I have always seen the value of counseling in my life.  There are many reasons for this.  One of the most important things is being able to have a person who knows how to actively listen.  Active listening is a skill that counselors must have in order to truly understand their clients.  I know what active listening is because my mother was gifted at this skill.  She was not trained to do this.  It was a part of her.  It is such a comfort to know that you are heard.

The value of a good counselor is inestimable.  Without the ability to actively listen, one should never go into counseling.  Being heard is the first and most important step on the road to healing.  Sometimes, not being heard or understood by the people one is closest to, is what causes a person to need counseling in the first place.  But there are also issues that are so personal, that outside counseling is necessary for healing.

Depression can be relieved and lessened by medications combined with counseling.  Medications alone cannot solve many of the reasons for depression and other calamities.  One may have people in their lives who can listen actively, (like my mother could for me) but if guidance and direction is needed, a trained counselor can help you find the answers.

I believe in getting counseling for the situations in my life which bring heartache and sorrow that is too much for family or friends to share with me.  The most valuable skill that a counselor needs, besides active listening, is asking the right questions that will lead a person to find their own solution to the problem at hand.  If the counselor you have doesn’t possess this quality it is a good reason to find another counselor.

That is often a difficult thing to do.  You need to be dealing with the kind of person that is more concerned about your needs and not be offended, but instead want to help you find the right one for you.  I have had different counselors throughout my life and only one of them was a bad fit.  In my opinion, if you don’t have good rapport and mutual respect with your counselor, or they don’t have enough life experience to help you, it is pointless to continue with them.

I guess, it all boils down to what you are in need of in order to heal.  I have been blessed to have the right person at the right time who helped me solve my own problems.  Good counseling with someone you can connect with is truly amazing.  It can help you find the solutions to your problems.  And that is a very good thing.

If you love someone, tell them.  Don’t let time go by and find that you lost your chance to communicate such an important message.  Even if you are afraid that it will embarrass them, do it.  You don’t even have to do it face-to-face.  Write it in a letter or send a card that expresses how you feel.

There have only been a few instances that I missed my chance to express my feelings.  And they were devastating.  It wasn’t even with people I was close to, but with people I admired and did not take the time to tell them about the way they were with people and how I was affected by their actions.  These are not little things.  I know how it feels to receive messages like this and it is such a wonderful gift when it happens.

But with the people we are close to in our lives, it is important.  It is an opportunity to deepen a bond you have with another person.  I have been married almost 50 years, and whenever I receive a compliment from my husband, it still fills me with joy.  It makes me feel special.  It makes me feel especially loved.

One thing I have learned is that we never know when we will miss the chance to communicate with another person again.  If you admire someone, or are impressed by a person’s actions, even if you don’t know them, tell them.  It matters.  It brings good into the world, even if it is just a tiny corner of it.

But if it is someone in your family or one of your friends, I think it is essential.  Regardless of whether it is someone you know and love, or even a complete stranger, do it.  Say something good or do some small thing that shows appreciation.  If you don’t, it becomes a missed opportunity.  And that is a crying shame.

But, most importantly, with your family and friends, don’t miss the chance to tell them and show them that you love them.  If 

you don’t, and something happens to prevent you from doing so, it can become a terrible, unnecessary burden to bear.  If you love someone, please just tell them.  You will be glad you did.

Do you ever wish you had a turn-off switch for your mind?  I do.  Whenever I am worried about the outcome of something, or anything really, it can take over my thoughts and relentlessly talk to me.  I have tried, with some success, to quiet my mind by breathing more slowly and deliberately.  And sometimes it works.

However, worry is a powerful emotion once it gets going.  And it is really difficult to get rid of once it takes residence in a person’s mind.  So, what can a person do?  That’s the question.

One thing that works some of the time is distraction.  Think of something that makes you happy.  Concentrate on counting your blessings.  Those things can work for the small worries.  Praying helps me in most situations, but not always.  It can be extremely difficult to do anything once panic hits a nerve and sets in.  

Panic is THE enemy.  Emotions are powerful triggers for so many things.  Being positive is always a good idea, but it’s the least likely attitude to take on, once panic sets in.  

The only thing that works most of the time for me, is when I think of people who have it so much worse than I do.  And then, if I can find some small thing to do that helps any other person, I do it.  There are always opportunities to do something for another person.  And it takes your mind off whatever is bothering you, even if it is just a short time.

The more I think about it, I realize that even thinking about the possibility of different scenarios puts me in a privileged position. When I am busy thinking about these things, I am not in physical danger.  I am just letting myself ruminate.  Unfortunately, I still wish I had a turn-off switch for my mind.

Recently, a dear friend of mine died.  We had known each other since 1st grade, but had not been close friends at that time.  And then, a group of grade school friends started meeting after many years had passed.  We had some in the group who had always been close friends and others we didn’t know as well.  But we’d had the experience of being together in the same class of students for eight years.  That’s a history we all shared and we had so many memories of the teachers and the things that happened in those classrooms.  We had so much fun remembering and laughing.

The fact that we were able to meet and reminisce was a joy and a gift to each of us.  Because of our age and our retirements, we were able to meet easier than we ever would have before this time of our lives.  And so, we continued to meet more regularly and every one of us looked forward to each time we met. 

She and I were in this group together.  Since we had not been close friends as children, we had come together and became close because we were both grieving.  The shared experience of grade school brought us together.  The experience of deep loss drew us closer.

We were both extroverts and needed to be around people.  We did so many things together in that last year of her life.  We loved each other very much.  I miss her terribly.  We shared our losses, comforted each other and laughed a lot.  She was particularly fierce with me when I had been avoiding going to the doctor for help with my depression.  She was like a drill sergeant and wouldn’t let up.  So I went, and the process of my healing began to improve.  I had never been reluctant to go for help in the past, but at this time of my life I was, and she was there to help me get past it.

Now, she is reunited with her husband and family in heaven.  I think of her and pray for her everyday.  I hope she is doing the same for me.  I think she is.  My mood and attitude continue to lift as the days go by.  And I am so grateful.

Always apologize if you hurt someone’s feelings, even if you didn’t mean to or were unaware of it happening.  If you find out that something you said or did made a person embarrassed or hurt or sad, it doesn’t matter what you think happened.  If you want to be a good person, think of the “golden rule.”  “Do unto others . . .” is always going to be a good guide for a compassionate response.

I repeat, it doesn’t matter what you think you did, or what happened.  Having to be “right” or think you are right, without regard to another person’s perception or feelings isn’t a good quality in a person.  Instead, it smacks of conceit.  If that is your intent, you should probably stop reading this blog.

Sometimes, we are not aware of what we have done to hurt someone, and that can’t be helped.  But if one is sensitive and looks at another person’s body language, one can sometimes see or feel what has happened.  In any event, be the person who errs on the side of kindness and a concern for others.

I have had the experience of unwittingly saying something that made a person feel sad.  I had no idea about something that happened to that person which caused them to become upset.  I had to apologize when I saw the effect of my words, even though I didn’t know what caused such a painful reaction.  And the apology had a way of easing the other person’s distress.  Intention is key to how another person feels.  Doing something hurtful, without understanding why is understandable.  And should you find out, long after time has passed, remember there is no statute of limitation on an apology.

I am sure that this type of situation must have occurred at other times in my life as well.  Sometimes, there is no visible clue that a person’s feelings were hurt.  That makes me feel sad.  But such things can’t be helped.  All I know for sure is that erring on the side of concern and kindness is what a person can do to try and make a person feel better.  I guess it all boils down to intention.  And that matters, if you want to be the best version of yourself.  It’s a worthy goal for every one of us.