinder place and kindness is a way of showing love.

Meaningful relationships have always held an important place in my heart.  And I believe that when we are willing to make appropriate sacrifices in each of those relationships, the value of those connections grows exponentially.  To me, relationships are everything.  And every time I have the opportunity to make some small sacrifice for another person, it enriches my life.  If one has never had the experience of this action or had someone make a sacrifice for oneself, this may be hard to understand.  But the fact remains that love requires sacrifice.

I have always believed in the power of prayer.  Prayer can take many forms, but it is always a positive action.  Many years ago, I started praying while I did my exercise in the morning.  I would get up early (4am) and change into exercise clothes and jog on a trampoline or speed-walk and say my prayers.  The rhythm of my exercise and the inner energy of my prayer combined to create a unique, powerful experience.  Starting my day in this way was exhilarating.  It was a source of physical,  mental and spiritual joy.  Afterwards, I would shower, dress and then have breakfast with my husband before going to work.  I was awake, refreshed and ready to go.

I am sorry to say, I haven’t done this in the same way for a while now.  First, it was foot surgery that interrupted it, and then when I returned to it, I was not as energetic.  Now I am retired, and when I walk I am not able to do it in the same way due to arthritis in my knees.  But I still pray and walk as much as I can.  When I can, I exercise, but I always pray.

Any physical movement can help the prayer to have positive energy.  The whole idea is that you are using your mind and heart and body at the same time.  It is impossible for these combined actions to be unsuccessful.  It’s the positive intention that drives the energy.  It is a holistic experience.  And it is a positive force.

Whenever I can, I try to do as much exercise as I can when I pray.  I also pray at other times, but I miss the positive energy of the combined action of them together.  Positive energy through prayer and exercise is a wonderful way to start any day.  I highly recommend it.

Whenever one faces a problem, it can be very useful to think 3-D.  First, it is important to deliberate or engage in long and careful consideration of the options one has in front of him/her.  Then, having pondered all of the possible solutions, a person can decide on the best answer to the dilemma.  Finally, after those two steps are completed, one can do what’s needed to solve the problem.

In many cases, when trying to deal with an issue of any kind, one can be in a quandary about some aspects of the predicament in which a person finds oneself.  The most important thing to do is to think of as many possibilities as one can.  I find that brainstorming with another person or persons can open one’s mind to many things from another person’s perspective or point of view.  When we use our resources to find other people with a different set of experiences, we can discover answers we would never have come up with on our own.

Decisions come more easily when we can examine as many answers as possible. Deliberation is key to problem-solving.  That is the most important aspect of the 3-Ds. The other two steps flow naturally after there is a bank of solutions to consider. 

If you are a person who enjoys solving problems, you probably know a lot more than I do about problem-solving.  But I find that any skill requires practice and as much collaboration as one can find.  I love working with people who know more than I do in any discipline.  That’s how we learn.  And the more one learns, the more answers can be found for the problem at hand.  Finally, the last step is just to do what one has decided. In all things, cooperative collaboration can make 3-D thinking as easy as 1,2,3.