With a pandemic in full swing, it would seem logical that being in isolation with the people one lives with would, while uncomfortable at times, would not be cause for overreaction.  But yesterday and today, I found myself falling apart trying to order things from 3 stores for our groceries and other necessary items and trying to pick them up.  I felt the need to do this at the suggestion of our family doctor, that since my husband had just been released from the hospital in an emergency, that we should not go into the stores, but order and pick them up or have them delivered.

It has taken most of the weekend to pick up 2 of the 3 orders that I made on line.  Needless to say, I have been overly distraught over the whole process.  I didn’t even get one of the orders, the largest of the 3, and spent 2 hours going back and forth to that store without receiving my order.  So next time, delivery it is.

It has got me thinking about this isolation and how spoiled I am.  I have been overreacting.  Sure the frustration has been extremely inconvenient.  But, is inconvenience a reason to feel sorry for myself?  No, it is not.  In the scheme of things, I am still extremely fortunate to be able to buy groceries and have a car with gas in it to pick them up.  So far, we are paying all the bills and are comfortable in so many ways.

My discomfort is just that, no more, no less.  And I am most certainly not the only one who is inconvenienced in such a way.  I have everything I need and more.  I have no good reason to complain.  But complain I do, and have done since this whole situation started.

People are dying.  People with the virus and others who care for them have died.  Their lives are over.  And here I am, being inconvenienced and going nuts over it.  I am ashamed of myself.  I only hope that I can remember this and not repeat my selfish reaction.  I vow to do better.  And instead of thinking of myself, I am going to pray more and hope that God forgives me.  Help me Lord to be a better, more selfless person.  Amen.