Have you ever thought about just how much body language affects one’s communication with others?  Having known and worked with deaf and hard of hearing people for many years, I have been very aware of how facial expression and gesture affects one’s true feelings and perhaps, motives. Let me explain.

First of all, each of us has a particular posture that reveals major aspects of one’s personality. Things like introversion and extroversion are recognized by discerning eyes and one can easily learn to do this.

The way one walks and the attitude one has, are reflections of one’s true self.  We can say words that have many different meanings. But then, tone of voice and inflection add and or change the meaning of words.  But body language has the power to either enhance what is being said or negate it entirely.

For example, when a person is sad or depressed, positive words can be spoken by that person over the phone and the person who is listening can interpret whether or not it rings true, so to speak.  However, when one says the very same words in person, it will be a different story.  It is hard to mask body language.  Doing so involves a skill set of being able to act a part and control one’s physicality.  Most of us are not actors and life is not a play.

Add to all of these things, the fact that people are largely unaware of what their body is doing. Watch for this, and then you will have an idea of how motives can be exposed, without the person who is showing their motives even being aware of it.

The reason that I think this is important, is that in today’s world, there is so much deception to be found.  We need to be aware, not only of what people say to us, but also what they mean. Unfortunately, people don’t always say what they mean and mean what they say.

Sometimes, a person that grows up without enough food, clothing, housing and other necessities might find that they “hunger” for the things they did not have growing up.  They may even feel an urgency to make up for their impoverished childhood and acquire many more things than what they need.

It could also be greed, jealousy, or any number of other things that cause people to want to own many, many things.  But whatever the reason is, I think that there is a flaw in thinking that more things will make a person satisfied.  In fact, I believe the opposite is true.  The more one has, the more one wants to own.

I see this everyday with the students I have observed while working in schools.  Kids “want” the latest phone and the coolest shoes, (as many pairs as possible).  They say that they “need” these things and really DO think that they need them.  They want the best and the most that they can have of something.  But, rarely, if ever, are they satisfied.  They do not stop wanting more. Instead, they are perpetually in a state of want.

With adults, it’s the house, the car(s), the phones, and etc., only bigger and more expensive things are “needed.”  To me, it seems to be a burden, always feeling the need to have, to never have “enough.”

I find as I get older, the less I want and the more I want to purge many of the things I have.  It is a blessing to feel this way.  I have way more than what I need and much less of what I have had in the past. The most interesting thing about what I have experienced is the relief I feel every time I get rid of something.  Each time I let a thing go, I also lose the responsibility of caring for that thing.  It gives me more time and energy to spend with the people I love.  And there is never too much of that.

A number of years ago, I came up with this idea of “negative thought replacement therapy.”  I even had my husband make me a sign (vinyl letters on hard plastic sign material) that I put on the windowsill of my kitchen.  I did work on doing this for a while.  Later, I would just think about doing this.  Finally, I found that it just became a part of my windowsill, not my mind.

Every so often, I would notice it and think, “I really need to do that.”  Or I would just continue to ignore it, not on purpose, but I just didn’t see it.  It was like those projects you want to do in your house, that really bother you, but after time passes they just become less visible and gradually fall into the background.

I remember reading a book that said you should say to yourself, “My spirit salutes your spirit.” when someone cuts you off in traffic.  I never actually did that, but at the time I thought maybe I should try it.  But when it came right down to it, I just took a deep breath and let it go at that.

Lately, I have been trying to find ways of incorporating this idea back into my life, as I do with my daily prayers.  So far I have been unsuccessful.  Still I think that it could become useful.  For instance, when I find myself disliking someone, I can think, “This person needs positive thoughts to come to him/her.”  This, instead of, “I can’t stand that person.”

And when I find negative “self-talk” getting me down, I can change my thoughts into “I need to give myself a break.”  When I do things like this, my stress level falls.  I become more comfortable with myself and other people.  I really need to do this more.

All of these things are nice to think about, but doing them is difficult.  Maybe my new mantra should be, “Think positive NOW!”  It can work.  I need to use it, and not let this idea fall into the background of my life, as my sign did.  And that would be a positive sign (+)!

With hunger and need on one hand, and power and money on the other, which does one choose to focus on?  Whatever the answer, it comes from the soul.  There are souls rich in generosity, ready to try and help those in need and souls that focus on themselves and what they can acquire.  Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Still, in spite of the fact that there is enough wealth to feed everyone, people still go hungry.  This is evidence of what I am referring to as a “poverty of the soul.”

In the United States, the huge disparity between the rich and the poor can be seen so clearly, and ignored so easily.  Without regarding all people as being worthy of basic necessities, we feed the greedy and starve the needy.  There is a large question that looms over America today. What kind of country do we want to be?

Why is the bottom line ALWAYS money?  Aren’t we better than that?  Shouldn’t we be?  Life is unfair.  This is true.  However, there is so much we can do to even the playing field.  People need not go hungry.  There should be opportunity for everyone to succeed.  I’m not talking about endless handouts. But giving a hand up can make it possible for those born into poverty to lift themselves out of it.

You may be familiar with the quote from the Bible that states, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked” (Luke 12:48).  Money is only a part of the equation.  Gifts of time and talent are also needed.  There are so many ways to give and every one of them is essential.

I guess I am trying to make sense of these inequalities and am pondering the possible solutions to the problems that we face in the United States and elsewhere.  One thing is relatively certain.  When people do not have access to ways out of physical poverty, it is unlikely that it will happen. Sharing abundance, in all its forms, makes life better for everyone.  Poverty of the soul is still poverty.  It is the simplest kind of poverty to fix.  What it requires is a change of heart.

I remember the first time I heard the term, “active listening.”  It was not something I had ever thought about very much.  I thought I knew how to listen.  But there is an important component in this “listening” that must be considered.  “Active listening” requires one to be in tune with the other person’s words, without thinking of how to respond.  It involves a conscious effort to stay focused ONLY on what the other person is saying.

The recent stream of hate rhetoric seems to have taken over social media and news outlets that report on the conditions that are present to their readers.  It is an ugly way of communication and I can’t say that I witness a lot of openness to compromise.  It seems that the more disagreement finds a fertile place to grow, the more people dig their heels in.

I am trying to stay positive in the midst of this, but find myself disturbed when people do not see things the way I do.  I am attempting to create a peaceful space in my own consciousness, where a cooperative spirit can grow.  For if we each continue to feel as divided as we do in this present moment, that will be impossible. Two diametrically opposing ideas cannot fullyexist in the same mind.  There needs to be a willingness to adjust our attitudes and move toward middle ground.

“Active listening” is essential to the communication we must have in order to see the other person’s point of view.  Only then, can we open our minds fully to the possibility of compromise.  When this happens, we engage in the essential process that can only happen in minds open enough to grow peace.

Hatred, in its many forms, must not be tolerated if we aspire to be a place where there is freedom to have different opinions and discuss issues in an open and non-confrontational manner.  If peace is what we are after, active listening is necessary. Let us strive to be a country where this can happen.  We can be a place that people will be free to express their opinions openly.  That is the America I want to see and I know that it can be accomplished.  Our future depends on it.