I have decided, that for me, the privilege of being a Grandma to my daughter’s children is a gift beyond measure.  Unfortunately, not everyone has the opportunity to have grandchildren. That makes it all the more precious to those of us who do.

I remember the day as clearly as it if it were yesterday, the moment my first granddaughter was born.  It inspired me to write a piece entitled, “Bliss.” For indeed, it was just that. Disbelief and joy erupted into an all-encompassing love, as I was able to be there in the same room only a foot away, and see her enter this world. The tears ran down my face as the anticipation became a reality. I literally glowed from the inside out at the sight of her, my namesake, my Lora.  Now she will be forever known as “little Lora,” even as she towers over me when she hugs and kisses me hello and goodbye.

I am blessed to have two more wonderful grandchildren, Michael and Arcadia (known as Cadi.) As wonderful as it was being a parent, grand-parenthood has many advantages. Your main job is just to love them.  It is not your responsibility to raise them. You can just enjoy them and be there for them.

My husband and I have never believed in spoiling them with too many things, because that is not what we wanted our relationship to be based on.  Besides, they got so much from other people, that it was not necessary. Sure, we would give them gifts,but often they were things they could use.  Instead, time together was the gift we chose to give them. And the experiences of going places together, playing games and just being together were more important to them.

The way I know that this is so, is that one Christmas, I decided to give them “coupons.”  The coupons, which I made on card stock on my computer and printer were for doing things together.  They had things written on them, such as go to the movies, stay overnight, go out to lunch, (my favorite thing to do,) and just “hang out.”  They had our phone number on them and they could call us and ask for one of the activities.

One year, I thought they had become too old for them, and after they had opened presents they just sat there and looked at me. “Where are our coupons?” they said.  I was so surprised and delighted to know how much those coupons had meant, and I promised to make some for them. It reminds me of something I read and have always believed.  I forget the exact wording but what it boils down to, is that what children really want is your presence much more than your presents. It is a lesson that works with adult relationships as well.  And I learned that by being a grandma.

According to Merriam-Webster~

Reconcile 1a: to restore to friendship or harmony

                   b: settle; resolve

Reconciliation is difficult.  People who fully understand this concept are not found in great numbers.  But it is important to recognize its necessity in our daily lives. Unreconciled differences in families are some of the worst kinds of heartache.  Resolution of our differences is essential to a harmonious life. And the conflicts we do not reconcile will spill into the rest of society. That’s why, I believe, that we have war.  It begins in broken relationships

I guess it is just part of being human.  But, so too, is the desire to truly connect with other human beings. Just as love can be nurtured and grown, so can hatred and resentment.  It is imperative to learn forgiveness and model it. Otherwise, how do we teach reconciliation to our children, if we do not know how to forgive one another?

All over the world, the news is dominated by negative stories.  Because of this, we do not get the hopeful, encouraging messages we sorely need in order to think positively.  This contributes to the general malaise that permeates our environment. Getting past all of these cynical influences is overwhelming and exhausting, even when one tries to overcome them. But, if we do not try, things will never improve enough to reverse the direction of the destructive tide that threatens to destroy us.

People do not have to agree all the time.  What we really need to learn, is how to agree to disagree and look for common ground.  Common ground leads to compromise. In turn, compromise encourages mutual respect. If we could accomplish that, there would be less need of reconciliation in the first place.  That should be a goal we all can strive to do. Unfortunately, once the rift has been firmly established, some semblance of reconciliation must happen before we begin to work together.

On a positive note, change can begin in an instant, if people want to try.  Open minds and hearts can only do good, not harm. It starts in each one of us.  If enough people come forward, ready to cooperate and search for common ground, the work of peacemaking will have begun.

I have always had a habit of taking the least resistant path, especially when driving in traffic. When I am going somewhere, before I leave, I make a map in my head of the route that will take me to my destination in the least restrictive way.  In other words, I always use underpasses and overpasses to avoid trains. Even if the other ways may be shorter, I prefer not to be caught in traffic just to possibly save a few minutes.  I always drive the way in which I can turn right instead of crossing left on a street with heavy traffic coming from both directions. And using traffic lights whenever possible is the best!  I know where I got this way of thinking. It came from my mother.

My mom and I are alike in many ways.  When I was young I always modeled myself after her. This has served me well, most of the time. Neither of us throw caution to the wind. Nor do we like conflict.  This can be a problem, however, because it is a part of life that everyone needs to deal with. I have no problem facing conflict if it is for someone else.  I have been known to be quite fierce when It comes to advocating for others. But for myself, not so much. If I really need help though, I call my daughter. She is a force to be reckoned with.  That’s no lie!

There are people who like to take the most difficult path.  I have to say, I just cannot relate to that way of thinking. I would like to understand, because I want to know what makes people tick.

Having said all this, there is another path of resistance that I do take quite seriously.  When we see injustice and inequality we must collectively take a path of strong resistance to those forces. For that is what is required to make us all free to choose our individual paths in life. To resist, or not to resist  is not a choice that is afforded to everyone. A quest that contributes to giving this choice to all people, is a noble one indeed.  What is your path? Why have you chosen it?  Just giving you something to think about on a Sunday afternoon.

There are substantial written sources that extol the benefits of touch in human interaction. However, upon thinking about this topic, the absence of touch struck me as perhaps a more significant area to study. I googled “the absence of touch,” and a slew of articles popped up.

Upon first sight, I was edified just by the titles of these sources and the ramifications of this phenomenon.  I was struck by the term,”skin hunger,”that appeared on the first page of articles. “What an thought-provoking phrase,” I said to myself. I decided to read the article. Also known as “touch hunger, ”lack of  platonic touch causes a myriad of problems that are not just physical, but also psychological, and emotional.”

In “Born for Love ,” Maia Szalavitz wrote “…  babies who are not held, nuzzled and hugged enough, will literally stop growing and – if the situation lasts long enough, even if they are receiving proper nutrition, die.”   We literally need touch in order to survive.

Especially, with regard to men, platonic touch is a minefield in which distrust is rampant and fear of judgement abounds.  How can a boy learn appropriate behavior when our culture shows us that most of the acceptable touch between males is often gotten through rough housing, or in sports.  Without appropriate modeling by the men in their lives, healthy, gentle touch cannot be easily learned. Touch has become so inappropriately attached to sexual motives, that often, even boys who would like to innocently reach out to someone for purely supportive reasons, can be negatively affected by the sexual shaming attached to touch.  The consequences of these societal influences are far-reaching and contribute to feelings of isolation. If gentle touch is out of bounds, where does this lead us?

In Psychology Today, Kory Floyd Ph.D. stated,“Loneliness among American adults has increased 16 percent in the last decade”  People living alone has increased dramatically, and the opportunity for gentle caring touch is so limited that  people can die in their own homes without being discovered for days, even weeks. In the elderly population, the sense of isolation has caused extreme depression.  My own experience as a performer in nursing homes has been that when I have reached out to a resident to shake their hand, I have had to finally break away after a time in order to reach out to others waiting their turn.The resident simply does not want to let go, and they hungrily cling to the touch of someone’s hand.  It goes without saying that those living in loneliness are not being touched enough, if at all.

I have not included all the many ways that lack of touch presents itself.  It would be impossible to do this in a blog. Until I began to read about this subject, I was unaware of the severity of this issue.  I am reminded of the lyrics in a Diana Ross hit, “Reach out and Touch Somebody’s Hand. Make this world a better place, if you can.” I think that we can and should look for opportunities to do this in our daily lives. How about you?

Let me explain what I mean when I say, “Live in the moment.”  It’s not that you should cast caution to the wind. Nor, do I believe it to mean that what one may be doing at any given time should not be interrupted by something more important that may happen suddenly.  Rather, it is to be fully present in one’s life, and not waste time ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.

It also means that when doing things, your attention to that particular task is of utmost importance. Similarly, when one is with other people, to “be there” in true sense of the words is essential to good communication. Nothing is more hurtful to someone who needs to talk about something important, than to have the other person tune in and out of the conversation.  It is both rude and inconsiderate. One need only think of the golden rule to see the import of this concept.

One of the things that has caused people to be distracted so much of the time, is that there are so many of them.  One just has to be out in public to see evidence of this. There is so much noise. It is difficult to find a quiet place to just “be.”  Luckily, one can still find peaceful surroundings in nature. Being out in the early morning to walk in a quiet environment, can bring solace in the constant clamor of our world.  It is a wonderful way to center oneself before the day gets into full swing. Meditating or praying in nature can deliver a bonanza of blessings to the beginning of one’s day.

For some of us, the concept of being in the the moment comes naturally.  I was fortunate to grow up with such a person in my life. Even so, I still find it hard to be this way, even though I want  to do so. Living in the moment may be difficult, but if you want your life to have more meaning, then cultivating it is a good idea. You can do it right now, in this very moment!