Sometimes I succumb to negativity by thinking too much.  This behavior is deadly to a peaceful mindset.  When a person overthinks, that behavior has a tendency to morph into worry.  And then it can become a problem that grows in one’s mind.  This is not a road I want to travel.  But it happens, and I let it happen.  

I think I need to come up with a script, something to say to myself when I see that I am heading in that direction.  The problem with that, is that I don’t always see where I am heading.  Is it just me, or do other people do this too?  

I am trying very hard to come up with a plan, perhaps a mantra?  What could I say to myself?  I decided to search for an answer.  I typed my query into my computer and found many, many ways to stop thinking too much.  Of course, I already knew them all.  They were all common sense answers.  But, that didn’t help me to decide what was the most effective one(s) for me.

Maybe a mantra is the best thing for me.  Simple, yet full of possibility!  One word, “STOP” can be the 1st thing to say to myself.  If I arrest my immediate behavior, at least that will be a start.

Then, I will need to come up with a short script.  I can write it out, try it out and edit it if necessary.  Something short and to the point should do it!  Okay!  Hmm.  “Stop thinking, Lora! You’re doing it again!” 

Wait a minute!  Could it be?  Could it be that simple?  No, it has to have more words than that, doesn’t it?  Well?  Doesn’t it?  Of course not!

I looked up “mantra.”  “A commonly repeated word or phrase.” A word or phrase?  Why, it’s perfect as it is!  “Stop thinking, Lora! You’re doing it again!”  “Stop thinking, Lora! You’re doing it again!” 

Yes!  That’s it!  I think this will work.  Yes, I really do.  I feel better already.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

I can’t imagine a life without laughter.  I don’t want to.  I don’t even want to think about it.  That’s because even when I am depressed or just sad about something, sooner or later I will think of something that is amusing or paradoxical and I will burst out laughing!  I am sure this must seem very strange to some people.  I may have found it strange myself if it had not happened to me.  And it has been happening for so long, I don’t have any idea when this started.

The most valuable aspect of this blessing is that I don’t try to feel this way.  Somewhere, (in my brain, I suppose) there is a part of me that wants to choose joy.  Now I am not saying that I understand this, (because I don’t.)  But it is a blessing and a gift.  To deny this would be a sin.  I am so grateful and yet, still puzzled by this phenomenon.  

Maybe you have experienced a time when a tragedy has occurred, and all of a sudden someone says something that makes everyone laugh.  It is as if we were all subconsciously waiting for something to cut into the fog of sadness.  Often it can be a child who does something so sweet or cute that everyone giggles at the same time.

The fog is broken and everyone can take a deep breath and exhale a sigh of relief.

There have been so many times in my life where laughter has saved me from despair.  I am one of those people that wear their heart on their sleeve.  I have found that this is also a blessing to me.  Even if this has given me many difficult times, they do not outweigh the joy of being able to eventually heal from them and see them in a brighter light.

As much as I do not ever want to live without laughter, I also do not want to live without tears.  Both of them are essential parts of our humanity and serve a purpose in our lives.  They enable us to navigate the diverse experiences of the ever swift passage of time that we call life.  But in the end, I must admit that life without laughter would be worse.  Indeed it would be a crying shame. 

Many years ago, I taught a program I had entitled, “Sing and Sign” for elementary school students.  I was taking sign language at a community college and my children were in elementary school.  We had moved to California for my husband’s work and I was fortunate to be able to volunteer in their classrooms. 

The classes at community colleges were free and one of them offered a sign language course.  Since I had been interested in learning to sign, I jumped at the chance to learn.  My teacher was a great guy and it was really a fun class.  He also loved to sign songs and would share this with us on occasion.  I loved it.  

I love to write songs and decided that I would write songs for children that could be easily signed.  He was so encouraging and as time went on we became good friends and our families would get together.  But I digress, as I often do.

I started out with one short song about being friends.  In time, I had written about 20 songs for kids to learn sign language, and they became the basis of a program called “Sing and Sign.”  I taught and performed this program in a number of elementary schools as a part time job.

One of the songs I wrote and performed was entitled, “You Gotta Be Your Best Friend.”  Now, it has been many years since I taught that program.  But I remember all of the songs.  I think it’s because there are signs attached to the words along with the melody.  These three things: words, melody and sign, seem to form a memory chain, as I have had students who are now in their 40’s who still remember the alphabet song and the signs.  That is my theory, anyway. 

Lately, I have had major memory issues and this is depressing to me.  However, when talking to my sister-in-law, I was beating myself up a lot, and she let me know I was doing it and told me I had to stop.  I totally agreed with her, but found I wasn’t aware of doing it much of the time.  

I have been trying not to go down that path and “You Gotta Be Your Best Friend” popped into my head the other day.  So I started singing it at home.  This exercise has helped me because when I am starting to think negatively, I just start to sing and sign this song.  It has surprised me more than I could imagine.  It has become a coping mechanism for me.  Isn’t that amazing?  I am so surprised and grateful. Sometimes, we have just the right tool inside of us that can help us through a difficult time.  Isn’t that amazing?

In closing, the words to the chorus and the first verse of the song are written below.

You Gotta Be Your Best Friend

Don’t do something for yourself that isn’t good for you,

That isn’t good for you.

Do do something for yourself that you would like to do,

That’s really good for you.

Cause, you gotta be your best friend,

No one can be your best friend,

Like you can be best friends with you

  Ⓒ 1989 Lora Marie Wade

I have found, in my life, that I don’t always appreciate every good thing that is happening around me.  I think that most of us take things for granted at one time or another.  As human beings, we are not, nor will we ever be perfect.  To me, the main thing is to try and be grateful for every good thing that happens to me, and recognise that there are blessings all around me.

Once recognized, anything that is good or positive can be filed away in my mind.  When I do this, I create memories that can be appreciated and enjoyed again and again.  The way I look at it, if I fill my mind with these memories, they can be there if I need some encouragement, or perhaps just make me smile.  It doesn’t always work.  And yet, sometimes it will instantly make a positive difference in my perspective.

I have come to believe that if I don’t do this exercise, then I am missing an opportunity to be more happy.  I like the image of a “missed opportunity” because it puts the responsibility squarely on my shoulders.  I am making a decision for myself.  No one else is responsible for me.  I am responsible for the way I choose to view things.  It’s all on me.

I am not a pro at this exercise.  I may not ever be one.  It’s my decision and my practice that makes the difference.  I have found that I am always glad when I do the work that makes my life better.  Learning to recognize those good things is only the first step.  But it is also the most important one.  Now, is the only moment I am actually engaged in.  The past is only a memory now.  The future is not promised.  When I remember to ponder these two facts, I am fully invested in the present.  That is where I must continue to learn to recognize every good thing.  A daily challenge, indeed.

My husband and I were both in plays in high school.  We had been in plays and musicals in different high schools.  Because of this, when we got married, we still did some shows.  That’s why we both knew Mr. Cassidy.  Ollie had been in many shows with him because he directed them at his high school and counted on him to take male roles because guys were always in short supply as opposed to the girls.  I knew him through community theater. 

When our daughter was born, she became a part of our pioneer family in a Bicentennial Pageant.  It depicted different time periods as the characters walked in procession wearing various costumes for the celebration. 

He was known for his designing and making of costumes and for his extremely large casts. Since our daughter was a part of the cast, he made her a costume too.  He signed a program for her to “the littlest trouper.”  He was very sweet to her and us.  He had been known to be brutal at times, with his criticisms of his actors.  By the time I knew him, he had mellowed a little.  

As time went on, we became closer to him.  He had no family of his own except for his aunts.  He lived with them, and when they died he was left alone.  After our son was born we went to visit him.  As my son got older he would tell a joke that he had made up for him.  My daughter would sing a song. He loved it!

We moved to California and I wrote to him.  It was hard for him to write, but he would always reply in cursive.  He had very painful arthritis and they were difficult to read, but he was faithful in communicating with us, as we were with him.  When we would come back home for a visit, we would go to see him.  

His health was failing, but he was still very “with it.”  And he was always in good spirits when we came.  He really enjoyed our kids.  It was special for them too.  I got the impression that he didn’t get a lot of visitors and he really appreciated it when we came.  I am pretty sure his favorite part was the joke and the song.