Belonging is the first experience of human beings.  Even at birth, a child belongs to his or her mother.  It is the first and most essential part of entering the world.  Children, in the first moments of life are inextricably connected to their mother’s womb by the umbilical cord. This is true, as nature intended.

Whatever happens next, is the essential part of belonging that carries us through life.  If our mother dies in childbirth, or is separated from us early in life, it is vitally important to bond with another human being who will love and guide us.  That is the very first encounter in a newborn’s life and it can influence the baby’s ability to connect with other people as he or she grows up.

If children do not receive this attention naturally with their parents, another person must be there to step in and satisfy the innate, deep need for belonging.  It is one of the reasons that mother’s are encouraged to have skin to skin contact bonding directly after birth.  In addition to the emotional benefits, there are many physical advantages as well.

Some of these according to Sanford Health are, just for baby:

• Better able to absorb and digest nutrients
• Better body temperature maintenance
• Cries less often
• Demonstrate improved weight gain
• Experience more stable heartbeat and breathing
• Higher blood oxygen levels
• Long-term benefits, such as improved brain development and function as well as parental attachment
• More successful at breastfeeding immediately after birth
• Spend increased time in the very important deep sleep and quiet alert states
• Thermoregulation
• Stronger immune systems

And the bonding benefits for mothers are equally important.  These are significant factors that illustrate the magnitude of belonging from the beginning of life.  If we do not have this bonding in the earliest part of our existence, then the experience of belonging is thwarted.  

There are many negative consequences to a person feeling like they do not belong.  That is why I believe it is a worthy goal of society to provide as many opportunities for others that do not have this sense of belonging in their lives to connect with others.  Feeling like you don’t belong is a lonely existence.  I believe it is important to be welcoming to other people.  It can make a difference to people who do not feel that they belong.  And I believe that is reason enough to do it, because like it or not, we are all in this together.

I can’t remember how “finding gold in the mud” became a topic on my blog list.  So as I was ready to begin a new piece for my site, I thought, “That sounds interesting.”  And so I chose it for today’s offering.  Finding gold in the mud.  Hmm.  I began to look for the meaning in that phrase.  

I decided to look it up.  Turns out, that is where a lot of gold is actually found when people are prospecting.  So what am I looking for?  What do I want to find? I think that what it means to me, is that in any messy or confusing situation I may find myself in, there is always a nugget of something good attached.  It could be a lesson I need to learn.  Instead of wallowing in a muddy mindset, it can be a time to delve into a deeper quest.  Sometimes we are meant to discover a lesson that needs to be learned in our lives.  But first a person must see the value of this type of lesson.

As it turns out, many people are not even interested in this concept.  That’s okay.  Each person is on a different path, with a different starting point and a different ending.  Each path is decided by many unseen factors.  No one should judge anyone else, just because their point of view is different than yours.  There are many ways to live a life.

Maybe the reason this topic got on the list is because I am a person who is always searching for the meaning behind ordinary events.  I am not sure why I feel this way, but it seems to be something in my nature.  Therefore, this is just another of my random thoughts that appear in my mind and cause me to ramble on about them.  Finding gold in the mud.  Hmm.  I think I will continue this quest in private.  Bet you’re glad to hear it.

When a young person is growing up, having someone to look up to, is really important.  Without a good role model or models, it is much harder to make good decisions.  Young people feel more valued as a person and are empowered by the adults who teach them how to make good choices.  This is of utmost importance especially when the home environment doesn’t provide the guidance a child needs while growing up.

Unfortunately, there are many children growing up in strained situations and don’t have consistency at home.  This often means that a child needs more than good teachers and other professionals to help them.  A person needs consistent guidance and a caring individual outside the family in those circumstances.  Big Brothers and Big Sisters are examples of organizations that can provide this assistance in molding a young person’s character.

Ideally, there is a family member who can provide emotional support to a kid in need.  A child’s life can be tremendously enriched by an older adult even if they are only distantly related.

I had parents that were wonderful role models, but I benefited from other adults in my life who supported me in many various ways.  I was extremely blessed to be in such a situation.  Sadly, this is not true for all children for a wide variety of reasons.

It would be so good for our society as a whole to provide opportunities for all children to have at least one person that they could look up to.  Many of the problems we have in our world would be greatly diminished if this were true.

In my opinion, adults should see that all children are not only in need of, but worthy of our help.  Having someone to look up to can be an antidote to children who have no one to turn to.  Being such a role model is both needed and satisfying to the person that can involve him or herself in molding someone’s life in a positive way.  It is one of the most loving things a person can do for another.  It is a profound act of love in the world, to be there for another person, to be someone to look up to.

I have always found that writing thank-you letters is very important.  It is an appropriate response when a person or persons have given their time and/or treasure to give you a gift or do something for you, a letter or special card is such an easy thing to do.

Over the years, I have noticed that writing thank-yous is not considered valuable to many people.  But if another person gives to you, gratitude should be a natural response. I think that adults should teach their children to do this from a very early age.

Let me explain why I think this is so very powerful.  As with letter-writing, gratitude becomes a  tangible thing.  It is something that can be touched.  And when saved by the receiver, it is an object that can be enjoyed again and again.  This is especially true of thank-yous written by children. 

When a person comes across this one little item, it can elicit a memory that transports one back in time to the relationship you had when that young person wrote it.  You may even see that

little person, now grown up, in your mind’s eye and smile at that very place and time when you opened it.

These thank-yous are part of the history of a relationship, a tiny piece of evidence of what once was.  In this time of virtual reality, many things are no longer memorable.  Even a picture, which used to be an object one can touch and share, is now just one of many in our phones that can’t necessarily even be found when one wants to do this.

To me, this is a tragedy.  Memories are more powerful when they can be touched.  Thank you notes are evidence of this.  And for that, I am truly grateful, especially as I grow older.  So let us save this evidence of our special moments. Then our children may discover the joy of finding the memories we leave behind.

When a person experiences precious moments, it’s important to remember them.  They are a gift beyond measure because they have the power to transform the way we respond to the difficulties we experience later on.  A memory can appear and in an instant can take your mind and heart back to that moment to be enjoyed yet again.  This is important, because it may be exactly what you need to heal from a difficult time in your life. 

I have been blessed to have had precious moments with most of my family and friends.  And each time I think of a special memory, and appreciate it once again, it makes me happy.  This can happen again and again, especially when expressed with the person who shared that experience.  What a gift it is!

When someone close to us dies, the sorrow can overcome us.  But if one concentrates on the precious moments spent together, it can soften the blow.  I try to always remember that the love between me and the ones I have loved never ends.  The sad feelings we have don’t need to be squashed but received and appreciated for the value they have.  By working through those sad feelings and remembering the good things, we can put ourselves on the path to healing.

I am thinking of the many precious moments spent with my mom, because she is not here in person to talk about it. We can no longer laugh or cry face to face, as we used to do.  We can’t see through the veil that separates us now.  Still, I can remember and feel those feelings once again, even though it is different now.  By the grace of God, I will be able to share the memories of those precious moments with my mom and dad and son in a more tangible way.  I believe it can and will happen.  I just need to relish each of my precious moments as they happen and share them with the people while I am alive and well.  And then, I will share them with the ones who have passed before me when I join them once again.  And I will always remember those precious moments and realize them for the gift that they are.  For gifts must be treasured here and now to fully appreciate those precious moments of our lives.