I have been in and around public schools for over 30 years.  I have worked in classrooms as a parent, taught programs as a consultant, was a substitute teacher, worked in school libraries, directed shows for children and worked as a language facilitator.  In all this time, I have seen a big change in the behavior of the present generation and it is disheartening.

It pains me to say this, but I am seeing and hearing a lack of civility among many young people. Manners are all but absent.  When I open a door for someone, three or four other people file in or out before the person I am trying to aid can even approach the entrance.  Very few students even say “Thank you.”  When someone does say “Thank you,” I am encouraged by the behavior.  But soon afterward, my optimism is dashed by the sounds of agitated foul-mouthed banter in the hallway.  Speaking with appropriate language is the exception, rather than the rule for many teenagers and pre-teens.  I highly suspect their dialogue is suffering from a lack of vocabulary.  If you were to edit out the profanity they basically say very little to each other.  The noise level of students in the hallways of middle schools and high schools is deafening.  There is so much chaos and discord.  Even playful behavior is very loud.  I find myself thinking, “When and how did this come to pass?”

These students are only two generations away from me and my experiences, but the changes seem like they must be three or four apart.  How can this have happened so quickly? I want to figure this out and find out what I can do to help.  It doesn’t have to be like this.  At least, I don’t think so.

Where can we begin?  I know that many people my age and even younger than me feel the weight of this dilemma.  What can we do to make a difference?  The only thing I have done that has seemed to help is just speaking face-to-face with a student when they are not with their peers.  I have forced myself to do this on occasion and it has been profound.  I was in a middle school one day and I saw a  student sitting alone, whose behavior was often mean-spirited and whom I didn’t like very much because of his actions.  I approached him and sat down across from him.  I was prepared for the encounter to fail, but was pleasantly surprised.  I began to talk with him as he looked at me suspiciously.  I began a simple conversation.  I asked him what he wanted to do when he got out of school and after a little while he told me about wanting to do graphic arts.  This kid, who up to this point I had only seen with a scowl on his face, smiled at me.  We talked.  We communicated.

I guess I really do know what will help, after all.  We need to talk to kids, especially when we don’t like their behavior.  These kids need good attention, positive attention, encouraging attention.  They need relationships and they don’t know how to have them.  They, like all of us, need to know that they are worth the time, one-on-one with a person who cares and has their best interest at heart.

The goal of my life is simple.  When I am gone, I want to be missed.  I want to be remembered as I remember the special people that were in my life who have passed before me.  I want to be remembered for making others laugh, for being a good mother, daughter, sister and friend and for being a sharing, loving person.

Oh, I know I am not perfect or even close.  I know I have done things to hurt others in my life.  I am sure that I have even unintentionally hurt people.  For that and many other things, I am sorry.  Still, I think we each have a way of being that has an essential feeling attached to it.  

Empathy, compassion and goodwill are communicated and seen in a person’s personality.  A sense of humor and genuine love of people shows in what a person does and how they make others feel.  I try to be that kind of person, even though I know I often fall short of that goal.  But the intention a person has, matters.

I had a great-aunt who was not a happy woman and carried those negative feelings around with her.  She died a long time ago, and the only memories I have of her are negative.  I remember one day in particular.

I was at my grandmother’s house, and she came into the living room where I was sitting in a chair.  When she walked in we were alone in the room together.  She came over to me, smiling a rather wicked smile.  She leaned in close to my face, after stealing a glance to see if anyone was within earshot.  Then she cackled, “My, you are getting fat, aren’t you?”

I was eleven or  twelve years old, a prepubescent, highly insecure girl, stuck in a chair, away from all allies, with this awful, hateful woman.  And that memory is as clear as a bell after all this time.  More than half a century later, I can still remember that moment and how she made me feel.  As an adult, I can feel bad for her to have been that way.  But, I have never missed that woman.  To me, this is the saddest part of all.  I don’t know if anyone ever missed her.  I hope someone did.

I am fortunate to have many people in my life that I miss.  That means that I have been loved and I believe that I am still loved by those who have passed before me.  It’s my goal to be one of them someday.

It is increasingly clear to me that lying has become an acceptable thing to do in our culture.  People do it to avoid consequences, to impress others, to get jobs, to make friends and various other things.  But in the end, sooner or later, the truth wins out.  Deception is not okay.  The gravity of each instance varies by the seriousness of the infraction, but eventually it becomes clear that the claim that was made, was in fact, a lie.

We all know what it feels like when one has been at the receiving end of a lie.  You can feel like a fool for believing the falsehood.  You can feel betrayed.  You can be angry.  You can be deeply hurt or even feel stupid.  But it’s always important to remember that this was not your mistake.  The one who lied is the one who is responsible, the one who is at fault.

This leads me to the point of being earnest and telling the truth.  It is, quite simply, the right thing to do.  Doing the right thing may seem to be out of fashion when one is young and the people around you behave in this untrustworthy manner, but the bottom line is, no relationship has true value unless there is trust.  Without trust, a relationship can never be more than superficial.  And that kind of relationship is not worth having.

I know from my own experience and the experiences shared with me by others, that everyone needs at least one really good friend to get through the challenges we face in our lives.  If you have at least one person you can trust, you can recover and endure almost anything.  The reason that this is so, is that we all need to be able to count on someone to be sincere and truthful with us.

So, what we need to do, is learn how to be a real, true friend.  By being a good friend, by being honest and telling the truth, a person contributes to the well-being of our society.  We could change the entire world if it were filled with people willing to be earnest with one another and be there for each other.  And that would be a wonderful thing to behold.

Did you ever notice how some people radiate a good and loving heart?  It is like a benevolent feeling they carry with them, and it creates a beauty that can be seen with our eyes and also felt within us when we are around them.These special people may or may not have what the world considers to be physical beauty as it is defined by our culture.  But the beauty is there in whatever body they may inhabit.  Their beauty is inherent within them.

Now, here is another question.  Have you ever looked at a so-called beautiful person that looks like a magazine model and realized that their beauty is superficial?  And when they speak, it is haughty and mean-spirited?  This is a very sad phenomena, because bad behavior is often tolerated because of this “outside” beauty.  It is as if people do not want to accept that these “beautiful people” can be ugly inside.

I remember a guy I went to college with.  He was, well, homely, or what society would refer to as such.  He was one of the funniest people I had ever met.  He just kept us in stitches.  He was totally authentic and had a razor sharp wit.  And he was so nice.  He never made fun at the expense of anyone but himself.  Everybody loved to be around him.

Months later, sitting in the student lounge, I was looking at him and he looked handsome to me.  He was the same guy, but he looked so much more attractive than I had ever realized, or noticed before.  A week or so after that, I ran across some older pictures from when we first met, and realized that he looked exactly the same then as he did to me now.  That was a real moment of truth for me.  I could see that the beauty within him had changed my perception of his outer looks.

This revelation changed the way I think about people and beauty.  We can see things through a different, more perfect lens, if we delay our judgement of beauty and focus instead on the character of a person.  If we can look beyond the outside of a person, then we will be able to see what a person is like on the inside, where true beauty lives.

Lately I have been thinking about recycling a lot.  Using those big, designated bins for paper, plastic and glass is only one way.  Giving things you don’t want or need to people and organizations is also commonly done.  Composting is a fabulous method of giving back to this earth that feeds us.  Even just finding alternate uses for stuff in your home is recycling you can do for yourself.  The possibilities are endless if you acquire the proper mindset.

So, what do I mean by the proper mindset?  It occurred to me that this concept of recycling can be considered in a different manner.  One can envision education as a reprocessing of knowledge from the teacher to the student.  Teachers often recycle their curriculum, changing it to communicate the material with different language and styles.  The same information can be presented using new, imaginative approaches to a subject.  Recycling can be invigorating!

Musicians have often used this system with songwriting when a piece is re-arranged for singers, orchestras and bands or to change its phrasing.  Artists find discarded materials and create masterpieces.  Mechanics re-purpose parts to make adjustments to old machinery, build new tools and fix broken ones.

Clothing, cars and furniture are continually being refashioned.  If you keep your clothes and shoes, even long after they become out-of-date, eventually they will come back in style.  Hairdos are always being transformed into new ones.  Fads and fashions are repeatedly recycled.  Endless variations of a few basic techniques make way for fresh creations to bloom.

The changing of the seasons is one of the most amazing examples of recycling there is.  Nature takes the hard, frozen ground of Winter, void of vegetation, except for the trees, and completely transforms it at the beginning of Spring.  With the help of the sun and rain, the soil becomes moist and ready to be seeded and suddenly a wide range of multicolored plants and flowers appear. This leads to Summer, with its sunny, hot weather, bringing tremendous growth and maturity of the produce we need to survive.  Finally, Autumn brings the harvest and the falling of the leaves that will cover the ground and prepare it for Winter.  It is the recycling of our planet and it is magnificent.

Taking what we have and making it new again is just a process of re-thinking, and thereby reusing, what we already have.  It is one’s own particular perspective that allows one to see what can be done in any area of expertise.  Each person has their own path and direction.  I know that if I keep an open mind,  I will improve my recycling skills and use up my talents along the way.  I think everyone can do this, if they choose to give it a try.