I have observed disrespectful behavior in teenagers to a greater degree than ever before. And it is easy to blame them for their inappropriate responses and actions.  But is this really fair?

I also see adults behaving badly.  In some parents, there is a tendency to expect obedience from their children even when their own words do not correspond with their actions.  This is a problem.

In a parenting presentation that I attended when my children were in elementary school, the speaker, Barbara Coloroso, was a dynamo.  Something she said that has stuck with me over 30 years is: “Say what you mean.  Mean what you say.  And do what you said you were going to do.”  Consistency is key to good parenting.

Mrs. Coloroso also taught a course on student discipline for teachers, which I also attended.  The basic principles were the same, even though the techniques and circumstances for home and school were different.  The details and examples she gave were applicable to each environment, but the message was identical.  Tell the truth.  Be accountable.  Model good behavior.

It is increasingly important for this message to be heard and seen in adults before we can begin to expect young people to act appropriately.  They need examples, lots of them.  Actions do speak louder than words.  We must show them, not only how to behave, but also give them the respect we want and expect for ourselves.

Another thing that Barbara said was, “Kids are worth it!”  And they are.  They should be.  Build trust. Do things together.  Talk to each other, without devices.  Let them know that they are worth it.

The reality is this.  We live in a world that is constantly giving us mixed messages.  But those messages don’t have power unless we give it to them.  The only thing any of us can do is be authentic and true to ourselves.  We need to be honest with ourselves and each other and tell the truth.