Loneliness can literally be devastating.  There is a loneliness epidemic in America.  Although it was more recently exacerbated by the pandemic, it has been growing in America for some time.  The pandemic just accelerated the growth of the problem. 

Our interaction with other people is an essential part of the human condition.  When there is a lack of social connection, a person can become lonely and there can be physical consequences such as increasing the risk for heart disease by 29% and 32% for stroke.  The risk for dementia in older adults is 50% and the lack of social connection increases the risk of premature death by more than 60%! These statistics are noted in a call for action by the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy in his “Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.”

In addition to the physical health problems mentioned above, the mental health issues are even more worrisome. Depression due to loneliness negatively affects people more than twice as often as people who never or rarely feel lonely.  Indeed, loneliness can be devastating. 

I must admit that when I isolated myself, as I did when I had Covid, part of me seemed to die.  The fact that I am an extrovert made it even more surprising to me, when I didn’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere even when it was much safer to do so.  I thought that I actually caused, or succumbed to depression by not bouncing back as I felt I should have been able to do.  Reading Dr. Vivek Murthy’s report and other articles have made me feel better about myself, as I had felt that I was causing my own misery.  Talk about being one’s own worst enemy!

Human connection is an essential part of the human condition.  Connecting with others is an antidote to loneliness and isolation. 

Knowing who I am, and who I was becoming due to isolation has taught me to be aware of changes in my mood.  If I have negative feelings, and they persist, I will need to assess the reason why it is happening.  After all, it’s hard to help oneself if one is not aware of what is going on in one’s life.  The good thing is that I can be my own best friend if I just pay attention to how I am feeling.  It’s good advice and I intend to do just that!  It’s important to always remember that although loneliness can be devastating, there are things we can do to help ourselves.  We can seek help.  We can come up with a plan and follow it.  But first, we need to be aware.

I can’t remember exactly when I first had the experience of unintentionally making other people laugh at something I said or did.  But what I do remember is the feeling I got when it happened.  I was so excited that I was the cause of the laughter.  It was great!  What a fantastic thing it is to hear laughter for any reason.  But I made it happen!  Wow!

The peculiar thing about this is that I don’t think I am capable of  doing it any other way.  It just occurred to me, as I am writing, that maybe I inherited this from my dad.  He couldn’t tell a joke to save his soul, but he often made us laugh at the things he said or did.

That was a wonderful gift to him, as he was so happy to be the one that caused it.  I never realized that I also did this, till now.

Once in a while, I am able to remember a joke and tell it correctly.  But I never get the laughs like the unintentional ones.  It helps if I am being positive in a bad situation, which I try to do as much as possible.  It is at those times I will try to say something encouraging.  But fairly often, it has happened to be a funny or odd thing to say.  Whenever something is sad or challenging I want to make it better.  That’s when the words come tumbling out of my mouth.  Often, my intention is just to say something to break the mental tension that can permeate the room.  Laughter definitely does that.  And it adds the physical release that often accompanies the negative mental state one is experiencing.

The best thing, that I also learned from my dad, was just to be myself.  Maybe the more I don’t take myself too seriously, the more I become my truest self.  Who knew?  I sure didn’t.  Just writing about something, anything really, can inform me, about me.  And that’s a very good thing!  

A question I often ask myself is, “Why am I here?”  Now this is not something I say in despair or in any other negative connotation.  It is a prayer.  I am asking for guidance.  What should I concentrate on that will show me my purpose at this particular time.

Have you ever felt like you should be somewhere or do something, but can’t come up with the answer of exactly where or what it is?  Maybe it can be likened to a premonition that has not yet revealed itself.  The idea that something needs to be done, or an answer must be found to an important question will stick in my mind until I discover what it is.  But just being open to the answer is enough.  It will come.  I just need to be patient.    

I really think that maybe learning to be patient is  the most important part of the process of finding an answer.  Maybe it is the most important lesson to learn in life.  I also think that the answer to many of our questions and problems can be found in being fully present in the moment.  So many times I find that I am trying to do more than one thing at a time.  I know better, but I do it anyway.  It is a very difficult habit to break.

One thing I must remember is that I have to stop beating myself up over something I haven’t tried yet.  Another thing that is very difficult to learn is how to be patient with one’s self.  We are so often our own worst enemy.  A person must stop that behavior.  It is both ineffective and mean to oneself.  We all need to learn how to be our own best friend.

I must admit that I have been in this situation many times and have figured out what I needed to do in order to find an answer.  So the best thing may just be to trust ourselves and be patient.  Besides, when a person asks oneself “Why am I here?”, it is just an invitation to discover more of the many purposes we all have to offer.  And that is a very good thing.

The English language has so many weird and wonderful terms.  I marvel at its diversity.  With words derived from so many other languages, it makes it difficult for people to learn, if English is not their first language.  But as usual, I digress.  

Whenever I sit down to write, I scroll through my document : Blog topics.docx.  This is a 19-page list of possible titles. What am I writing about today, you may wonder.  Well, you see, I don’t really know, hence the name of my blog site is: random ramblings.co.  They are all randomly picked from my current list of 618 possible titles.  I have written over 400 in the last 7 years.

What I find fascinating is the fact that I do it, no matter what happens.  Even when I am ill, or incapacitated in some other way, I find a way to write my blog.  It may have been late a few times, but it was posted.

It has occurred to me that we all have something that we want to do, but may find it difficult to pursue.  But if one can take that first step, it can happen.  It is never too late to try something new.  

When it comes down to it, writing has always been something I have done.  But I never considered myself to be a writer.  Strange as it may seem, I never truly realized it until I wrote a book about how I survived the first year of grieving my son’s death in an auto accident.  

And then, I decided to self-publish it and it has helped people.  Boy, did that help me.  It made me so happy that people wanted to read it. and I could share my story.  It was cathartic and it was a way of sharing him and my experience of our relationship.

The fact that it could help others in their time of grief, was astonishing and I was so grateful.  I am still so grateful for that.  And the fact that people got to know something about him as well, made me so happy.

So now, I write about anything that pops into my mind and it is a different experience.  It makes me so happy to find that people want to read my random ramblings.  Who knew?  I didn’t, until I tried.

And so, here I am rambling again, as I often do in my life.  Sometimes, I don’t know how people can stand it when I am having a conversation.  Fortunately, I have wonderful friends who have learned to follow my ramblings in person and they still accept me and like me.

Wow!  I am so blessed!  And I am so grateful.  Thank you if you have read this rambling all the way through!  You are a very good person to do this.  It makes me happy and you have done a good deed today!

Recently, I was thinking about bedtime rituals.  I can think of them in terms of putting a baby to bed easier than for myself.  For me, in my life, I have never even considered myself to even have a bedtime ritual.  I say my prayers during the day much more than in the evening before going to bed.  I do say prayers each evening, a habit I have had all my life.  But it is not part of what I’d consider to be a ritual.

A ritual, in my mind, seems to be more than that.  As important as prayer is to me, I say prayers throughout the day and bedtime is only one of them.  I could definitely be wrong about this.

But, I remember specific bedtime rituals with my children.  It consisted of having a bath, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, a story, tucking them in, a kiss and a hug and maybe a song followed by saying, “Goodnight, sleep tight and sweet dreams.”  We all looked forward to this ritual.  I know I did.

As I have been thinking about this, I realize that rituals are actually a part of everyday life.  And this is not just at bedtime either.  The specific things we tend to do on a daily basis can be seen as rituals.  In fact, our lives are full of them.  Some people have specific ways of doing things that they consider the “right way” of doing things for all people, not just themselves. 

As I think about it a little more, rituals can be like a kind of “trademark” for a person.  We all have rituals.  We each have our way of doing different tasks.  We may not call them that, but they can be seen in that way.

As I get older, I enjoy the memory of bedtime rituals and other things we did as a family.  The things we did then and the ones we do now, create the memories that we will treasure for the rest of our lives.  Rituals are just a part of it.  And as they play a part in our lives now, they will live on in the memories of those we leave behind.