I have had this two-word phrase in my mind many times.  Living deliberately is something to aspire to in this fast-moving culture we live in.  Oftentimes, I imagine myself living in my mother’s generation. Growing up in the 1930’s and 1940’s, people lived a less complicated life and it was easier to live in the moment.  They didn’t have constant outside stimulation to interfere and infiltrate their every move.

Electronics and devices didn’t exist.  Most people had one radio in the family.  When people first got telephones, it was on a party-line. Wealthy people were the only ones who had a car.  Television became available after World War II, but not everyone had one. My folks bought their first TV in the early 50’s.  Many people were poor. But they were rich in experiences and had close relationships with neighbors and in their communities.  Comradery was real. Because of all these things, it was natural to “make your own fun,” as my mother would say. In this scenario, living deliberately was a natural occurrence. It just happened.  It was life, pure and simple.

Today, living deliberately is almost counter-culture.  Our culture seeks to distract, sell, encourage consumerism and brainwash us with the message that we need things and money to have a “good life.”  Even when we “retire,” we find ourselves busier than ever. We don’t have neighborhoods where we know people the people that live on our street. We don’t have a community built into our neighborhoods. 

So much of this is understandable.  But I think we’ve lost much of the desire to live deliberately.  We need to create an environment where this is possible. We need to ditch the electronics  other distractions, at least part of the time. There are many wonderful inventions and innovations to make life easier, but do they always?  Or, do we just find different things with which to busy ourselves?

I have come to crave silence, because it allows me to think or not think.  I can pray or meditate and maybe find the answer to exactly what I want to do, and then do it, deliberately.  To be fully “in the moment” and just be where I am, fully conscious of the “now” I am in.  That’s living deliberately. To me, that is a more genuine life. That is what we can choose to do, if we want to, and not be vulnerable to the winds of change.  If we’d like to, we can decide for ourselves what we want to do and do it in our own time and our own way, by living deliberately.

Sometimes, people confuse the terms, empathy and sympathy.  They are not the same in some very significant ways. The easiest way to differentiate these words is to remember that sympathy means to feel for someone, while empathy means to feel with someone.  The difference is very important to realize and understand, because one can feel like pity, while the other is more like creating solidarity with a person.

A person can sympathize with someone and walk away, never having shared the burden in any way.  This is not terrible, it is just a different emotion. Empathy however, is “being there” with the person as they experience their grief, or sadness or worry just to listen, or sit silently in that space they are in. Both are showing kindness, but empathy is a profound presence.

I am always talking and writing and reading about the need for more empathy in this world.  I truly believe that many of our differences could be understood, or at least tolerated better, if people would be willing to take turns talking and listening.  If the goal were just to be willing to try, that would be a start. It would be a learning experience for everyone.

One thing each of us can do, is to be there for our loved ones and learn to grow empathy in ourselves.  One on one, person to person, understanding others can enlarge our individual experiences. Then, taking small steps that put us outside of our comfort zone can become easier.  Little by little, things can change. But big change requires many small steps to convert wariness into courage. It takes courage to care on a deep level. 

If one has trouble with empathy, sympathy might be a beginning path for one who wishes to learn how to empathize.  That would be a wonderful way to begin the journey. The more we grow in caring for our fellow human beings, the kinder our world becomes.  These are the things that matter in the end.   Empathy and sympathy are not the same, but both are necessary to make our world a more compassionate place to live.

It’s really important to apologize when we make mistakes.  It is a sign of strength and maturity, not weakness. Unfortunately, there are people who think that acknowledging their mistakes is weakness, and then do not take responsibility for their actions.  In doing this, it makes the person who is affected by the mistake, feel worse.  

I think that it is a sign of immaturity when one is not able to admit wrongdoing.  Everyone, yes everyone, makes mistakes. It is impossible to go through life without doing so.  Neither should we be afraid of making mistakes. That is how we learn. That is how we grow.

But, when we make mistakes that affect other people, it is imperative that an apology must be made.  By not apologizing, a person is, in fact, insulting the person who has been wronged. This is what is referred to as “adding insult to injury.”

I was born into a family where I felt the full impact of an apology.  One day, my dad must have done something that he felt the need to apologize for.  I don’t remember any of the details, but my memory of him coming to my room to apologize has stayed with me all these years.  The fact that he was secure enough to show humility and apologize to a child, made me respect and love him even more than I already did.  This was a lesson to me. This was the way I should behave. And I have followed his guidance throughout my life.

This is not to say that have been perfect in this regard.  There have no doubt been times when I did not realize the impact my actions might have had on someone.  But I have tried to never purposely withhold my admission of fault. I hope that this has not happened very often.

Suffice it to say that I believe that if we all were willing to humble ourselves to say we are sorry for our mistakes, the world would be a kinder place to more people.  And that would be a wonderful thing to be a part of in this place we all call home.

Sometimes, I forget that every day I live, could be my last.  If I daily remember to consider this truth, I live more deliberately and therefore, realize the importance of my actions.  Did I start my day with prayer? Was I kind enough? Did I look for opportunities to be there for my family and friends? Was I a good neighbor (defined as those I may come across during my day)?  

If I start my day fully aware of the fact that I might die, then each moment can be appreciated for what it is, a gift.  If I do my daily tasks with joy, as much as is possible, I will be living the way I believe I should. Even when I fall short, if I have done my best at that particular time and place, I can sleep peacefully.

Now, the only thing that any of us know for sure is that we all will die someday.  How we live begins to have more meaning if we remember this. Feelings are good indicators of right and wrong.  If I should feel sad, it just may be the right way to feel at that particular time and place. The same goes for feeling joy, guilt, or any other feeling.  Denying feelings is not helpful because it is not being authentic. You can hide feelings from yourself, but it serves no useful purpose. It complicates things in already complicated world.   

That brings me to today, right now, in this moment.  If I can feel like I am on the right track in a situation, I probably am. If I act contrary to that, I may be acting in bad faith.  Either way, the decision is mine. And each day requires many small decisions to be made, maybe even some big ones too. As long as I keep my mortality in mind, hopefully my final moments will be loving and kind so that I may leave a positive legacy for my children and grandchildren.  That is my sincere desire even if today should be my last.

Why are human beings often not open to change in their lives?  Why do we get stuck in our ideas and behaviors even when they don’t serve us well?  I am sure there are many answers to these questions. But, I don’t believe that it would be worth our time and energy to pursue them.  Just recognizing these things as problems, or rather impediments, can be enough to see the advantages of being open to change in one’s life.

Of course, not everything should be changed  And change for the sake of it is not a good idea.  But being open is the best approach in finding improvements in our own lives.  It’s the way we evolve as human beings. And there are so many things that can be improved if only we are open to the possibilities.  Being open is being ready.

With all of the problems in the world, we often choose to focus on the big things that are wrong.  With that, comes discouragement, because we need each other to solve those issues. Being open to change starts within each person.

When like-minded people come together to work for good, they can become a force for positive change.  Actions, such as helping those in need of basic necessities are what I am talking about.

Being open to change in our individual lives, can significantly affect others in a quest for a more caring, peaceful world.  Positive actions of some of the people can be an example for others who are open to change. Together, people have created movements that have changed the course of history, both good and evil.  If we work for positive outcomes, we can succeed if it is in the best interest of all of us.

I know, here I go being all Pollyannaish, but I think someone has to do it.  We all have so much in common. Yet, we tend to focus on our differences. This is human nature, I guess.  But, it is also human nature to want to connect with other human beings.

This is just me, Lora Marie, with a random rambling to share.  Please forgive me if I ramble on and on. I thank you for reading thus far.  You are the best!