Have you ever had someone say, “relax” to you when you were upset?  Did it relax you?  Or did it make you feel mad?  Did you think it was totally inappropriate that a person felt it was okay to tell you what to do or how to feel?  All I know is that, for me, it is not helpful or appreciated. When a person is upset, the last thing that person needs is for someone to tell them what to do or especially how to feel.  It is never a good idea for one to think that they need to give another person advice unless that person asks for it.

Advice always needs to be asked for, not given unsolicited, especially without regard to a person’s feelings.  In fact, it is worse than unhelpful.  It is insulting and condescending.  The exception to this is when your doctor, nurse, therapist or other professional tells you this because it is necessary for treatment.  When a dear friend or family member says this, it can be a loving gesture.  And yet another exception can be when a bystander tries to help you calm down before an emergency team can get there.  In any of these situations, the way to approach another person must be respectful. 

The most important consideration in using this word is the intention or attitude of the one saying it.  When the person saying it has the inflection of a condescending attitude, then the meaning implies that someone  thinks there is a need to correct or admonish another person.  

Another, perhaps more insulting thing to say to another person who is experiencing distress, is “calm down.”  In fact, there are loads of articles written about this.  Just “Google it”  and you will see what I mean.

The most important thing to remember when someone is in distress and you want to help, is just to sit down and “be with them.”  This requires caring for and having empathy with another person.  If one does not have these skills, it is better not to engage in the situation.

At any time where there has been trauma of any kind, one must ask oneself  the question, “What kind of words would I like to hear when in such distress?”  I very much doubt that “relax,” or “calm down” would come to mind.  Enough said.

If one can find connections in life, it makes it possible to learn something new.  If one has a relationship with another person or persons: a spouse, a sibling, our parents, children, another relative, a friendship, a business contact, someone who shares an interest or pursuit, etc., so many opportunities become available to all parties.

Some kind of human connection is necessary for almost anything one may attempt to do.  The vital ingredient that can create a successful venture is a relationship with a person who has similar interests or abilities.  Collaboration opens up a myriad of ideas, approaches, possibly shared experiences and many other thoughts and objects for further examination.

The human connection is essential.  I am fond of saying that if we didn’t need each other, there would only be one of us here.  At least, that has always been my take on life.  People need each other to procreate and that is definitely necessary!  And we need each other for too many reasons to state or even count.

The more we engage with each other, the richer our lives become.  I need and value the connections I have with other people.  We all benefit if we have personal relationships in the endeavors we pursue.  And there is nothing that can replace our need for each other.  “No man (or woman) is an island.”  

I relish the human connections I have in my life.  In fact, I can survive, but cannot thrive without other people in my life.  Good, healthy relationships are the glue that holds our collective world together.

In my experience, regardless of whether one is an introvert or extrovert, we need each other.  In fact, introverts and extroverts each have something to share with one another that can enrich each other’s lives.  In partnership with others we can find more possibilities and more answers to our problems.  Communications and relationships open our lives.  All of my observations in life have led me to revel in the human connection we all share in this life. This is a major endeavor for any of us.  But it is a worthy goal if one wants to create a meaningful life.

It seems that the shelf-life of embarrassing moments can extend to one’s natural death or one’s complete loss of memory.  Depending upon one’s longevity and the condition of a person’s memory, even something quite small can pop into one’s mind and cause distress.  This is due to the fact that embarrassment can carry a range and variety of actions in response to so many things.

There are physical reactions and emotional reactions that can attach themselves to different kinds of embarrassment.  One can be attacked verbally in a social situation and the reaction can be devastating.  With a combination of shock manifesting itself internally accompanied by blushing or other external signs of discomfort, the incident can become a memory that thwarts a person’s ability to interact with certain groups of people.  Sensitive people are particularly prone to this type of embarrassment.

On the other hand, there are situations in which embarrassment can be viewed differently.  According to an article by Insight Therapy,  embarrassment can be a good thing.  A study in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that feelings of embarrassment are often signs that a person is genuine and trustworthy.  So a person can choose to see their embarrassment in a different way.  I am sure that this is easier said than done.

In my own experiences of embarrassing moments, the ones that affected me most negatively were in my childhood.  It was obvious to most people that I was an easy mark for someone to be mean.  And the payoff was always swift and glaringly obvious to the perpetrators.

I learned to stay away from that kind of person.  Now I realize how sad it was that anyone could find enjoyment from a child’s embarrassment.

Luckily for me, my memory is fading as I grow older.  And I am no longer susceptible to embarrassment in the same way.  I still can be embarrassed, but it has no hold on me.  That is not to say that I don’t feel the embarrassment, but that I see it for what it is.  Now I laugh at my foibles, and it feels good.

Some of the things we carry with us throughout our lives are childhood memories.  And these memories can be wonderful, funny, tragic, embarrassing, and so many other things.  But one thing stands out in common with all of them.  There is a specific, unique feeling attached to each one.  Now the feelings can range in importance, from silly to serious.  These memories can be so significant as to become an emotional trigger caused by a traumatic event.  Or, they can simply be a stray thought that crosses one’s mind and causes one to think of something that happened a long time ago.  

For me, most of my memories are of a happy childhood and a wonderful family.  However, I have a memory of an adult relative that was very important to me, offhandedly saying, “You just can’t trust anybody anymore.”  Now she didn’t really mean that literally.  She was just expressing frustration over something that had happened.  But I remember thinking that I should be wary of everyone.  “Who could I trust?”  I never spoke to my parents about it, but it scared me.  I guess that’s why I still remember it.  It’s so important to realize that children often overhear the conversations of adults.  Adults need to be aware of what they say around children.

There are so many kinds of memories that we carry throughout childhood into our adult life.  My own memories are full of the adventures I had with my friends.  These can bring a smile to my face everytime I recall one.

But it’s the traumatic ones that sometimes can follow a person through their adult life.  These memories can plague one’s entire life if they are not resolved.  Through counseling, and /or support groups, help can be provided by competent professionals.

The memories we have as children can teach us valuable lessons.  They can elicit joy or sorrow in an instant.  As adults, we can be the reason a child has good memories.  In that way, a person can provide a healthy, optimistic outlook and make a valuable contribution to the life of a child.  And even if it fails to make a wonderful memory, it is still a very worthy pursuit in our complicated society.  Children are the future, and adults, if they do their part, by making good memories with them can enrich the lives of us all.    

What does money mean to you?  Do you think of it only as a necessity, which it is of course?  In other words do you think of it just as what you need to pay the bills?  Or is it something you save for buying things other than necessities?  Does it define your status?  These examples are some of the ways that people often use to determine their self-worth.

Now, one can say that it doesn’t matter.  Others may think it is all that matters.  Of course it matters whether one is able to provide for oneself and/or one’s family.  But inability to provide can be the result of unforeseen circumstances or many other things.  But beyond that, how does a person evaluate themselves with regard to how much money is necessary to have a decent life.

In my opinion, money can be a way of categorizing the value of others in the eyes of those who are in powerful positions.  That attitude can be mean-spirited and/or disrespectful. If one is being considered for qualification involving a loan, perhaps that is a different story.  But in my opinion, respect for others should not be determined by monetary wealth.  The content of a person’s character is important in many more ways than how much money a person has in their possession.  Possession of dollars and things alone cannot be the true determination of who a person is and what they stand for in society.  People do not necessarily receive what they deserve in this life.  One can honestly say that life is not fair.  

So, the question, “What does money mean to you?” is a good way to see your attitude and evaluate yourself in terms of what is essentially important to you.  You are the only one that can honestly do that.  And then, you can finish the sentence, “Money is …”