After grieving the loss of my father, my son, and now my mother, I find that I am still learning about grief.  Every time I have grieved, it has been different and yet the same in many ways.  I know the stages of grief and how they have manifested themselves in my life thus far.  There is no way to predict how each loss affects a person.

I have found that for me, the only way to survive the losses in my family, has been to let the grief pour over me.  You cannot stop it from happening.  No amount of resistance will keep you safe from it.  You can postpone it by refusing to let it go through you.  And you can even make it so difficult that you will carry it for the rest of your life.

But I have come to believe that there is something one can call “good grief.”  Good grief is being able to allow the process to happen.  Let it make you cry, scream, curse, or be angry.  Get it out of your system!  But try not to despair.  Try not to take it out on others.  Let people help you.

I realize that I am so unfamiliar with many of the negative reactions one can have when facing grief.  I don’t know what it’s like to have unresolved issues or bad relationships with those I have lost.  I can’t imagine what that is like and have no business even talking about that kind of grief.  But professional help can be good for any of us and especially those who must deal with conflicted relationships, or worst of all, abuse.  That is something I don’t understand and can’t imagine.  Seeking help would seem to be the only recourse.

And going to counseling is something I have done many times and in many ways for the difficult times of my life.  There are other griefs that do not involve death.

“Living griefs” is how I refer to them.  These griefs can rarely, sometimes never, be resolved.  But one can learn to cope and bear them with help.

One thing is certain. A person will probably not go through life without experiencing some kind of grief.  That’s because grief is a part of life that is attached to every person.  It’s part of being human.  And, if one thinks about it, having someone to grieve is a gift.  For if we lose someone we love, grief is a natural part of that love when they are gone.  And I for one, would never wish it otherwise.