Category Archives: Loving

Making a Difference

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I have always believed that we are all here for a reason. I am fond of saying that if we didn’t need other people, there would only be one of us here.  The goal of life is to find the reason, indeed, the purpose for which each of us was conceived in the first place.  If a person does that, then I feel that one can make a positive difference in this world.

The challenge is in finding, and doing something that is the best use of one’s talents for the good of society.  It doesn’t have to be anything big, but it must be sincere to really make a positive contribution.  It is a servant mentality, an agape form of love, that finds and fulfills this purpose.

I remember a time when I was trying to find a volunteer opportunity in the community.  I saw an article in the paper about a woman who did so much positive work in our area, that I decided to call her.  I asked if we could meet for lunch.  She agreed and I began by talking about the newspaper article and how I admired the things she was doing.  I told her about some of my abilities.  I was looking for ways to do work in the community.  She simply said, “You want to make a difference.”  Bingo.  That was it.

It was then that I realized an extremely important concept.  Making a difference is a way of being in the outside world.  It is always satisfying in any capacity that one might find oneself. It means that if one has the attitude to be a positive force in this world, the way in which one does it is inconsequential.  

As my life progressed, I understood this simple precept much more fully.  I tried to take jobs that would lend themselves to  service in some way.  I wasn’t always able to find a job that used my abilities fully, but in each position, I tried to incorporate my talents.

Since I am a performer at heart, I wanted to “perform” my duties even in the jobs that didn’t include the things I do best.  I found that it didn’t matter, because the most important thing was the intention behind each task I was assigned to do.  It is the desire to make a difference that matters.  The job we are doing is merely the means with which we serve our fellow human beings.  

So, I have come to this conclusion.  Wherever human beings are placed in any time or situation, whether at work or play, making a difference is possible in every day that is lived.  We may as well make the most of it.  After all, today is the only day we have.  Let’s make a difference.

Finding One’s Soulmate

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I am honored and delighted, looking forward to witnessing the marriage of my niece soon.  It causes me to reminisce about my own life’s journey.  I remember how not-looking-for Mister Right, made me run right into him.  Sometimes, the best way to find something is to stop looking for it.  I wasn’t looking for it in the first place, but found it just the same.  

Maybe that’s why we call that person, with whom we want to share every aspect of this life, a soulmate.  The soul works from a much higher consciousness than we ever can with our human brains.  Spirit enters through the heart instead.  It’s a saving grace that can keep us from thinking too much.

Somehow, when it happens, we just “know” it is the right person.  Not every person will find their soulmate in marriage.   Not everyone wants to do so.  Some of us, may prefer to go it alone, or choose another path.   But for those who do find one, life is shared, for better and for worse.  This is because once the deep connection is made, it may be damaged, but it can be healed if both parties can forgive.

While one can only have one soulmate in a marriage, we may have other people with whom we share intimate bonds, a soulmate of a different kind.  These are the treasured friends with whom we share deep convictions.  They are lifelong friends with which one never loses touch , even when they may not have been “in contact” with them for long periods of time.  These are the people we are able to continue a conversation with even after years may have passed.  This is a relationship that just picks up where it left off.

Regardless of the circumstances, soulmates are gifts beyond measure.  Truly, if one is fortunate enough to find a soulmate(s), life has more meaning and satisfaction.  We all deserve this.  May we all have the opportunity to share ourselves in this way.  For this, I pray.  Amen.

 

On Being Loyal

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What does being loyal mean to you?  Loyalty can be given to people, places, ideologies and causes.  We can be loyal out of a feeling of duty or as a product of our character.  We may have been taught, as a child, to be loyal to family at all costs.  One should be loyal to one’s spouse, but is there a time when loyalty must be broken?  

If one is taught to be loyal to people who profess hate, then what?  There are so many ways to think about being loyal.  According to Merriam-Webster, loyalty implies a faithfulness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert, or betray.

So, I ask myself, “What am I loyal to, in my life?”  The answer for me, has to do with family and friends, truth and good character.  But the most important answer to that question is to another question.  Am I loyal to loving my God, and loving my neighbor as myself?  If I use this as a yardstick to measure my loyalty, I feel that I am on the right track.

Next, I must ask, “What is not deserving of my loyalty?” Again, questions must be answered.“Does this person, place or whatever is being considered for my loyalty, give me a feeling of positive self-worth or do I feel manipulated?”  “What is the reason for this loyalty?” “What is this loyalty asking of me?”

If the answers to these questions agree with my values and convictions, then yes, I may decide to be loyal to that particular person, cause or whatever.  What it boils down to, is this.  Am I able to say that I am proud to be loyal to this?  If so I will want be a part of it.

I am loyal to my husband because we have loyalty to each other exclusively.  I am loyal to my God who is the source of life and love.  I am loyal to my family and friends.  All other loyalties must be judged by how they fit into my values, or they have no meaning to me.  In all things, consider whether loyalty to anything is life-giving and kind.  If the answer is yes, it is probably worth your loyalty.  Each one of us must decide for ourselves.  What is deserving of your loyalty?

Love and Marriage (written October 6, 2017)

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Well, today is my 44th Wedding Anniversary, so I thought I’d write about this experiment that some of us choose to endeavor.  I say “experiment” because when a person undertakes the prospect of living with someone for the rest of his or her life, there is no way of knowing what the future will be, and yet, you promise to go through it all with this person.

As for me, I remember having a plan for my life.  I was going to have a career first, then after I was established, in my mid 30’s, I’d marry and have a family.  I was young then, and didn’t know anything about how all that would work out.  It was just a scenario I had played in my mind and it seemed reasonable.  Little did I know about how unlikely it would be to find someone I wanted to date, let alone, marry, if I started looking in my mid 30’s.

But then, I fell in love with my best friend.  Soon, it was clear that my plan had changed.  And so, we married.  We were young, in love and happy.  We had children, a girl and a boy.  They were happy and healthy.  We were so blessed.   

We still are.  And yet, we have had hard times.  We have struggled.  I often think of the times when money was tight. Life was tough, but we were still happy.  We were in it together and together we made it work.  Those were the days we found out what we were made of.  Those are some of my fondest memories.

Time passed and challenges came and went.  We got through them with various degrees of pain and suffering.  Our fathers died.  We grieved them terribly.  Our first grandchild was born and we were there to witness it.  Unbelievable joy and wonder filled our souls.  Our son died. Horrible grief gripped us and clouded our joy.  It was the hardest thing we had to face and suffer.  We survived, but not unscathed.  We eventually healed.  And we grew.

And so, we continue to live this life with which we have been blessed.  Now we have 3 grandchildren.  And life goes on.  And we go through it all . . . together.

 

Do Unto Others (The Golden Rule)

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Anyone who has ever had any religious training or even had a lesson on how one should deal with others, surely has heard, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Maybe the message was, “Treat other people the way you want to be treated.”   Whatever the actual words, the meaning was clear.  Be nice.  Be fair.  Be decent.

It seems to me that with the current political climate, the animosity toward people not like ourselves, the inability of people to put themselves in other people’s shoes, the denial of people to take responsibility for their actions and other problems we face in today’s world, we are forgetting this simple, basic precept.  Why is it so difficult do unto others reciprocally?

One person never has all the answers.  Cooperation requires us to see things through another person’s lens.  Indeed, this is the truest path toward a lasting peace.  So why don’t we do this out of self-interest?  Isn’t it better to live in harmony than to be at odds with others?

Some of the best moments in life are when people are bound together for a common goal that benefits everyone.  How can any person have faith in mankind if others have not considered them as important as anyone else?  Every person has value and deserves to be considered.  If one grows up without being valued, that person cannot be a part of the conversation.  When this happens, there is a break in trust that can foster deep unrest.  We unwittingly create bullies by doing this.  This affects everyone negatively.  It is in everyone’s interest to care about each other.  Do unto others.  

When I ignore the plight of other people’s tragedies, I become part of the problem that plagues our world.  The humane reaction to disaster or catastrophe is not to say, “It’s not my problem.” The answer that brings peace is, “What can I do to help?”  As simplistic as it may sound, just looking at things through a lens of love and understanding toward humanity could shift our collective minds to a compassionate mode of thinking.  The world can change when we change our minds.  Do unto others.