Now you may be saying to yourself, “How can I love a person who is mean to me or who has a nasty attitude and doesn’t like me or even hates me?”  Maybe this is because we only think of love in terms of “a mother’s love” or “romantic love” or “platonic love.”  I am not speaking of the ways in which we describe human love.  I am referring to the kind of love that God has for creation.  It is the kind of love that we are called to do, if we want to live in a kinder, more loving world.

I start with the people I don’t like very much.  And then I practice loving them by saying nice things about them in my mind, even if I don’t believe them to be true.  This exercise, and others I have read about, can change our negative feelings into a softer version of dislike so that eventually loving them is a much easier concept to believe.  I am not saying that I am good at this.  I am just trying to accept the idea of it being possible.  And on some occasions it has even worked.

There is no way that I can do something successfully until I can fully embrace the feeling of it.  I know what love feels like, so I can teach myself to feel differently when I am in a bad situation and don’t feel loving at that moment.  Whether or not you believe in God, or a higher power, or just “goodness,”  there is good and evil in this world.  The way we approach these opposites is essential in order to make positive decisions.

Loving the people we like is so easy.  It’s a joy just to be with these people.  But loving people that we think of as “bad” is about as difficult as it gets.  We tend to think of things in black and white, but in reality, there are only shades of grey.

I once read a story about a man who had a mother-in-law that treated him with disdain, talking to him with disgust and just generally acting negative around him.  She was in a wheelchair and he had to help her with tasks that she couldn’t do, because his wife was unable to do those things for her.  He didn’t like her very much because of this, but to make the experience more bearable, he decided to be nice to her and ignore the things she said and did.  He always greeted her warmly and gave her a quick hug upon leaving. She would always stiffen at his touch, but he was kind to her no matter what she said or did.

One day, he was in a hurry and had to make a quick visit, forgetting to hug her.  As he was leaving, she called out to him, “Where’s my hug?”  He turned to look at her, smiled to himself, and ran back to give her a hug.  She was still not totally warm to him, but the stiffness was gone.  Loving actions had changed her. Then he realized that that he had changed too.  He had grown fond of her, in spite of himself.  Love is like that.  It changes things.

This exercise of loving action, regardless of a matching, internal emotion, is an example of ”faking it til you make it.”  Acting “as if” you are good at something can have measureable results.  It can work. And even if it doesn’t work at first, we need to keep trying.  It may take a long time to have success.  But without trying, things will remain the same.  I think that this exercise is worth the effort to make my life more meaningful and happier.  How about you?