I have really come to love my “old lady” shoes.  It’s not just because they are comfortable. And it’s certainly not because they are stylish.  They aren’t. But these babies protect my feet and are sort of like an whole life insurance policy. If you wear them, (pay the premiums) they will give you a better life while you are still here, (the dividends).  And after you are gone your family will benefit from having had you around when you were healthy so you could leave them an inheritance, (good memories).

When I was younger, my appearance was far more important to me.  This was because I always wanted to leave a good impression. I really cared about looking presentable, and that meant decent clothes and of course, good shoes.

Since my Italian grandfather was a cobbler and did shoe repair, he was the expert we went to, who gave us his opinion on the shoes that we bought.  Thus began my love of shoes. I had many pairs of shoes. But I never spent a lot of money on them. I found that if I shopped often, I would find beautiful leather shoes that were barley, if ever worn, at thrift shops.  First off, I would check the bottoms of shoes and the backs of them. I think that some women would buy shoes, that were maybe a little bit tight, thinking they would stretch out. And if that didn’t happen, they just gave them away.  Therefore, I was the beneficiary of their mistaken judgement. I knew what to look for. And I never bought a pair that didn’t fit or feel comfortable right from the get go.

I think that is why I really didn’t go for the orthopedic styles.  Let’s face it. They really don’t draw attention to themselves. At least, not in a good way.  But now, I am far more concerned with how I come across to others. And that has nothing to do with your feet or how they are adorned.  I’d rather they look into my face and see that I am sincere and honest.

So, I must say that my “old lady” shoes have become some of my closest friends. And to think I may have never tried on a pair, had I not needed foot surgery. I must stress that the surgery had nothing to do with wearing shoes that weren’t good for my feet.  I am grateful for the fact that these, not so stylish, “old lady” shoes have a place in my closet. And they sure have a place of comfort in my heart.

I am suffering from immediate short term memory loss.  When something happens and you can’t recall what it was, or what you were thinking is it even considered memory?  It’s more like not being totally aware of what one is doing. That’s me right now, and I hope that it’s not permanent.  

I have also realized that I have lost the habit of jotting things down.  I used to have a fabulous memory, but I was also always jotting things down.  Maybe that is part of my disconnect. Either way, writing a list or just a few words in a small notebook that I could carry with me might help quite a bit.  I wonder how I lost that habit. I don’t even remember when it stopped being a habit.

Maybe “jotting it down” could become a part of my life again.  I could at least try to do it. It is really discouraging when I am telling a story to my granddaughter and I forget where I was going with it.  Jotting it down wouldn’t work in that situation though. Dang!

I used to be able to make a mental list of things to do while I was exercising and could hold up to 13 things in my head until I was finished and could write them down.  Now I have trouble remembering 2 to 3 things in my head at a time.

Perhaps jotting it down would be a beginning of a plan to improve even a tiny bit of my memory.  I’d like to think that it is possible to do this. I guess I won’t know until I give it a try.

Later~

I have been jotting a few things down now.  But I still forget to do it. Habits take time to form, though.  I think I will have to forgive myself for that. It’s going to be difficult to remember to do it, until it just seems like a natural, normal thing for me to do.  I’m getting older and I don’t have time to waste if it’s going to do me any good. I thank you for reading this far as it might be boring for those of you who don’t have this problem.  Wish me luck! I’m going to need it!

Sometimes I find myself feeling “blah” about something when I could just as easily turn things around in my mind and be grateful for something else.  We live in a negative environment where bad news outweighs the good a lot of the time. But there is always a different way of looking at a situation, if one wants to do that.  I’ve decided that I want to try. My attitude begins and ends with me, right?

You’ve heard it said that “attitude is everything,” haven’t you?  I forget that sometimes. And it’s not in my best interest. I need to stop it, now!  I need to “turn things around” in my head. I need an attitude adjustment.

The other day, for instance, I was thinking of doing something with a friend and they were unavailable.  I started to feel a bit “down” and my mood was sinking. So I thought, “Why not write a blog? Maybe it will make you feel better.”  I am happy to report that indeed, it did improve my mood. Just like that, I felt better.

It makes me realize that whatever happens, not just little things like the other day, we always have a choice to make. Even when there are situations beyond our control, no one has control of your attitude but you.  It’s important to remember this. You can always “turn things around” in your mind.

This is the reason some people are able to survive terrible tragedies and still be able to find joy in their lives.  That doesn’t mean that they suffer any less. But recovery is possible and can be very successful. Sometimes, tragedy is the catalyst for greater appreciation of life, an opportunity for positive growth and more satisfaction in the little things that we otherwise would have just taken for granted.

Well now, I think I was just able to “turn things around” for myself.  What do you know? I think that I may have made a personal discovery.  Maybe just being able to share a random rambling was the attitude adjustment that was needed today.  Thanks for reading. It really makes a difference.

Sunday~

In trying to find a topic that I wanted to write about, I discovered that nothing on my list of topics “moved me,” so to speak.  And so I am writing “off the top of my head” today. In fact, have no idea what I am doing.

Let me begin by saying that I have composed a list of over 200-250 topics, which I keep adding to whenever something “grabs me.”  Generally, I find one or two on the list that I’d like to write about. Not so, today. So, here goes.

Today is a typical Sunday.  I woke up, ate breakfast, went to church, and led the singing.  I came home and ruminated about the blog that I hadn’t written. This disturbs me, because I don’t like to procrastinate . . . . . . . .( Obviously I did.)

Monday~

Well, I found a different topic for last Sunday’s blog.  So, this week, I have decided to write about the process of writing, according to my experience.  It has amazed me that I began to start writing, in earnest, some years ago. I had never really considered myself a writer per se.  I mean, I was an avid letter writer, (when people did those things), wrote letters to the editor and even articles once in a while. I am a singer and I have written songs most of my life.  But I never thought of myself as a “writer.” And then, after a tragedy, I wrote a book. All the while, writing my book, I never considered myself a writer. I was processing the death of my son and it became a book about surviving the first year.

I realize now, that I have always enjoyed writing and why I never saw the fact that I was a writer still flabbergasts me.  I think it has something to do with being taught by nuns as a child. They always seemed to make it impossible for one to feel good about oneself for doing anything well.

It was as if it might lead to being proud of oneself and that would be a show of conceit.  (Gasp!) And so, good self-esteem was hard to come by. This was my experience, not necessarily my classmates.

Isn’t it funny, how we all have certain feelings about ourselves as we are growing up, never knowing how our peers feel about similar things.  I think that if we could share our experiences in a non-threatening environment, we all would benefit from it.
I really wonder what a person reading this will think.  Today, this is “officially” a random rambling.  I hope it doesn’t disappoint too much.  Next week will be different. I hope that you will continue to read my blog.  Thanks, in advance.

Caring is an important part of the psyche of a decent human being.  As I become older, I am realizing the importance of self-care. If we don’t pay attention to our own necessities, the way in which we treat other people is altered.  Our ability to help the ones we love and care about is diminished if we ignore these things.

When we take care of ourselves, we are able to do more of what is helpful, and less of what doesn’t work.  That is because we are able to think more clearly when we are feeling well. Sometimes, doing the wisest thing in a situation requires a lot of thought and very clear thinking.  If we are not doing well ourselves, we can not do well for others either. This just makes sense.

To me, the hardest part about caring for others, is when there are too many emotions to deal with.  Sometimes, people don’t want your help even when they are close to you. The way we feel can be too much, or too little for the person to bear.  Only the person who is being cared for can determine the validity of our intentions. I guess we just have to do the best we can and hope for the best.

Besides caring about people, we can care about things too.  I believe that it is good to take care of the things we have.  But, I also think that people and other living creatures are more important than any of them could possibly be.  This is where you can see the importance of caring in the psyche of a person. If things become more important than human beings, a person can become morally bankrupt.  In my opinion, this is a major factor in the needless suffering of people. Caring too much about money is one of those things that contributes to the extreme inequality of wealth throughout the world.  

What a person chooses to care about is an integral part of a person’s character.  A major factor in our evolution as human beings determines what kind of world we live in both now and in the future.  What we care about will be at the heart of that evolution. Choose well.