I learned something new about the word “compassion.”  I have already written about sympathy and empathy and the differences between them.  However, I thought that empathy and compassion were pretty much the same thing.  They aren’t, with a very distinct difference.  While empathetic people “feel” the distress and pain of others and share the experience by “being there,” compassion is a feeling of wanting to share the suffering of that person, with the addition of wanting to do something to alleviate the pain of that person.  All three of these emotional responses are signs of caring, but they serve to help another person differently.

To me, sympathy is the least helpful to a person in distress.  This is because it is actually just feeling sorry for another person.  That can sometimes make things worse, depending on the person one is trying to comfort.  Compassion, while having the attribute of being there with the other person and sharing their suffering, there is the desire to do something to try and make things better. The person who is distressed may not be ready for that kind of help.  That’s because sometimes, people need to fully experience the pain of their situation in order to get through it.  After that  happens, solutions can be found.

Of course, each of us is different in our response to a tragedy in our lives.  And so are our needs at any moment.  Recently, I read something that can be very helpful to do when one wants to help a person who is grieving.  Instead of saying, “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” just do something for that person that is very practical.  This includes bringing food, which many people already do in the case of losing a loved one.  Walking the dog or mowing the lawn, just takes a task away from the endless list of daily activities that need to be done.  And don’t be offended if it isn’t what they want or need.  Be flexible.  It’s not about us in those situations.  These aren’t my ideas.  But I think that they are good ones. 

When a tragedy occurs, whether one tries to be sympathetic, empathetic or compassionate, the important thing is caring, which is at the heart of these attitudes.  Caring is the most important thing.  If we want to be good human beings, that’s always what it takes.  

What do you think living in grace means?  To me, it is seeking to have gratitude for our daily life, complete with all the challenges we face as well as the blessings.  Logically, we all have thought patterns, whether we are aware of them or not.  Seeking and finding the blessings that are always present makes gratitude an easy goal.  Our mindset has everything to do with how we feel about things.  We always have a choice, whether or not we are in the mental state to recognize it.

The best way to find gratitude is to look for it.  Appreciate the good things, the good feelings we have, the myriad of possibilities that are always there if we look for them.  I recently watched a short video outlining ways to be happier.  Happiness comes from accepting the graces that are always available if one chooses to view life through that lens.  One way of remembering these graces is to write them down.  Seeing these written on paper can serve as a reminder when a bad mood gets in the way of our seeing them.

Additionally, choosing to savor these good feelings and appreciate them as graces in our lives is a chance to grow in gratitude.  When we realize that in every minute there is the opportunity to think positively, we open up the possibility of seeing through a positive lens.What we choose to see in any situation, is totally up to each of us. No one else has the ability to influence your opinion, unless you allow it to happen.

I have experienced making good decisions and making many unhelpful ones in my life.  I think most of us can recognise these behaviors in ourselves.  It never serves a good purpose to be negative about anything.  In fact, a negative attitude prevents us from seeing the positive.  What we believe affects every thought and every feeling.  Beliefs are powerful.

Now, after having written this all down, I may be able to remember to do these things more often.  Maybe not, but I am going to try hard to do much better.  That’s really all anyone of us can do.  And the payoff may even encourage a good habit to form.  At the very least, attempting to see the positive in any situation is bound to affect us better than seeing things negatively.  Living in grace is a very worthy goal.

I think that most people experience the effects of negative thinking at some point in their lives.  I know that I have felt that way more times than I’d like to admit.  But life, being unpredictable, can throw us into situations that challenge our ability to think clearly, let alone think positively. 

There are always going to be such challenges, but the way we react and what we do after this type of situation presents itself, ultimately will affect our decision-making, either positively or negatively.  How we react is always up to each of us.

All I really know about this is based on my own experiences.  We may think we know how another person feels, but we can only guess.  Unless another person chooses to share their situation, feelings and what happened, I don’t believe it’s anyone else’s business.  

But, if a person decides to trust you with their pain, it is my belief that just being there is the most positive thing one can do.  It is truly an honor for someone to trust you in such a situation.  Listening, without judgment, is a priceless gift that one person can give to another person.

In my daily life, I am usually an optimistic person.  But sometimes I just seem to wake up with a negative disposition.  And even though I recognize when this is happening, it can be very difficult to deal with those feelings. And often, in this situation,  I fail to rise to the occasion.  This probably happens to most of us at one time or another.  But I will never understand why we do these things to ourselves.  One positive thing that any person can do is to come up with a retort to say to oneself when your negative mind talks to you.  It’s a good idea, but I haven’t been able to do it for myself very much.  I need to follow through with this.  Lately,I have been thinking about it, and I have decided that I am going to start writing down encouraging responses to say to myself when I begin to feel this way.  If nothing else, it is a positive thing to do now, even if it doesn’t work later.  Who knows?  It just might help me in the future.  It never hurts to try.  And it might even work.  How’s that for positive thinking?

There is a main reason that I love Facebook.  I love to communicate with friends, family and everyone for that matter.  I believe that communication is essential for human connection.  And I love to know what makes people tick.  I am all about connecting to people especially by face-to-face communication. But, since that is limited due to the amount of time it takes, committing to writing (typing) on paper to share ideas is less personal but conducive to learning about other people and their reaction to posts on this medium.

It saved me from feeling depressed during Covid.  This is because as long as I was able to communicate with people, I was okay.  Take too much of that away, and I shrivel up and part of me dies.

I love to find out what reactions people have to my posts, especially my writing.  Communication seems to be my dominant goal in life.  This connection helps us understand each other.  And that’s how we learn to get along with people who are different from ourselves.  Understanding others is key to a peaceful world.  We need it more and more as our world is ever changing.   

Facebook is a limited medium at best, but it is free and therefore accessible to anyone on the internet.  Because of that, I learn about others and that is so important, because it can be used by everyone.  (Even if a person does not have a computer or other applicable device, libraries have them free for people to use.)  

I spend time in solitude because it centers me and helps me to connect with myself.  And I pray, because it gives me peace and hopefully helps me become a better person.  But I also have a need to communicate with people and try to use every avenue that is available to me. 

I know I am in need of attention, maybe too much.  But I truly believe that we all need attention and we especially need to be attentive to others.

Facebook is, at best, a tool that can be used constructively.  And, when used constructively, it can make people laugh and learn.  It can be whatever you choose to post or follow.  It’s just a tool.  But for me, it is a connection.  And that is why I love it!

I think that I was very fortunate to have grown up in the 50’s. The main reason I was so blessed is that I was born at a time when life was simpler and I had everything I needed and some of what I wanted. These things affected my life in significant ways.  Also, the economy was decent and improving.

I am a baby boomer and that says it all, doesn’t it?  We were in the midst of positive economic changes after WWII and the world seemed safer then.  I know it seemed that way to me.  For example, when I was 12 or 13, I was allowed to go out with a friend when it was about to get dark outside and get a sundae at a local soda shop known for their ice cream.  We weren’t afraid of the dark.  We actually felt safe.

I just remember it being an optimistic time.  I was sheltered in many  ways and saw the world in a positive light.  In the middle to late 60’s the world was dramatically different.  But I grew up in the 50’s, in a happy, nuclear family with a positive outlook on life.  I grew up safe and loved.  My life was a charmed existence. 

Now, my childhood friends and I get together,and we share our memories of grade school in the 50’s.  We laugh and talk and have a wonderful time together.  Things weren’t perfect then, but it was not  complicated compared to today.  

When I look around and see how it is for kids growing up now, I wish that they could have the experiences of my childhood.  I lived in a very different world than the one they live in now.  I don’t see the optimism we had.  I wish things were different, and much better than they are now.  Probably the main reason for this difference is that things have become more significant in our children’s daily life.  Computers and cell phones have diminished face-to-face interaction to the point that social websites and texting have replaced talking to each other much of the time. 

The friendships of my life have been full of shared experiences that have become life-long memories for me and my old friends.  And I tend to demand (nicely, of course) that kind of sharing with younger people.  (For example, having a meal together and talking face-to-face.)  I am always asking my friends to go out to lunch at places where we can sit for a long time and just talk without being asked to leave.  It’s important to have these interactions with others.  That is how we get to know each other.

I hope and pray that it becomes more important and common to see young people taking up some of these habits that enrich their lives as they have mine.  Remembering times with others is easy to do if you have regular, in-person interactions with family and friends.  They tend to add up.  I doubt that good memories and deep friendships are formed by primarily using a phone or a computer to communicate.

All in all, growing up in the 50’s was a good time to grow up.  As an older adult, I think my generation needs to do our part by modeling face-to-face communication for them and with them.  One way of doing this might be getting them to do something with you, and share your stories of growing up in the 50’s.