Memories and things to remember are two very different things.  Memories are tucked away in one’s mind, both good and bad, that are a part of our personal history.  On the other hand, things to remember are in the here and now for the most part. These are in the present and future.

Memories have the power to bring you back to a moment in time.  That moment could be one of joy, fear, pride or humiliation. It could bring back those and other emotions, along with the events that happened.  These memories could be recent or from a very long time ago. Most of our memories will bear some significance in our lives.

Things to do can be more like a laundry list of what needs to be done and by when.  They could be places to go, times and dates that need to be remembered in the future.  Maybe they can even just be the list you need to make before going to the grocery store. The errands that must be done and when they need to be done are part of this category.

Calendars are often needed to remember these things.  They can be quite mundane or extremely important. For instance, they can be things that need to be done eventually, with no time limit or due date.  Or, they can have commitments of great importance, like wedding plans, anniversaries and funeral arrangements.  They can be something to look forward to doing or something one dreads.

Both memories and things to remember are part of our daily lives.  We choose to do or not do some of them. Many, cannot be avoided. Memories can creep into our minds without our knowing what provoked them to come.  They hold great importance because each of them are remembered for a reason even if we don’t know exactly what that reason may be.

Things to do, on the other hand, are not quite the same.  They are either memories in the making or things that just need to be done.  Both are a necessary part of our daily lives. The things to do just keep changing and follow us around like puppies.  The memories keep track of the past in ways we will not always understand. But, we will refer to them all of the rest of our lives.  They are our history. They are our life, nestled in our hearts and minds forever.

When I was a child, my only definition for the word energy was what my mom referred to as having “pep.”  I wonder how many kids today would ever use that word? Not many, I would think.

There are so many other meanings attached to this word.  We use the term energy in phrases like “energy-efficient,” “energy-saving,” an “energy drain.”  Other terms, such as: electricity, natural gas, solar, nuclear, wind and water power, all sources of heat and cooling, are the types we use in our daily lives.

But, our personal energy, our “pep,” so to speak, has many forms also.  We have energy that is physical, mental and emotional. Adjectives, such as draining and invigorating, can be used to describe them.  Sometimes, sitting and waiting, trying to face the unknown, can require more energy than anything physical. It is important to always be aware of where we put this commodity.  We each may use it to affect good or bad outcomes. And if we are not aware, someone can zap it from us.

Energy can be part of one’s personality.  Optimism is considered energetic, even if one is physically unable to move.  One can exude energy from a wheelchair. One’s mind can be the source of that power.  In fact, I think that most of our personal energy resides in our minds.

There are times when I sit and marvel at what one word can provide as a tool to describe and name so many other things. Energy is one such word. It is a source of conflict in our world.  The rights to use energy resources has caused untold disputes, some even leading to wars. How we deal with energy can be the cause of life or death.

In closing, I would like to say that we need all kinds of energy to live.  It is up to us to find enough of this power that we need, to get through, and live to the fullest.

Since my father died, I’ve had a hole inside of me.

A grief I could not hide for one who used to guide me.

A yearning for the touch of his hand, the smile on his face,

That could erase all my fears.

To realize that never again

Could I call on him to share my laughter and tears.

And when I think of him, I remember all the things he did for me,

The way he loved me,

And how his love set me free.

Time, I think of time, in terms that have no rhyme for me.

And when I feel sublime, a sadness tries to climb me.

I struggle and I pray to my God to give me the faith I need to quell all my fears.

From heaven Dad is watching me now,

And I count on him to whisper prayers in God’s ears.

And when I think of him, I remember all the things he did for me,

The way he loved me,

And how his love set me free

Things are better now.

Time’s passage has empowered me.

God’s graces do endow a healing that allows me

His memory still fresh in my mind, it lives in my heart,

It makes me laugh through my tears.

I found that there was growth through the pain

And strength for the journey of my faith these past years.

And when I think of him, I remember all the things he did for me,

The way he loved me,

And how his love set me free.

And how his love set me free.

ⓒ 1994 Lora Marie Wade

I have come to believe that almost everything a person says or does is expressed from the inside out.  What I mean is, that whether a person is aware of it or not, one always has intention or motive that moves each action.  Most of what we say or do, does not happen by accident. We are sentient beings. How we feel inside will show on the outside.

Even when we hide our feelings, there are usually tell-tale signs of the true purpose of what we are choosing to do.  That’s why physically beautiful people can be tainted by ugly thoughts. These inner intentions may come out in subtle ways, but one can see it’s true value from the way that person can affect another one’s reaction to something done or said.

An example of this, is the way one expresses oneself verbally.  The words that are spoken can be sweet as sugar, but if the tone of the voice is condescending or sarcastic, the target of the interaction will be one of humiliation or mortification.  Bullying, whether verbal or physical, is a true indication of the result of what happens from the inside out.

Maya Angelou wrote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Even if the words and actions of people are remembered, the way they made you feel with always be with you in a more significant way.  People will remember bad feelings they suffered as children and can even carry those hurtful words or actions for the rest of their lives.

Therefore, if we want to live a good life and be a person who is kind and caring, it is important to realize that the intentions we hold inside are the true measure of who we really are.  Keeping good intentions then, is to keep in mind that whatever we say or do, the value of those actions will be felt from the inside out to the other human beings around us. Remember the golden rule and “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” 

Have you ever witnessed a person employ a pregnant pause?  When this happens, you may begin to try and interpret what this break in the conversation could mean. But that will not usually be the best time to think about it. If you don’t hear the whole statement that is being conveyed, you could miss other clues to the meaning.

We, being human beings, often jump to conclusions when we are in a conversation. We are not good at listening. This can lead to hastily made opinions. And that does not facilitate good communication.  Just because a person has to pause, doesn’t mean there is a reason to question the motive.

Now we are getting to the reason I am writing this.  There are some obvious deductions one might be inclined to believe, such as, the person is afraid to say the wrong thing.  Or maybe one could just be struggling to find the right words to convey the intention of the remark. These days, as I am losing my short-term memory, I can easily stop in the middle of a sentence simply because I forgot what I was talking about.  These are only three possibilities for a pregnant pause.

Another possibility is when someone pauses because he was just about to spoil a surprise and caught himself just in time.  Or a person could realize that what she was about to say was purely gossip, and thinking better of it, stopped herself, not wanting to pass it on.  And, particularly when a person is really kind and thoughtful, the words must be chosen so carefully that a pause is warranted.

Regardless of the reason why a pregnant pause is utilized, I tend to believe that most of the time it is not meant to be perceived negatively.  Far too often, we can question the motives of other people. This is especially true when people feel uncertain of themselves or feel that they are being judged.  In my humble opinion, most of the time we should give other people the benefit of the doubt. That is the way I want to be treated and I suspect that, more often than not, other people do as well.