There is very little that can quickly upset me more than witnessing mean-spiritedness.  Even if one dislikes another person, for whatever reason, there is no justification for actions influenced by that sort of mentality.  But, first of all, I must remember that meanness can be a manifestation of insecurity.  Lashing out can be a way of deflecting those uncomfortable feelings.  

Being mean to another person can temporarily make a person feel powerful.  However, that same person, when they are alone, can feel powerless and worse than before.  So, when one witnesses another person being the object of another’s abuse, one must keep in mind, the fact that this sort of behavior by the perpetrator is not coming from a place of strength.  Then, it may be possible to effect a more positive outcome if intervention becomes necessary.

I remember so clearly, a moment between me and my young son, when he asked me, “Why are people mean, Mommy?”  My response was to tell him that other people had probably been mean to them.  It is true that we learn how to behave from the adults around us.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to understand this dynamic, so I could deflect this behavior when I witnessed it.  I still don’t have a definitive answer.  But it helps to try to see the real person, behind the mask of their behavior.

I was a sheltered child, removed from most opportunities to see the darker side of things.  It was possible to do this, growing up in the 50’s and 60’s.  Today, unless children have limited contact with television and other media, sheltering is nearly impossible.  And then, when children go to school, their exposure to negative aspects of society are magnified exponentially.

I guess the best anecdote to mean-spiritedness is in exposing children to as much positive activity as possible.   If one learns to see good in the world from early childhood, and adults talk about negative things that can happen to people, then they will be able to create opportunities to learn deflective behavior.  In addition, by doing this, adults can model empathy and compassion, so that the next generation will be better equipped to solve the problems that they will experience.  They may even learn to be a positive force in their own lives and the lives of the people around them.  Good gracious!  We all know that the world needs a lot more of that!