I have been in and around public schools for over 30 years.  I have worked in classrooms as a parent, taught programs as a consultant, was a substitute teacher, worked in school libraries, directed shows for children and worked as a language facilitator.  In all this time, I have seen a big change in the behavior of the present generation and it is disheartening.

It pains me to say this, but I am seeing and hearing a lack of civility among many young people. Manners are all but absent.  When I open a door for someone, three or four other people file in or out before the person I am trying to aid can even approach the entrance.  Very few students even say “Thank you.”  When someone does say “Thank you,” I am encouraged by the behavior.  But soon afterward, my optimism is dashed by the sounds of agitated foul-mouthed banter in the hallway.  Speaking with appropriate language is the exception, rather than the rule for many teenagers and pre-teens.  I highly suspect their dialogue is suffering from a lack of vocabulary.  If you were to edit out the profanity they basically say very little to each other.  The noise level of students in the hallways of middle schools and high schools is deafening.  There is so much chaos and discord.  Even playful behavior is very loud.  I find myself thinking, “When and how did this come to pass?”

These students are only two generations away from me and my experiences, but the changes seem like they must be three or four apart.  How can this have happened so quickly? I want to figure this out and find out what I can do to help.  It doesn’t have to be like this.  At least, I don’t think so.

Where can we begin?  I know that many people my age and even younger than me feel the weight of this dilemma.  What can we do to make a difference?  The only thing I have done that has seemed to help is just speaking face-to-face with a student when they are not with their peers.  I have forced myself to do this on occasion and it has been profound.  I was in a middle school one day and I saw a  student sitting alone, whose behavior was often mean-spirited and whom I didn’t like very much because of his actions.  I approached him and sat down across from him.  I was prepared for the encounter to fail, but was pleasantly surprised.  I began to talk with him as he looked at me suspiciously.  I began a simple conversation.  I asked him what he wanted to do when he got out of school and after a little while he told me about wanting to do graphic arts.  This kid, who up to this point I had only seen with a scowl on his face, smiled at me.  We talked.  We communicated.

I guess I really do know what will help, after all.  We need to talk to kids, especially when we don’t like their behavior.  These kids need good attention, positive attention, encouraging attention.  They need relationships and they don’t know how to have them.  They, like all of us, need to know that they are worth the time, one-on-one with a person who cares and has their best interest at heart.