To me, one of the worst things that can happen to a friendship is feeling that there is something that needs to be said, but isn’t.  Even when everything looks fine on the outside, it can hang over each person and not be resolved.  That’s because it is still there, in the room with them, even when nothing seems wrong to other people.  The unspoken words live in our minds and amends or clarifications cannot be made if they remain there.

This happened to me.  One time, when I was upset about something I just couldn’t express it at the time.  I was afraid that I would cry and make a spectacle of myself.  So I remained silent, and the unspoken words became an obstacle for me.  The longer they were unspoken, the more difficult it became.

Finally, after a considerable amount of time had passed, my friend showed up for me when I needed her most.  Then, I could bear it no longer and the words poured out of me like a waterfall.  The tears I had kept inside of myself were released and I felt the burden being lifted from my shoulders.  My friend was not even aware of the weight I had carried.  She had understood my feelings all along, never realizing that I had carried this distress within myself.  The tears restored me and allowed me to forgive myself and move forward.

Now there are some words that should be left unspoken.  When hurtful or judgemental thoughts enter our minds, we need to hold back from saying things that we will regret.  Usually, it is our emotions that cause those words to appear.  Negative emotions must be examined before such words are expressed.

I have learned these lessons by experiencing them.  I thought expressing them to you would do me some good and it has.  Maybe my experience will be of interest to others.  Thanks for reading my thoughts. For that, I am truly grateful.

Winston Churchill stated:  “You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give.”  I never expected that quote to come from him. Regardless of that, the words resonated with me.  I can’t recall who said something about making a life when I was a young person, but I remember thinking that it had to do with making a family.  I think that is a lovely image of making a life.

Making a life by what you give can mean many things.  We can give time to others, do good works for others, pray for others, give support to others.  The ways of giving are endless.

So, where does one begin?  I suppose the question must  be answered by each individual.  What makes a life for you?  Whatever the answer, it is determined by the beliefs, attitudes and mores of each person and how one sees their role in their personal lives and in society.

But for me, giving is essentially an act of love in all of its many forms.  It starts inside a person and is at least partially determined by the way your life began.  The way we are treated in the beginning of our lives colors the way we think and view the world around us.

I often think about my grandparents coming to this country just after the turn of the century.  If my grandparents had not emigrated to America, I would never have been born.  My grandparents came from different countries to make a better life for their children.  And because of that, my parents met and made a life together.  I am eternally grateful for the life I was given, the life my parents made for me.  In the end, life is what you make it.

Do you ever think about the vocabulary you use on a regular basis?  Do you like learning new words?  I do.  When I was working in a high school and occasionally had a little free time I would get on a computer and play on Free Rice.  This is a website for learning that quizzes you on certain topics.  For every correct answer, you earn grains of rice.  The rice would go to countries in need of food.

So I would get on this site and choose the quizzes on word meanings.  It was multiple choice, but still taught you a definition you might not know.  If you got the answer wrong, that particular word would reappear until you got it right.  And it did help me learn new vocabulary.  Some of the words I learned are etched in my memory.  But now, as I get older, my memory has suffered.  So I think I may begin to play it again.

One of the words I learned was pulchritude.  It means beauty, even though it sure doesn’t sound that way to me.  I really enjoyed this game because I love words and I liked the idea of earning rice.

To me, vocabulary is important.  The words we choose to use in daily conversation don’t need to be fancy or unusual.  But words need to be chosen carefully to convey our feelings.  They should never be a way of showing off.  That is not what I mean at all.  But the words we use should indicate our intention in a way that our friends or strangers, or even an audience if one is speaking to a group, can fully understand.

When I hear young people using profanity, carelessly and casually in public, I always think of the fact that their vocabulary is sorely lacking.

One should try to have a wide range of words to use with different groups, as to be respectful of the age of that person.  Using vocabulary for the very young, the elderly, the highly educated and people learning English as a second language are all examples to be considered.  There are many others, I’m sure.  In my opinion, the words we use are important and should not be used indiscriminately.  It’s one way to respect each individual in our dealings with others.  And respect is a very important consideration in the communications with our fellow human beings.

I have found that there are reasons that pain can actually be a blessing.  Sometimes, it is in disguise.  That is when the passage of time has shown the good that happened as a result of the pain.  At other times, pain is the only indicator of something being wrong.  Or the source of that pain may only be understood after the fact.  But there it was, to warn of impending peril.

Pain is essentially a warning.  How we interpret it determines our initial reaction, but only time will tell whether we were right or wrong in our judgment.  Pain comes to us for a reason.  It tells us something.  Sometimes it is the only way a person can find out what is physically wrong.  Whether we understood the message or not, it becomes clear in the end.    

When a person tries to understand the reason for physical or emotional pain in one’s own life, we may need help to see any good coming from it.  But usually, in time, if one is willing, an answer can be found.

Now this is not to say that all pain necessarily has something good or helpful attached to it.  On the contrary, pain caused by hate or discrimination is never right or good.  Whether physical or emotional, pain that is caused by another person’s antipathy is heinous.  Hatred can never be condoned.

A helpful result that can come from pain is what it teaches us.  When we experience it in any way, it can be good to reflect on what we have learned from the experience.

Perhaps one can think of each pain that comes to us as a puzzle to be solved.  But remembering that it is possible for pain to be a blessing, can help us through some difficult times in our lives.  And that is a good thing to remember.

There are reasons not to walk out of a conversation that involves conflict.  Most often, it doesn’t solve anything.  There are occasions when walking out makes sense.  But that is usually only helpful when the parties involved are too emotional or when one party fears the other person’s physical reactions.

Avoiding a difficult situation, especially when it involves family, can take on a life of its own.  This can be true with close friends as well.  If necessary, professional help may be needed to guide a conversation.  That is why marriage counseling can be beneficial.  Having a good therapist can direct the parties in a way that encourages positive dialogue.  This is especially true when hurt feelings are involved.  We are often afraid that we will be judged by the other party.  That makes it doubly hard to talk without a mediator.

I guess the main consideration in this dilemma is just how important is the relationship with that particular person in your life.  Is it a business associate that you must deal with on a daily basis?  Or is it someone you only have to deal with infrequently?  

Of course, our relationships with families and close friends obviously  concern us the most.  It is most important to evaluate these situations with utmost care.  But the main thing is that talking it out with the people closest to us, must be carefully considered.  In work situations, if things are seriously not going well, maybe walking out is the best option.  But no matter what, each person must decide whether walking out is a good idea.  After all, relationships with the people in our lives are determined by the decisions we make: whether to work things out in conflicts, or relinquish the relationships that cause us grief or are bad for our mental health.  Sometimes walking out is the best decision.  But, not always.