I remember hearing it said that after surviving a great loss, a person can become bitter or better.  It struck me, after I lost my son, that this was my choice to make. I had witnessed other people become bitter after a tragic loss and I didn’t want that to happen to me.  So I immersed myself in the grief that enveloped me. I knew that I would never “get over” it. But I felt that if I went “through” it, I would be able to eventually make peace with this tragedy and his death.

So this is what I set out to do.  I would not be bitter, but I would try to become a better person.  And I think, after a lot of time has passed, that this is true. I don’t mean that I am perfect or wonderful, but a better person than I was before.

Maybe being bitter or better can be applied to other major challenges in our lives.  I think so. Being there for another person when they are experiencing grief of any kind, is an action that makes a person grow in compassion.  

Sometimes, approaching another person when they are belligerent and unpleasant, just to listen to what they have to say, can cause a change of mood.  It can, perhaps, be an example of giving emotional support to one who has been treated badly. Providing an accepting presence can give a troubled person a chance to see themselves in a better light.  One never knows what a dramatic impact kindness can bring to another person.

One day, I had the chance to approach an angry young man when he was sitting alone.  I tried to identify with him, even though his behavior was mean most of the time. I imagined him as my son having a bad day.  It was really difficult, but we finally connected in a brief moment. These things matter. Seemingly small actions can have a great effect on a person.  Looking at him through a mother’s eyes made me feel better. I don’t know if I made a positive difference or not. But it matters when we try. Being bitter or better is a choice.  It is up to each of us how we react to the challenges we face. Being better is a worthy quest in the difficult times of our lives.