It is something people don’t like to think about.  Death, that is.  One’s own death is only one part of it.  But, the other part, dealing with other people’s deaths, is extremely difficult for those of us  who are left behind, struggling with loss.  

Life experience is what helps or hinders a person’s reactions and responses in these situations. When the person who has died, has led a good, long life, it is easier to celebrate that life.  When one experiences a sudden death, shock sets in and muddies the process.  When a person has suffered long and hard, it can even be a relief that that person is no longer in pain.  But regardless of the circumstances, death is part of life and must be dealt with each time it happens.

Let’s face it, death is inevitable.  It is our behavior, afterward, that is important to think about.  I have been blessed by having been the giver and the receiver of love and compassion many times. These actions are an important part of “letting go,” and beginning to grieve after a person is no longer with us.

Paying one’s respects at such a time is important for the family and friends of the deceased.  It is not for the person who died.  Even if a person has made their own wishes known before their death, it is still the decision of the family with regard to how they proceed.  People feel many different ways about this, and none of them are wrong.  But perhaps, it would be a good idea to realize that grief is for the ones who are still alive.  And whatever is done in memory of them, paying one’s respects is an important thing to do.

I remember hearing the words, “paying one’s respects,”  while growing up as a child.  Usually that meant going to the funeral home after someone’s death.  But that is not the only way to pay respects.  Sending a card or letter, perhaps flowers are good ways.  With people one is close to, one could keep in in close touch by visiting and/or calling the bereaved regularly.  Each situation is unique to the people involved.

The important thing, it seems to me, is the action one takes, to respect the life of that person who has died and their families and friends.  As I get older, hopefully I am realizing the depth of these actions, and am learning how to “be there” for others as they have been to me.  In this process of learning to have more empathy and compassion, we all are the better for it.  Paying one’s respects can be just one way to show it.