Category Archives: Getting older

Getting Older/Passages

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I have always been aware of the different stages of my life. Oddly enough, I never wished to be older or younger as I was growing up. But now, as I am aging, I realize the time that I will be here, has significantly diminished, and I still have so much I want to do. No matter how I add it up, even if I live to be 100, two thirds of my life span is gone.

Let’s see, doing the math now, I figure that if I indeed live to be one hundred, I have thirty-four years left. Thirty-four years! That’s all. Now if you are young, I know that seems like a lot of time. But for those of us over 65, we know that it most certainly is not!

Looking back, I can remember so many parts of my life with incredible clarity. And there are many moments that I can recall so vividly that they seem like only yesterday. Some of my memories are so clear that I can remember dialogue, like favorite memorized movie scenes. Being an older person gives one the opportunity to have a sense of gratitude for for those experiences.

I have always loved older people. I have relished every story of the past that they recounted to me when I was a child. I find myself telling stories to my grandchildren and it is as surprising an experience as it is familiar. Life is funny that way.

My longevity is dubious, as my father died suddenly in his early sixties, while my mother has just passed ninety. That makes me realize now, more than ever, the preciousness of every moment. I have always tried to be mindful of this blessing, but at times I am not as thankful as I feel I should be.

So, now what? I guess I will have to be more in the moment than ever before. Getting older is not a questionable thing. If you are breathing, it is happening.

There are passages which we go through and I am going through the final ones. I have a lot on my calendar these days. And most of the appointments I make are with myself. I am making decisions about what I still want to accomplish. There are people who I need to spend more time with and enjoy them as much as possible.

If I am blessed enough to live those thirty-four years ahead of me, I don’t want to feel any regrets about what I did today. We are the masters of our destinies and our legacies. See you next time. I’ve got a whole lot to do today!

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A Simpler Life

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What does it mean to say “a simpler life?”  Well, my main point of reference has always been my elders, especially my parents and grandparents.  They grew up and lived through two World Wars and the Great Depression, and yet, they had a perspective that wove resilience and gratitude into the fabric of of their lives.  They somehow were able to find joy in the simple things.  Those things were a roof over their heads and food on the table.  These were the backbone of mere survival, and yet they found joy in them.

Expectations were simply to get through the hard times.  The thread that ran through daily life had to do with how thankful they were for those things.  Ordinary activities, like playing in the street with kids on the block, was the daily amusement they shared.  There was no television, few, if any toys and no money to spend on their fun.  Fun was found in the camaraderie of the people who shared the neighborhood.  As my mother said to me, “We didn’t know we were poor.  We were all in the same boat.”  She did not feel “deprived.”

There’s a huge difference in the way children grow up today.  Consumerism and the disparity of wealth has caused many rifts in the ability to relate with our peers.  Bullying has risen exponentially as a result of the underlying animosity between different groups of people.  It is so extensive, in part, because of the fact that “things” and money have become more important to us as a society.  

That is not to say that this was not true before, but the extent with which we are consumed by the acquisition and use of “stuff” has made people separate from each other, into their possessions.  And it is complicated.  There is nothing simple about the attachment children and adults have with inanimate objects today.

I do not have any answers for what I see to be a difficult problem in our society.  And I realize that I have not even adequately described it here.  But I find myself yearning for ”a simpler life,” even if I have no idea what it would look like in today’s society.  At this point I would just be happy to have an honest conversation about this with others who share this longing for simplicity in our collective lives.  Is anyone interested?

Loss of Memory

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I remember when remembering was not a problem for me.  In fact, I had a fabulous memory.  I could remember names, faces, dates, relationships, telephone numbers, organizations and what they did.  I remembered when I did something, how often I did it and when I would do it again.  I remembered my appointments and my family member’s appointments, along with the time and place and how long it would take to get there and picture in my mind what was the best route to take on a given day.

I was an asset on committees where I could come up with names of people and resources as they were needed.  Of all the things I could remember, it was remembering people and their names that mattered the most.  It’s a universal concept, that being remembered by name produces a good feeling because almost everyone wants to be remembered.

The day my son died in an auto accident, it was as if a bomb went off in my brain.  Fragments of memories were strewn in every direction causing me to forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence.   My grief counselor, who had lost her daughter in an auto accident at about the same age as my son helped me to understand what was happening to me by comparing it to a bomb.  This did make me feel less like it was something I could help.  Things came back to me with time, but never even close to the memory I once had.  But at least I had a functioning memory once again.

Now, my memory loss has other origins.  One of these reasons is the fact that not only do I have too much information floating around in my head, but that so much of it is useless.  If only we could defrag our brains . . .

Another reason I have given was my changing hormones when I went through menopause. There is actually a lot of documentation regarding the loss of estrogen and its effect on memory loss.  And now aging has contributed greatly to this affliction I am experiencing.

Everyday, my husband and I do crossword puzzles together.  This is reputed to help memory.  I read and try to do healthy things, like get enough rest, exercise and eat right as they are suggested as important factors on a number websites I have checked out.

Regardless, we all will experience some memory loss in our lives.  After we do all the right things to help ourselves, the rest is out of our control.  Perhaps the good news is that as our memories fade, we will realize it less and less.  As for me, the main thing I want to remember to do,  is to keep smiling and be loving.  That way, if you are pleasant enough to be around, people will help you with the things that you are no longer able to remember to do.  They will do this because you remembered to be kind.  And kindness is never forgotten.