What will we leave behind when each of us leaves this life?  When we ask ourselves this kind of question, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Do we think of our money in the bank?   Our house?  Our investments?  What if we have none of these things in the first place or nothing left to give after we die?  What if all we leave behind are debts to be paid with whatever is left of our “earthly stuff?”  Will it matter to our kids and grandkids?

It causes me to ask myself, “What is really important to me?”  What will have I taught them?  What will be important to them?  If the answer is money or things what will it say about the relationships we have had?

I know what I will remember of them.  I will remember the time we spent together and how much fun we had, the things they said and the laughter we shared.  Even the difficult times we got through together are memories to treasure because they showed us what we were made of.

What will we leave behind when it’s time for them to carry on without us?  And what will our legacy be?  Hopefully they will not view legacy in terms of money, but on values and memories that give life meaning.  I know that I want leave a legacy of love.  Love doesn’t run out.  Love never ends, even after death.  Love makes all things possible.

But what will  our progeny think?  Will we be judged by our amassed wealth or the wealth of our relationship?  Questions, questions, questions are all that I have right now.  I am not the one who will answer them.  I wonder what they will say?  In the end, that is all that will really matter anyway.

As one looks at the events of the past year in the United States,  it is painfully clear that inequality exists on many levels.  The long-held idea of the double standard with regard to men and women has been the predominant way in which we have viewed a double standard.  And the lack of progress in this area is something that is evidenced in the way that some men still treat women as reflected in the numbers of assault and rape. Here are some statistics. According to a US Department of Justice report, “1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.“ and “1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States has been raped in their lifetime.” This disparity is listed in additional statistics in a report by the CDC in 2010 as well as many other publications.

Working in public high schools I have seen a double standard at play on a daily basis.  Girls being touched and and groped at in the hallways is bad enough.  But sadly, I also see a willingness of many girls wanting to be paid attention to, even if it is degrading.  For girls to feel this way, it has been learned somewhere, and the media enforces the idea by constantly repeating such scenes of violence, making it seem to be an unalterable fact.  This is and has been an unacceptable truth, but it continues.

And now, there are new and renewed double standards in the way our culture behaves toward some of our citizens, that suggests gross inequalities in the way people of some races, ethnicities, sexual orientations, religions and immigrants are treated.  Much of this was aggravated in the 2016 election, when the country’s diametrically opposed political ideologies were fueled by hate rhetoric.  This rhetoric ignited flames of prejudices that were already a part of a double standard, but were often masked because acting on them was recognized as being unacceptable by much of the population.

Regardless of the whos and whys, all people should be able to be themselves as long as they don’t hurt anyone in the process.  That is what freedom is all about.  And in this country, these are the things we hold dear.  In spite of our failings, our Constitution respects and protects the rights of all citizens and has been a stronghold in the belief that “all men are created equal.”  We have long been a country of immigrants and our Statue of Liberty holds the flame of hope for those who are oppressed.  Maybe, we all should take a look at ourselves and uncover the ways our prejudices reflect our actions.  Hopefully, as a nation we will more closely live up to the ideals we are supposed to stand for, because that is what our democracy calls us to do.

Our world is filled with tales of destruction and we are riding on their tails, hanging on for dear life.  Natural resources are being torn down in the name of progress.  Entire species are being decimated as their habitats are being destroyed.  We mess with nature by our use of pesticides that kill many beneficial, healthy organisms as well as the pests in order to be able to sell more produce that may be genetically modified.

There are those who deny the existence of climate change in spite of the extensive evidence that exists.  Scientists have been trying to educate the world about this path of destruction with that very evidence and it has fallen on many a deaf ear.  Why?  Methinks it has to do with greed in some form.  What kind of a world will our children inherit as a result of this irresponsible behavior?

Fracking and the building of pipelines to extract oil, all the while disregarding the damage it will do to our environment and the people who live there, is unconscionable.  Raping of the sacred grounds of Native Americans is deplorable!  When will enough harm be done to make a change in the course of these actions?  Is there no end to the wretched atrocities that people will perform to create more decadent wealth at the expense of future generations?

I sincerely desire that change will happen in the hearts of those few who consider monetary gain more important than the welfare of the many who suffer as a result of their actions.  Let us hope and pray that there will be a massive shift in the existing paradigm that will level the playing field by giving voice to the concerns of all people.  If we continue on this path, all of us will suffer the fate that has been created.  For none of us is exempt from the result of our collective actions.

Everyone who lives will experience grief in their life.  How often this happens, depends largely on the loving relationships one has and one’s longevity.  These two factors determine how many times a person will endure these heavyhearted occurrences in our lives.

It is Valentine’s Day as I am writing this.  It is my son’s birthday and it has been nineteen years since he died in a car accident.  He would have been forty years old today, had he lived.  And, even though there will always be  a yearning for him, because he is no longer here physically, he is still a part of my life.  I grieved him thoroughly, by throwing myself into it and embracing it, because grief is something one must go through, not get over.

Going through grief is something one must learn to do.  To survive well means pouring oneself fully into the grief, in order to come out on the other side of it. Then, one’s feelings can grow into acceptance and hope.  By going through this healing catharsis, remembrance can become sweet and comforting, even joyful at times.

Good memories are treasures after the worst of our grief is over.  They no longer make us feel  depressed, but instead, we can be happy for the fact that they happened.

One thing is certain.  If one lives a long life, it is important to know how to survive many losses.  One will have outlived many friends and family members. Life will be different, but it need not be unhappy.  We can continue to learn and grow, even become a mentor to younger people.  Being useful to others is rewarding for the giver and the receiver.

Maturity and wisdom are the gifts of the elders in our society.  If we learn to survive well and give of ourselves as we grow old, we will have lived a wonderful life.  And then we will also be grieved as we will have made a difference.

In today’s society, people seem to be moving toward communication that does not require being in close proximity to one another.  While Skype, facetime and Facebook messaging are ways of seeing one another while talking, the old-fashioned ways of “hanging out” with a friend or sitting-across-from-each-other talking while having a meal, now have the addition of a phone attached to each person involved.  Therefore, closeness in conversation is greatly affected by that added inanimate appendage, because it can cause unnecessary interruptions.

If meaningful relationships are valued, then there have to be limits on our phone usage when we are together with our family and friends.  There is a critical component that is missing when one does not have free hands.  Even small things, like gestures, are thwarted. The the ability to touch a hand, or reach out to console, is not likely to happen if one’s phone is being watched.  And more vital things, especially eye contact, are greatly diminished, making intimacy difficult at best.

It is worrisome when one sees the younger generation so consumed by their technology,  especially when the use of it is at the expense of real relationships.  Worse yet, is the fact that adults, who know better and have had these one-on-one experiences, have fallen into the trappings of this technology as well.

Communication is a gift.  The ability of human beings to talk, have eye-contact and touch uses three of our five senses.  The addition of having a meal together brings the other two, taste and smell, into the mix.  The more we interact in this way, the stronger our relationships become.  Phone and text conversations cannot begin to compete with the deep satisfaction of face-to-face interaction.

Some things in life are far more significant than others. The ability to communicate well is one of them.  It is important to the quality of one’s life to be connected to our fellow human beings.  Without that human connection, we may as well be living alone, for indeed we are.