When I was a child, I never wanted to disappoint my parents.  Actually, I never wanted to disappoint anyone I loved or respected.  But just the thought of disappointing my parents was enough to deter me from doing anything they “might” find to be disappointing.  I was timid in those days, to say the least.  I was a very good little girl.

And it wasn’t as if they had to say anything or do anything that would make me fear disappointment.  I just began my life as a pleaser.  And this behavior served me pretty well as a child.  Not so, as I grew older.

I began to disappoint myself.  There were things I wanted to pursue, but fear got in the way.  Actually, I became quite good at disappointing myself.  I was good at doing something that was not good for me.

As an adult, I tried to avoid disappointing my young children.  My husband and I would never say that we were going to take them somewhere or do something fun until it was that day.  Or we would make it conditional as in, “if the weather was good we would go to the beach.”  But we would rather make a surprise than disappoint them for no good reason.  That was mostly me and the way I felt about it.

Now, to me, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to please others, as long as it is your decision.  But not wanting to disappoint should be a decision, not just something that others expect from you.  Otherwise, disappointment can be employed as a psychological weapon.

I would venture to say that feelings of disappointment and the conditions on which it is based, is different for different people.  These are just  some thoughts that rambled in my brain.  It’s just another random rambling.  It’s just what I do.