Author Archives: Lora Marie Wade

We are ALL Needed to Make This World

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It is so easy to judge.  As people, we are pretty lax about giving value to things that we don’t fully understand.  That is why we often limit the respect we give to others with less money, or education or ability than we may have.  However, people born into poverty, lack of opportunity or lack of skills, are not less valuable.  If anything, they are the ones that can teach us the most.  

We all find it easy to love people like ourselves.  We don’t like people to disagree with us.  But those are the ones who can teach us to listen, seek common ground and find compromise. Those who look different than we do or have a different background than us, give us an opportunity to learn how to step into someone else’s shoes.  

Others, who have less education, can give us the opportunity to find resources that will even the playing field.  If one is disabled in some way, another person can look for and find ways to make things more accessible.  Every one of us has something to give to the world.  When it is hard to figure out what to do in any situation, the key is using whatever one has for the good of others.  And it is important to remember that even if it looks or seems like another person has little to offer to oneself, this does not make it true.

Some people think they know the value of another person.  But that does not make it true either.  We all have limited vision, knowledge and understanding.  No one is perfect, not one of us.

If we can find the ways that prejudices impact our thinking, we can expand our capacity to show compassion and learn to have empathy for our fellow human beings.  Only then, will we find out why we are all needed to make this world.  Only then, will we begin to see the ways we are ALL needed in order to make this a better world for everyone.

Selling One’s Self Short

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It comes up in conversation.  Recently, a friend and I were having lunch and the topic of young girl’s clothing choices came up.  It is something that bothers me a lot.  Young girls think that the way to get the attention of boys is to dress provocatively and parade around showing themselves off.  Of course, this is true.  It most certainly does that!

This isn’t new.  In fact it has been happening for eons.  But the thing that disturbs me, is that we haven’t successfully communicated the message to girls that they are objectifying themselves and making it hard for boys to see who they really are. Their worth as a human being is attached to their appearance.  We are all to blame for this.  We need to retrain girls and boys.  

The thing is, if we don’t do something to change this, girls will forever continue to value themselves in terms that depend mainly on their physical looks.  This is tragic.  If that is the criteria that is the focus of one’s value, what if the current trend of attraction does not include you?  And this so-called beauty can diminish one’s self-worth, even when one feels attractive. This is true with boys as well as girls, but not to the same degree because they are not objectified to the extent that girls are.

With boys, the focus is often on conquests.  Conquests that are of physical strength  (in sports and such) and conquests of girls consume a lot of their time.  Setting aside the issue of misogyny, (which is something else entirely) this makes it difficult, at best, to even think of seeking out meaningful relationships that can nurture and sustain us when times get tough. And it is a focus that exacerbates feelings of  low self- worth when one is no longer capable of doing things.

Unfortunately, in my jobs with teens, I have found that the gospel of lack has a booming following.  What I mean is that the ubiquitous advertising of self-worth through ownership of things also contributes to a lack of money being the source of selling one’s self short.

We all come into this world with inherent value.  We matter.  All of us matter.  We matter from the moment we are born.  We are all here for a reason, and that reason is not looks, physical strength, or monetary means.

Meaningful relationships, love for one’s fellow human beings, the important, far-reaching measures of self-fulfillment are the things that make our time here satisfying and life-giving. We need not sell ourselves short.  We should not do so.  Life is precious and so are we.  Enough said.

 

A Simpler Life

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What does it mean to say “a simpler life?”  Well, my main point of reference has always been my elders, especially my parents and grandparents.  They grew up and lived through two World Wars and the Great Depression, and yet, they had a perspective that wove resilience and gratitude into the fabric of of their lives.  They somehow were able to find joy in the simple things.  Those things were a roof over their heads and food on the table.  These were the backbone of mere survival, and yet they found joy in them.

Expectations were simply to get through the hard times.  The thread that ran through daily life had to do with how thankful they were for those things.  Ordinary activities, like playing in the street with kids on the block, was the daily amusement they shared.  There was no television, few, if any toys and no money to spend on their fun.  Fun was found in the camaraderie of the people who shared the neighborhood.  As my mother said to me, “We didn’t know we were poor.  We were all in the same boat.”  She did not feel “deprived.”

There’s a huge difference in the way children grow up today.  Consumerism and the disparity of wealth has caused many rifts in the ability to relate with our peers.  Bullying has risen exponentially as a result of the underlying animosity between different groups of people.  It is so extensive, in part, because of the fact that “things” and money have become more important to us as a society.  

That is not to say that this was not true before, but the extent with which we are consumed by the acquisition and use of “stuff” has made people separate from each other, into their possessions.  And it is complicated.  There is nothing simple about the attachment children and adults have with inanimate objects today.

I do not have any answers for what I see to be a difficult problem in our society.  And I realize that I have not even adequately described it here.  But I find myself yearning for ”a simpler life,” even if I have no idea what it would look like in today’s society.  At this point I would just be happy to have an honest conversation about this with others who share this longing for simplicity in our collective lives.  Is anyone interested?

Do Unto Others (The Golden Rule)

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Anyone who has ever had any religious training or even had a lesson on how one should deal with others, surely has heard, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Maybe the message was, “Treat other people the way you want to be treated.”   Whatever the actual words, the meaning was clear.  Be nice.  Be fair.  Be decent.

It seems to me that with the current political climate, the animosity toward people not like ourselves, the inability of people to put themselves in other people’s shoes, the denial of people to take responsibility for their actions and other problems we face in today’s world, we are forgetting this simple, basic precept.  Why is it so difficult do unto others reciprocally?

One person never has all the answers.  Cooperation requires us to see things through another person’s lens.  Indeed, this is the truest path toward a lasting peace.  So why don’t we do this out of self-interest?  Isn’t it better to live in harmony than to be at odds with others?

Some of the best moments in life are when people are bound together for a common goal that benefits everyone.  How can any person have faith in mankind if others have not considered them as important as anyone else?  Every person has value and deserves to be considered.  If one grows up without being valued, that person cannot be a part of the conversation.  When this happens, there is a break in trust that can foster deep unrest.  We unwittingly create bullies by doing this.  This affects everyone negatively.  It is in everyone’s interest to care about each other.  Do unto others.  

When I ignore the plight of other people’s tragedies, I become part of the problem that plagues our world.  The humane reaction to disaster or catastrophe is not to say, “It’s not my problem.” The answer that brings peace is, “What can I do to help?”  As simplistic as it may sound, just looking at things through a lens of love and understanding toward humanity could shift our collective minds to a compassionate mode of thinking.  The world can change when we change our minds.  Do unto others.

 

A Message to My Friends: Sometimes I Talk Too Much

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Sometimes, I talk way too much.  Just adding a few words while someone is speaking, for verification, or even support, is not always welcome.  I can unintentionally be rude and not get it until after the damage is done.  Or, I can get so jazzed about something that it can be overbearing.

Other times, I can just talk on and on about something when I am upset, causing other people to be distressed in the process, only to have me feel better, while leaving them,  disturbed, in my dust.  This can be abusive to kind-hearted people who are within earshot.  And I am immediately sorry, but at times I just can’t control myself.

This is my version of “venting,”  which I fear could air-condition a gymnasium.  I sincerely hope that I am overstating this behavior.  Why do I do this?  I am not always like this, thank goodness. But what makes me so verbose and emotional?

My friends don’t seem to mind.  Maybe they just have a high tolerance of me.  Or perhaps they are just patient enough to know that if I go on long enough, I will eventually tire and move on.   I am so grateful that they care so much and that they can endure my foibles.

My mother has always been so good to me, allowing me to “get it out of my system,” as she puts it.  And she will just let me go on and on until there is a natural end to my passionate tirade and I am spent.

I hope that I am the kind of person that is there for my friends, as she is for me.  I pray that the people I love and care for so deeply, find me to be the silent, supportful friend that they need me to be when they are in distress.

Either way, I am determined to do better.  I will attempt to curb my passion, or distress, or excitement, when it surfaces and begin to tame this beast inside of me.  Try to forgive me my lapses, for surely I will have them, and allow me the chance to become the kind of friend that everyone deserves.